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Helping Your Kids Cope with Your
Divorce
Dear MrDad: My kids are having a terrible
time coping with my divorce. What should I do?
A: Sometimes, despite all your efforts,
your children will need more help than you’re
capable of providing. This doesn’t mean that
you’re a bad parent, just that you know your
limitations. Here’s what you should be looking
for:
- Any kind of regression—a return to
bed-wetting after being dry, thumb-sucking,
becoming clingy after having been independent,
and so on—that doesn’t disappear
within just a few weeks.
- Withdrawal—from friends, family, or
once pleasurable activities.
- Alienation from old-long-term friends or
sudden change in the crowd your child hangs out
with.
- Problems at school that last more than a
semester.
- Wild or prolonged mood swings.
- For young kids: uncharacteristic fighting,
aggressive behavior, or drastic change in school
performance.
If you have sons, pay particular attention to
them. By the time they’re only four or five,
boys in our society know perfectly well that
“big boys don’t cry.” As a result,
they're usually far more stoic than they ought to
be. But stoic behavior could be a sign that your
son isn’t dealing with his emotions the way he
should.
When looking for a therapist for your children,
talk to several candidates before making your
decision. Be sure to select someone who has a lot
of experience dealing with children of divorce.
©2007, Armin Brott
* * *
It's clear that most American children suffer
too much mother and too little father. - Gloria
Steinem
A
nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott
is the author of Blueprint
for Men's Health: A guide to a health
lifestyle,
The
Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for
Dads-to-Be;
The
New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First
Year, A
Dad's Guide to the Toddler
Years, Throwaway
Dads, The
Single Father: A Dad's Guide to Parenting without a
Partner and Father for
Life. He has written on parenting and fatherhood
for the New York Times Magazine, The
Washington Post, Newsweek and dozens of
other periodicals. He also hosts “Positive
Parenting”, a nationally distributed, weekly
talk show, and lives with his family in Oakland,
California. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com
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