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The Myths of the Bumbling Father and Useless
Father
One can reasonably argue that the images of men and
women in children's literature are simply
reflections of reality. It's still true that for a
variety of reasons women in this country do the
bulk of the childcare. But if children's literature
only reflected reality, why aren't fifty percent of
the families divorced? Why aren't fifteen to twenty
percent of the single parents in these books
fathers? Why, for that matter, aren't smokers,
alcoholics, and drug abusers adequately
represented?
The answer is that literature doesn't always
reflect reality. In fact, it could be said that it
sometimes does quite the opposite, reflecting some
kind of reality that doesn't exist; the world the
way we imagine it rather than the way it is.
Remember all those gender-neutral firefighters
from Richard Scary and other authors? The truth is
that in the real world, only two percent of the 1.2
million people who risk their lives to fight fires
in this country are women. But that hasn't
prevented us from all but banishing the word
"fireman" from the English language. Far more than
two percent of all the nurturing parents are men,
and, in raw numbers, there are far more actively
involved, nurturing, loving fathers than there are
female firefighters. Still, images of nurturing
fathers are practically nowhere to be found.
There's little question that reading about
female firefighters (and police officers and
construction workers and just about any other
profession where women are a small minority) boosts
girls' self-esteem and reinforces in their
minds—and everyone else's, for that
matter—the idea that women have lives beyond
the home and that there's nothing girls and women
can't do. Little boys, on the other hand, are given
a far more restricted list of life options: they
can do anything they want, as long as they
financially support their families and leave the
nurturing to the nearest female.
©2007, Armin Brott
* * *
It's clear that most American children suffer
too much mother and too little father. - Gloria
Steinem
A
nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott
is the author of Blueprint
for Men's Health: A guide to a health
lifestyle,
The
Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for
Dads-to-Be;
The
New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First
Year, A
Dad's Guide to the Toddler
Years, Throwaway
Dads, The
Single Father: A Dad's Guide to Parenting without a
Partner and Father for
Life. He has written on parenting and fatherhood
for the New York Times Magazine, The
Washington Post, Newsweek and dozens of
other periodicals. He also hosts “Positive
Parenting”, a nationally distributed, weekly
talk show, and lives with his family in Oakland,
California. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com
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