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Spare the Child, Ditch the Rod!
Spare the rod, spoil the child!
This philosophy's been around a long time.
In fact, a study done by Zero to Three, a
nonprofit child-development group, found that 61
percent of the adults who responded condone
spanking as a regular form of punishment. The
percentage of parents who actually use spanking is
believed to be much higher.
And when my five year old son's behavior went
beyond annoying a few days ago, I felt inclined to
join the majority and swat him to "teach him a
lesson."
Most parents reach this point with their kids.
We feel as though we can't take any more of what
our kids are dishing out. It usually happens when
we're tired, stressed, and overdone.
So what are our choices when we reach this
point?
Spanking certainly can take care of things
quickly and can temporarily change your kids
behavior. But there are many reasons to question
the practice of spanking your kids. Here’s
five of them:
1. Do you really want your kids to be afraid of
you? Kids will sometimes obey more readily when
they're afraid of you. Is this what you really
want? What happens when they're six feet two and
two hundred pounds? Effective parenting is based on
love and respect, not fear.
2. Spanking shows your kids that you lack
self-control. The huge majority of spanking
incidents come when a parent is angry. What is
quite clear to your child is this: when my Dad or
Mom gets angry, they hit me. And when the same
child hits his sister when he gets angry, do you
demand that he shows better self-control?
Something’s wrong with this picture. We
teach our kids best through our own actions.
3. You may breed resentment and anger in your
kids. Kids who are spanked usually don't learn a
great deal about "correcting" their misbehavior.
They don't usually sit up in their rooms and say,
"Gosh, I can really see after getting spanked that
I was wrong. I'll do better now." They do think
about how angry their Dad or Mom is, and they can
develop a good deal of resentment for their
parents.
4. Spanking shows your kids that "might makes
right”. Adults make mistakes in their lives
too, right?
Can we use our imaginations and feel what it
would be like for someone four times our size to
pick us up and swat us on the butt? What would we
learn from that? Would we feel any injustice? You
can bet that your kids are feeling some.
5. Spanking isn't effective in the long run.
Parents who are asked why they spank will report
that they use it to "teach their kids a lesson," or
so they won't misbehave again. Many kids who are
spanked will go underground with their misbehavior
and become more cunning to avoid being caught.
(Wouldn't you?) If you're spanking your kids fairly
often, doesn't this show that it's not working very
well?
I don't believe that kids who are spanked
occasionally are ruined for life. Nor do I believe
that spanking is necessary to discipline a
child.
There are countless examples of disciplined and
responsible young people who were never spanked by
their parents.
Parents who don't spank their kids use time
outs, re-directing, or distracting with their kids.
They can pick their kids up and let them cool down,
or simply leave the area themselves so they don't
do something they'd regret later.
While these methods aren't always perfect, they
help to form the foundation of a certain kind of
household: One in which violence is not "taught" as
a means to better behavior.
After all, we live in a world that's filled with
violence.
Can't we provide a place for our kids where
there isn't any?
© 2008 Mark
Brandenburg
Other Father Issues,
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* * *
To this day I can remember my father's
voice, singing over me in the stillness of the
night. - Carl G. Jung
Mark has
a Masters degree in counseling psychology and has
been a counselor, business consultant, sports
counselor, and a certified life and business coach.
He has worked with individuals, teams, and
businesses to improve their performance for over 20
years. Prior to life and business coaching Mark was
a world-ranked professional tennis player and has
coached other world-ranked athletes. He has helped
hundreds of individuals to implement his coaching
techniques. Mark specializes in coaching men to
balance their lives and to improve the important
relationships in their lives. He is the author of
the popular e-books, 25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent
Fathers
 ,
and Fix
Your Wife in 30 Days or Less (And Improve Yourself
at the Same Time
).
Mark is also the publisher of the “Dads
Don’t Fix your Kids” ezine for fathers.
To sign up, go to www.markbrandenburg.com
or E-Mail
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