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Top Ten Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent
Kids
Having a high level of emotional intelligence in
your children is the best way to ensure that they
live a happy, successful, and responsible life as
an adult. Here are ten ways to help your kids
attain a high degree of emotional intelligence:
1. Model emotional intelligence yourself.
Yes, your kids are watching very closely. They
see how you respond to frustration, they see how
resilient you are, and they see whether you’re
aware of your own feelings and the feelings of
others.
2. Be willing to say “no” to your
kids. There’s a lot of stuff out there for
kids. And your kids will ask for a lot of it.
Saying no will give your kids an opportunity to
deal with disappointment and to learn impulse
control. To a certain degree, your job as a parent
is to allow your kids to be frustrated and to work
through it. Kids who always get what they want
typically aren’t very happy.
3. Be aware of your parental
“hotspots”. Know what your issues
are—what makes you come unglued and
what’s this really about? Is it not being in
control? Not being respected? Underneath these
issues lies a fear about something. Get to know
what your fear is so you’re less likely to
come unglued when you’re with your kids.
Knowing your issues doesn’t make them go away,
it just makes it easier to plan for and to deal
with.
4. Practice and hone your skills at being
non-judgmental. Start labeling feelings and
avoid name-calling. Say, “he seems
angry,” rather than, “what a jerk.”
When your kids are whiny or crying, saying things
like, “you seem sad,” will always be
better than just asking them to stop. Depriving
kids of the feelings they’re experiencing will
only drive them underground and make them
stronger.
5. Start coaching your kids. When kids
are beyond the toddler years, you can start
coaching them to help them to be more responsible.
Instead of “get your hat and gloves,” you
can ask, “what do you need to be ready for
school?” Constantly telling your kids what to
do does not help them to develop confidence and
responsibility.
6. Always be willing to be part of the
problem. See yourself as having something to do
with every problem that comes along. Most problems
in families get bigger when parents respond to them
in a way that exacerbates the problem. If your
child makes a mistake, remember how crucial it is
for you to have a calm, reasoned response.
7. Get your kids involved in household duties
at an early age. Research suggests that kids
who are involved in household chores from an early
age tend to be happier and more successful. Why?
From an early age, they’re made to feel they
are an important part of the family. Kids want to
belong and to feel like they’re valuable.
8. Limit your kids access to mass media
mania. Young kids need to play, not spend time
in front of a screen. To develop creativity and
problem-solving skills, allow your kids time to use
free play. Much of the mass media market can teach
your kids about consumerism, sarcasm, and violence.
What your kids learn from you and from free play
with others will provide the seeds for future
emotional intelligence.
9. Talk about feelings as a famil. State
your emotional goals as a family. These might be no
yelling, no name-calling, be respectful at all
times, etc. Families that talk about their goals
are more likely to be aware of them and to achieve
them. As the parent, you then have to “walk
the talk.”
10. See your kids as wonderful. There is
no greater way to create emotional intelligence in
your child than to see them as wonderful and
capable. One law of the universe is, “what you
think about expands.” If you see your child
and think about them as wonderful, you’ll get
a lot of “wonderful.” If you think about
your child as a problem, you’ll get a lot of
problems.
Having a high IQ is nice, but having a high
“EQ” is even better. Make these ten ideas
daily habits and you’ll give your kids the
best chance possible to be happy, productive, and
responsible adults.
Warmly,
© 2008 Mark
Brandenburg
Other Father Issues,
Books,
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* * *
To this day I can remember my father's
voice, singing over me in the stillness of the
night. - Carl G. Jung
Mark has
a Masters degree in counseling psychology and has
been a counselor, business consultant, sports
counselor, and a certified life and business coach.
He has worked with individuals, teams, and
businesses to improve their performance for over 20
years. Prior to life and business coaching Mark was
a world-ranked professional tennis player and has
coached other world-ranked athletes. He has helped
hundreds of individuals to implement his coaching
techniques. Mark specializes in coaching men to
balance their lives and to improve the important
relationships in their lives. He is the author of
the popular e-books, 25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent
Fathers
 ,
and Fix
Your Wife in 30 Days or Less (And Improve Yourself
at the Same Time
).
Mark is also the publisher of the “Dads
Don’t Fix your Kids” ezine for fathers.
To sign up, go to www.markbrandenburg.com
or E-Mail
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