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The Top 10 Ways to Keep Your Kids from
Fighting
Fighting among siblings is as natural as the
changing of the seasons. And contrary to what many
parents believe, sibling rivalry is a sign of
mental health in a family! While there may be times
when it’s difficult to deal with, there are
some simple things you can do to limit fighting and
make it tolerable:
1. Ignore Their Fighting. Fighting is
often a way for kids to get you to notice them. If
you ignore their fighting (unless weapons are
involved), there will be less incentive for them to
do it.
2. Treat Your Kids the Same When it Comes to
Fighting. If you get into who started things,
you may be training your kids to be victims and
bullies. Put them in the same boat and don't take
sides.
3. Give Your Kids Positive Reinforcement when
They’re Cooperating. Let them know that
they're doing a wonderful job when they get along.
This one's easy to forget, but vitally important.
Give them attention when they're behaving the way
you want. Continually telling them to stop may
actually be creating more fighting!
4. Limit Your Own Fighting and Arguing.
Having your kids see occasional arguing and
“making up” from you is fine, but your
kids will learn how to get along from you. Don't
expect them to do it well if you don't show them
how.
5. Create an Environment of Cooperation.
Do projects together as a family that involve
cooperation. Talk about how important it is for the
family to cooperate. Avoid games or activities that
promote fighting or excessive competition in your
kids.
6. Train Your Kids in Peacemaking when
They're Away from Conflict. Talk to your kids
about fighting at a time when they're relaxed and
open. Ask them about what other options they might
have taken rather than to hit their sister. Help
them to brainstorm better solutions.
7. Use Consequences, not Punishment.
Punishing kids usually just creates angry kids
who are more likely to fight. While some punishment
may be inevitable, do your best to give
consequences instead. Punishment may bring short
term solutions, but will also bring long term
problems.
8. Control How You React to their
Fighting. When you must intervene, make sure
you stay calm. If you're angry and shaming, you
actually make it more likely that fighting will
occur again.
9. Limit the Number of Fighting Opportunities
You Give your Kids
Think about how fights can potentially start.
Don't buy a red ball and a blue ball, this may
easily result in a fight. When you buy two red
balls - no fight. Be familiar with the times in
which fighting occurs the most - when they’re
hungry or tired. Take precautions, like having
dinner ready before the “bewitching hour”
occurs.
10. Love Your Kids for All They're Worth.
Every day tell them you love them, and more
importantly - show them. Kids who feel emotionally
connected to their parents are the least likely to
fight. This won't eliminate it, but the alternative
isn't pretty at all.
© 2008 Mark
Brandenburg
Other Father Issues,
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* * *
To this day I can remember my father's
voice, singing over me in the stillness of the
night. - Carl G. Jung
Mark has
a Masters degree in counseling psychology and has
been a counselor, business consultant, sports
counselor, and a certified life and business coach.
He has worked with individuals, teams, and
businesses to improve their performance for over 20
years. Prior to life and business coaching Mark was
a world-ranked professional tennis player and has
coached other world-ranked athletes. He has helped
hundreds of individuals to implement his coaching
techniques. Mark specializes in coaching men to
balance their lives and to improve the important
relationships in their lives. He is the author of
the popular e-books, 25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent
Fathers
 ,
and Fix
Your Wife in 30 Days or Less (And Improve Yourself
at the Same Time
).
Mark is also the publisher of the “Dads
Don’t Fix your Kids” ezine for fathers.
To sign up, go to www.markbrandenburg.com
or E-Mail
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