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Is spanking effective?
A recent survey by Child magazine found that 37
percent of parents discipline their toddlers
several times a day, and 27% discipline their child
in public several times a week. It's not all that
surprising, then, that 39% of mothers spank their
kids "often or sometimes" and twenty percent slap
their kids' hands often or sometimes.
The big question, of course, is "Does spanking
do any good?" If you want to attract the child's
attention in a hurry, the answer is yes. But if
you're interested in any long-term positive effect,
the answer is a resounding no. In fact, there's
plenty of evidence that the long-term effect of
spanking children is actually quite negative. (It's
worth noting here that of the people polled in the
Child survey, only 4 percent felt that spanking was
an effective way to get kids to be good.)
Basically, researchers confirm just what you
might expect: that spanking children does little
more than teach them to resort to violence and
aggression to solve their problems--not exactly the
message most parents want to get across to their
kids.
I still remember very clearly a scene that took
place a few years ago at a bus stop not far from my
house. A rather agitated woman was trying to keep
her two kids—about 5 and 7 years old—from
fighting: "How many times," she said, smacking the
older child, "do I have to (smack) tell you (smack)
not to hit (smack) your brother (smack)?" Any
guesses about where that little boy learned to hit
his brother?
Author Doug Spangler suggests that fathers who
spank their children are sending some very specific
messages:
- It's okay to hit another person.
- It's okay to hit another person who is
smaller than you.
- It's okay to hit someone you love.
- It's okay to hit someone when you feel angry
and frustrated.
- Physical aggression is normal and acceptable
under any circumstances.
- Daddy can't control himself or his
temper.
- Fathers are to be feared.
- Children must always be quiet around their
fathers.
Research also shows that children who get
spanked are more likely to suffer from poor
self-esteem and depression, and have a greater
chance of accepting lower-paying jobs as adults.
While this may not be a direct cause-and-effect
relationship, there is clearly some correlation
between being spanked and poor self-esteem.
Ultimately, the best discipline is consistency
and treating your child with respect. The more your
children know what’s expected and the more you
treat them with kindness, the better behaved
they’ll be.
©2012, Armin Brott
* * *
It's clear that most American children suffer
too much mother and too little father. - Gloria
Steinem
A
nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott
is the author of Blueprint
for Men's Health: A guide to a health
lifestyle,
The
Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for
Dads-to-Be;
The
New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First
Year, A
Dad's Guide to the Toddler
Years, Throwaway
Dads, The
Single Father: A Dad's Guide to Parenting without a
Partner and Father for
Life. He has written on parenting and fatherhood
for the New York Times Magazine, The
Washington Post, Newsweek and dozens of
other periodicals. He also hosts “Positive
Parenting”, a nationally distributed, weekly
talk show, and lives with his family in Oakland,
California. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com
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