|
March
Are we destined to be warriors?
Last month I wrote about the symptoms of emotional
distress experienced by U.S. soldiers returning
from Iraq and how a psychotherapist might interpret
these symptoms as the cry of our collective soul. I
picked this topic both because it is current and
disturbing, and, because, it goes to the core of,
historically, how we have defined masculinity. The
preparation of young men for warfare leads us to
declare that, by nature, males more aggressive and
less empathic that women. Even with women now in
combat roles, the psyche of the warrior, able to
kill without the burden of feeling the enemy’s
pain, is seen as masculine.
Psychotherapists wield enormous power in being
able to define what is normal and what is abnormal,
what is healthy and what is pathological.
Therefore, we should chose our words carefully. If
we unthinkingly accept that it is
“natural” and “normal” for men
to be warriors, it is therefore a
“disorder” for a man to return from war
psychologically damaged. If, on the other hand, we
listen to the nightmares, depression, suicidal
feelings, alienation, and, occasional outbursts of
murderous rage that many returning soldiers
experience, we may hear the soul testifying about
the horrors of war.
To take this protest seriously threatens one of
our culture’s most cherished beliefs about
women and men. That women are, by nature, more
relational, emotional, nurturing, cooperative and
caring, while men are, by nature, more autonomous,
rational, aggressive, competitive and emotionally
detached. In the past, these ideas, enshrined by
psychoanalytic theory, led psychotherapists to lend
our voices to the chorus declaring women unfit for
leadership because they lacked the necessary
decisiveness and capacity for logic. Men were the
standard of psychological and moral development,
while women were incomplete. This changed in the
1970’s and 80’s with psychologists like
Carol Gilligan revolutionized our field, elevating
and honoring the traditionally “feminine”
qualities of relatedness, empathy, nurturing. In
many ways, psychotherapists now see women as full
human beings, as psychologically and morally
superior, while defining men as emotionally stunted
and interpersonally incompetent.
As important as Gilligan’s work has been in
rescuing femininity from the dungeon of male
dominated psychological theory, it further
reinforces old ideas about essential differences
between women and men. This has led many to assume
that when women and the feminine voice ascend to
full power, they will lead the world to peace. So,
will Condoleezza Rice behave differently as
Secretary of State than the men who have preceded
her? She has given no indication of being more
empathic, more nurturing or any less willing to
wage war
This raises a point that could demolish our
ideas about many of the essential differences
between women and men. It is power and not gender
that causes many of our differences. Women in power
act much like men in power. Men without power act
much like women without power. People with power
are more direct, assertive and can care less about
the feelings of others. People without power have
to be less direct, more accommodating and care more
about the feelings of others -- especially about
the feelings of those who have the power. This is
the central premise of Rosalind Barnett and Caryl
Rivers in their book Same Difference. Of course
there are essential differences between women and
men, but they are often exaggerated. Other factors,
power, situation, personal abilities and
temperament, social and economic forces are often
more compelling and better explain our
behavior.
I know that many may find this hard to accept,
but if you could bear with me, I would like to use
it as a jumping off point to discuss various
aspects of male psychology. Over the next few
months, I will explore these questions: Are men
naturally more aggressive and violent, making them
well suited for war? Are men really more rational
than emotional, or more removed from their
feelings? Are men really more autonomous than
relational, preferring independence to intimacy and
reluctant to commit to a relationship? Are men less
capable of empathy and less caring towards others?
Are men less willing and able to communicate about
emotional matters -- can they even really listen?
What of male sexuality -- are men less likely to
remain monogamous and more likely to stray?. I will
explore men’s feelings about their families
and children, and evaluate how competent men are as
partners and parents. I will base my thinking on
available research, on 28 years of leading
men’s groups and practicing psychotherapy, and
on my own personal experience. I welcome your
feedback as we proceed.
©2005, Gary
Hoeber
* * *
Psychology has a long past, but only a short
history. - Hermann Ebbinghaus
Gary
Hoeber has been working as a psychotherapist since
1976, helping a broad range of people successfully
deal with a wide variety of life challenges. He is
a leading practitioner and teacher of group
psychotherapy. An Instructor at John F. Kennedy
University since 1988, he offers classes on "The
Practice of Group Psychotherapy." His approach to
group therapy is highly interpersonal, assisting in
the development of effective communication and
relationship skills and increasing the capacity for
intimacy, friendship and community. His work with
individuals focuses less on pathology, and more on
the unfolding of one's life purpose, using a depth
psychology informed by poetry, story and mythology.
Gary is licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist
and has offices in Berkeley and San Rafael,
California. garyhoeber.com
or gmhoeber@comcast.net.
Gary will also be reviewing important
new
books on
psychotherap
Disclaimer
| Privacy
Statement
Menstuff®
Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of The
National Men's Resource Center™
©1996-2023, The National Men's Resource
Center
|
