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March
Change Your Life for $39!
My recent experiences in the job market have left
me with the feeling that my interviewing skills
could use a little brushing up. This morning the
solution to my problem jumped out at me from a box
on the street corner: the Learning Annex
catalog!
I was looking for some quick improvement in my
ability to interact with other humans, and I found
a couple of offerings directly on point: "Power
Interviewing" and "How to Have Employers Begging to
Hire You".
But soon I realized my focus was too narrow. The
Learning Annex doesn't just tinker with your
interviewing style; it offers a holistic approach
to changing your entire life. My first clue to this
was when I started noticing eerie parallels between
the "Business/Careers" section and the
"Relationships/Intimacy" department:
- Power Interviewing — Power Dating
- How to Land Your Dream Job — How to Get
What You Want in Bed
- Marketing Secrets — Lesbian Sex Secrets
for Men
Now, I'm lucky enough not to need to do any
Power Dating, but the point is how easy it is to
improve any aspect of your life! It's all about
getting what you want with minimal effort. Finding
satisfaction at work and at home is only $39 away
at the Learning Annex!
We all know people who are slackers and spent
the first 35 years of their lives partying and
goofing off. When these people realize that they
are probably not all going to become president,
they start looking for ways to make up lost ground.
The courses at the Learning Annex are designed just
for them.
These are classes for people who aren't into
delayed gratification. Why waste years acquiring
skills when you can take these easy shortcuts:
"Speak Spanish Fluently in Just 1-3 Weeks"
Well, I can't see frittering away three weeks
just to learn a language. I think I'll go on down
the hall to: "Speak French in Only 3 Hours!"
Here's a good way to jump-start your career:
"How to Write a Book on ANYTHING in 3 Weeks...or
Less". I love how they add that extra tag line "or
less" for people who are thinking, "Well, I'd like
to write a book, but I'm not sure I can free up
three whole weeks for it."
Or if all that seems too troublesome and
time-consuming, try this one-stop shop:
"How to Get All the Money, Success, Confidence
and Love You'd Ever Want–IMMEDIATELY!"
I'm not sure I'm ready for all that at once.
Maybe I should start with some basics:
- "The Art of Becoming Conscious". Staying
awake throughout the job interview makes a good
impression on your potential employer!
- "Stop Being Nice". So that's my
problem!
Maybe I need a total personality makeover:
- "How to Change Your Identity". This is the
actual course description: "Have you ever
thought of disappearing, just vanishing and
starting life over as somebody else? What if
there were a simple way to make it happen?"
You'll learn how with easy-to-follow steps
including "How to plan your disappearance,"
"Tips for effectively transforming your physical
appearance" and "How to concoct a reasonable
'history' for your new persona". Perfect! I've
always wanted a second chance to try out for the
high school football team.
Perhaps instead of learning how to interview for
a job in my current field, I should think about a
career change. These opportunities sound quite
lucrative:
- "How to Become a Notary Public"
- "How to Make Your Own Soaps"
- "Learn Balloon Twisting for Fun and
Profit"
And of course this one, which is part of the
core curriculum at places like this:
- "How to Become a $1000+ per day Seminar
Leader". Presumably by leading seminars on how
to become a $1000+ per day seminar leader.
Wait a minute! I've finally found the perfect
course for me:
- "Making a Living Without a Job"
I'm glad I've shared these insights with you. If
I can save just one person from a life of
unprofitable balloon twisting, it will be worth
it.
© 2012 John
Hershey
Other Father Issues,
Books
* * *
Parents are the bones on which children sharpen
their teeth. - Peter Ustinov
John Hershey
is a dad, a writer, and a lawyer (in that order).
He writes a syndicated biweekly humor column about
parenting and family life.. His columns have been
published or accepted for publication on websites
and in magazines around the world, from Maine to
Oregon, Colorado down to Texas, and down under in
Australia.
Blood, Phlegm & Bile:
Parenting with Humor appears monthly on
menstuff.org. But, why the gross title? Well, for
one thing these are three substances with which
every parent becomes quite familiar. They were also
called the "humors" by medieval scientists who
believed that the proportion of these bodily fluids
determined a person's health and temperament. So
it's a pun! A pun requiring a lengthy explanation,
but a pun nonetheless. E-Mail
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