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May
“A”, “I” or “H” -
What Kind of Marriage Do You Have?
Rate How Closely Each Question Describes Your
Marriage or Long-Term Relationship
1 (Not At All Like Us) 2 (Not Much Like Us) 3
(Somewhat Like Us) 4 (Very Much Like Us)
1. I often expect my spouse to pick me up when
I’m down and make me feel better, and I try to
do the same for him/her; otherwise I feel
cheated.
2. My spouse and I are truly “one”;
sometimes I don’t know the difference between
what he/she feels and what I feel.
3. For fun, we sometimes dress in the same color
and style of shirts or other apparel when we go out
together.
4. My spouse is fully responsible for his/her
own growth and development and the same goes for
me; that’s the purpose of our marriage.
5. My spouse and I have different friends and
each of us does many activities for fun that
don’t include the other.
6. My spouse is my only source of love and
comfort.
7. When my spouse and I are together we complete
each other.
8. I challenge my spouse to become greater and
deal with the uncomfortable personal issues he/she
comes up against, and I expect the same from
him/her.
9. If my spouse is away and something upsetting
happens, I won’t handle it until I can speak
with him/her.
Scoring:
Add the total of questions 1, 7, and 9: A score
of 8-12 indicates that you may have an
“A” marriage, one where you and your
spouse are leaning on one another. The higher the
score the more likely you have this kind of
marriage. An “A” marriage usually works
for a while, but it will probably cause problems
later. You will continue looking to the other
person to give you what you feel you lack and your
expectations will cause disruptions in your
marriage.
Add the total of questions 2, 3 and 6: A score
of 8-12 indicates that you may have an
“I” marriage, one where you and your
spouse are merged, perhaps becoming too close to
each other. The higher the score the more likely
you have this kind of marriage. An “I”
marriage may become a problem because one or both
of you will eventually feel smothered and want to
find your own way in life, without having to take
care of the other person.
Add the total of questions 4, 5, and 8: A score
of 8-12 indicates that you may have an
“H” marriage, one where you and your
spouse are separate individuals, engaged in your
own growth and development with the help of your
spouse. The higher the score the more likely you
have this kind of marriage. An “H”
marriage has an excellent chance to last, assuming
you stay lovingly connected. Be careful not to make
the “H” too wide; that kind of marriage
becomes too business-like and the love dissipates
quickly.
A score of 7 in any of the three categories of
marriage (“A”, “I”,
“H”) indicates that you may exhibit some
aspects of that type of marriage.
©2008, Marty
Friedman
* * *
Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is
threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people
together through the years. - Simone Signoret
Martin
G. Friedman is the author of “Straight
Talk for Men About Marriage—What Men Need to
Know About Marriage (And What Women Need to Know
About Men)”. For
many years, Marty Friedman taught corporate
managers how to create good relationships at work
before tackling male/female relationship
issues--and applying what he learned to his own
marriage. The founder of Men in Marriage, Marty is
regularly interviewed on radio and television, and
talks to organizations and individuals from a
unique, inspirational and humorous perspective.
Find out more at www.meninmarriage.com
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