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June
Why Did Tiger Really Stray?
In the past six months, I’ve received numerous
calls from the media asking whether the death of
Tiger Woods’ father a couple of years ago
might have led to Tiger’s adultery. Research
for my book, FatherLoss,
leads me to conclude that yes, it’s possible.
Many men act out (sexually and otherwise) when
coming to terms with their mortality, as well as
with the death of a most important man in their
lives.
But there may have been an even more compelling
reason for Tiger to act out: his wife Elin’s
transformation from model to mother. Tiger married
a porcelain-skinned, hourglass-bodied, blonde
beauty who put him at the center of her life. Then
they had two kids. If she's like most young
mothers, her attention and her body soon
shifted.
One husband I interviewed for my marriage book,
VoiceMale,
told me that in the months after his child was
born, he felt neglected by his wife. “All of a
sudden, I was in second place,” this husband
said. “I was almost jealous of the kid.
Selfishly, I missed those times of just having my
wife and me.”
This father wasn’t proud of his reaction,
but the reaction is not unusual. Indeed, research
for VoiceMale
shows that for men, marriage satisfaction dips to
its lowest point during the early-childhood years,
and then only gradually rises until the empty nest,
at which point it increases rapidly. During the
child-raising years, the survey shows, husbands and
wives disagree more than any other time in their
marriages. They argue most about sex (men want
more), housework (women want men to do more), and
parenting styles (men want to be
“tougher” with the kids).
Most couples work their way through the
young-children years without having affairs. But
young couples should recognize that children change
the quality of any marriage. For some couples,
having kids is deeply connecting. For others, it
can destabilize a relationship and – as may be
the case with the Woodses – even bring it
down.
FatherLoss: The PBS Special
There's nothing like having your book converted
to the screen -- even if it's the small screen, and
you're playing yourself!
My book, FatherLoss,
has been made into a PBS Special that will be going
national next month around Father's Day. I was
interviewed for the 30-minute show, as were about a
half-dozen men who had lost their fathers.
Producers David Shuffett and Craig Cornwell of KET
did a superb job capturing the spirit of the book.
The show will not air at the same time and day
in every location. So contact your local PBS
station to find out if and when FatherLoss: The PBS
Special is scheduled to air on your local station.
Better yet, let the program manager know you'd like
to see it.
To contact your local PBS station, click
here
 .
©2010, Neil
Chethik
* * *
For 20
years, Neil Chethik has made it his goal to find
out what men really think -- about family,
relationships, fathering, aging, sex, and more. He
is the author of two best-selling books,
Fatherloss
(Hyperion) and VoiceMale
(Simon & Schuster). He’s been a nationally
syndicated columnist, a big-hall speaker, and now,
the national media’s go-to guy for what men
really think about their everyday lives. Contact:
Neil Chethik, P.O. Box 8071, Lexington, KY 40533 or
859.361.1659 or E-Mail
or
www.NeilChethik.com
.
I'm making trouble on Facebook. Come join our
ongoing conversation about fathers and father-loss
at www.facebook.com/FatherLoss
Also, if
you're a marryin' man (or a best man, usher,
father, brother or otherwise connected to a groom),
check out this informative new site for grooms:
www.groompower.com
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