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May
You've got to fight for your right to garden
Gardening is popular pastime among families,
retirees and evil dictators
Gardening is a pleasant, relaxing hobby that
gives us moderate exercise, fresh air, and healthy
food. It is especially popular among retired
people, such as my parents, my elderly neighbors
and Saddam Hussein.
According to a recent article about Hussein's
life in prison, the deposed Iraqi dictator spends
the hour he is allowed out of his cell each day
tending a small garden in the prison yard.
Well that's just great. I suppose even a
murderous tyrant needs a hobby. Maybe it helps him
unwind. But this is more bad press that we
gardeners don't need. In the current political
climate, the last thing we want is for gardening to
be associated with our country's arch enemy. The
government already gets suspicious when people buy
large amounts of fertilizer. Next thing you know
they'll be trying to subpoena our seed purchase
records under the Patriot Act.
Perhaps you're worried that this report of
Hussein's love of gardening will set off an
anti-gardening media frenzy that will sully the
positive image of our respectable hobby. Well, I
have news for you: Gardening's good name was
besmirched long ago.
We think of gardening as the harmless activity
of gentle people. What could be less threatening
than a bunch of flowers and vegetable plants? But
in fact, our culture, geography and even language
promote negative images of gardens.
In the Bible, for example, if you go into a
garden, you won't get carrots and spinach. You'll
get tempted by a serpent or betrayed by your
friends.
Gardens have not fared much better in more
recent times. If you've seen "A Bridge Too Far,"
you may remember the code name of the disastrous
Allied attempt to take bridges over the rivers of
German-occupied Holland during World War II, which
decimated the British 1st Airborne Division. That's
right: Operation Garden.
Geographic names that refer to gardens often
have negative connotations. Not just Eden and
Gethsemane. Madison Square Garden certainly
conjures unpleasant emotions, at least for Knicks
fans. And of course: the Garden State.
Negative garden imagery permeates our very
language. What do we call something that is
average, mediocre, uninspiring? Garden variety.
In Britain, a person who is fired from a job is
entitled to severance pay for a certain time.
People whisper euphemistically that this poor loser
has been placed on "gardening leave."
This linguistic bias against gardening is not
even limited to English. The Russian word for
garden is ... sad.
Gardening doesn't make us sad. It makes us
happy! But our culture conveys the opposite
impression. Let's face it: Gardening's reputation
has been thoroughly, to use yet another example of
the phenomenon, soiled.
Fortunately, Saddam Hussein is not the only
currently incarcerated but formerly powerful and
ruthless leader who enjoys gardening. Martha
Stewart is also an avid gardener, of course.
A recent news story about her experience in the
criminal justice system demonstrates just how much
gardening means to her.
Last fall, after she was convicted of
stockpiling weapons of mass destruction or whatever
it was, Stewart could have stayed out of jail while
her appeal made its way through the judicial
process. If she did that and then prevailed on the
appeal, she would have avoided prison altogether.
But she showed up at the jail in October so she
could complete her five-month sentence in time to
begin her spring gardening.
I like to think I'm a pretty dedicated gardener.
I dutifully go out to water and weed, even at times
when I'd rather be dozing on the couch. But how
many of us would voluntarily do half a year of hard
time behind bars just so we would be back on the
street in time for the average last frost date?
This is the kind of sacrifice and devotion that can
help us overcome the negative gardening
stereotypes. With Stewart's inspiring example,
perhaps gardening will finally get the respect our
society accords to other hobbies like figurine
collecting and Civil War re-enacting.
So instead of persecuting her, let's herald
Martha Stewart as a true gardening hero.
Free Martha! No justice, no peas!
© 2007 John
Hershey
Other Father Issues,
Books
* * *
Parents are the bones on which children sharpen
their teeth. - Peter Ustinov
John Hershey
is a dad, a writer, and a lawyer (in that order).
He writes a syndicated biweekly humor column about
parenting and family life.. His columns have been
published or accepted for publication on websites
and in magazines around the world, from Maine to
Oregon, Colorado down to Texas, and down under in
Australia.
Blood, Phlegm & Bile:
Parenting with Humor appears monthly on
menstuff.org. But, why the gross title? Well, for
one thing these are three substances with which
every parent becomes quite familiar. They were also
called the "humors" by medieval scientists who
believed that the proportion of these bodily fluids
determined a person's health and temperament. So
it's a pun! A pun requiring a lengthy explanation,
but a pun nonetheless. For more bogus medical
advice and humor columns, please visit John's
website www.thehumors.com
or E-Mail
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