Learning without Shame

When there are problem situations at home, there are ways you can have learning occur, as opposed to shame. "Track" the problems by asking these kinds of questions:

"What happened?"
"Where were you?"
"What did you do?"
"What did others do?"
"How did you feel?"
"How do you think you handled it?"
"How upset were you?"
"How could you have handled it differently?"
"What will prevent this kind of thing in the future?"

This line of reasoning will serve to help you discover the total picture before proceeding, and it will give your child a chance to improve their ability to process these kinds of situations. Or, you could just yell at them! But kids don't learn or benefit from punishment or shame.

Their best chance to learn is from you keeping your cool and asking the right questions. The choice is yours.

© 2007 Mark Brandenburg

Other Father Issues, Books, Resources

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To this day I can remember my father's voice, singing over me in the stillness of the night. - Carl G. Jung

Mark has a Masters degree in counseling psychology and has been a counselor, business consultant, sports counselor, and a certified life and business coach. He has worked with individuals, teams, and businesses to improve their performance for over 20 years. Prior to life and business coaching Mark was a world-ranked professional tennis player and has coached other world-ranked athletes. He has helped hundreds of individuals to implement his coaching techniques. Mark specializes in coaching men to balance their lives and to improve the important relationships in their lives. He is the author of the popular e-books, 25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers , and Fix Your Wife in 30 Days or Less (And Improve Yourself at the Same Time ). Mark is also the publisher of the “Dads Don’t Fix your Kids” ezine for fathers. To sign up, go to or E-Mail

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