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An Open Letter to My 6th Grade Gym
Teacher
An open letter to my 6th grade gym teacher which I
mailed today. I believe as gays and lesbians we
should go back and confront those who harmed us for
being different in our childhood when we can and
when it is safe to do. This letter is one way to do
it. To not do this is to either carry the shame and
trauma around from what others gave us or to take
it out on others. I know that it is from
experiences like my own--one of which is described
in this open letter--that can contribute to those
who stay in the closet and/or enter reparative
therapy.
I read the _________News today and saw the
article about you. You were my gym teacher in 6th
grade in 1975-76 when I was 12-years-old. I have
actually never forgotten you.
The memory of you which stands out for me is of
my walking into gym class late with my best friend
and having the students burst into hysterical
laughter from something you said to them before we
walked in. I discovered later you told the class
that you anticipated that Max and I would walk in
together and that we were probably
“fags”. A number of my classmates told me
what you said to them prior to our entrance and it
became a running joke toward me for the rest of my
junior high school years. I remember this like
yesterday it was so traumatic for me.
You could not have humiliated me more than what
you did to me publicly amongst my peers. In my
judgment what you did to me was cruel, insensitive
and immature. You were an adult male authority
figure who should have been protecting me—not
hurting me.
In fact, Mr. _____, I was and am a gay male. I
was probably in love with my best friend back then
but did not know it. I did not know what being in
love was and I certainly would not have known or
understood what it meant to be gay. I was a young
impressionable boy of 12-years-old and gym class
was an over stimulating place for me as I was being
sexually aroused having hit puberty and then put in
showers and locker rooms with the very gender which
aroused me. I was also not athletic at all so gym
was nothing more than a nightmare for me.
Imagine for a moment if you were to put a
heterosexual boy in a female locker room and
showers. I think if you imagine that you can
understand the enormous struggle I was having.
The one thing I took note of in the article is
that you are retired. I am relieved to know that
young children are no longer under your care and
will not suffer at your hands the same thing I did.
It caused me so much pain during such an important
and difficult time of my life.
It really was a rotten thing you did to me. You
are either the same man today that you were then
and will just laugh off this letter or you will
have some remorse for something you did to another
human being who did not deserve being picked on by
a guy like you! You didn’t even pick on
someone your own size.
The shame I felt from what you did to me was
really meant for you to wear and I hereby give it
back to you with this letter.
©2010 by Joe Kort
Related: Issues,
Books
Psychotherapist
Joe Kort, MA, MSW, has been in practice since 1985.
He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as
well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a
specific program involving communication exercises
designed for couples to enhance their relationship
and for singles to learn relationship skills. He
also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood
sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression
and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and
singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a
men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and
gay men who are struggling with specific sexual
issues. His therapy services are for gays and
lesbians as well as heterosexuals. His articles and
columns have appeared in The Detroit Free
Press, Between the Lines Newspaper for
Gays and Lesbians, The Detroit News, The
Oakland Press, The Royal Oak Mirror, and
other publications. Besides providing therapy for
individuals and couples, he conducts a number of
groups and workshops for gay men. Now an adjunct
professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne
State University's School of Social Work, he is
doing more writing and workshops on a national
level. He is the author of 10
Smart Things Gay Men can do to Improve Their
Lives.
www.joekort.com
or joekort@joekort.com
*
Gaydar
(gay'.dahr, n.): (1) The
ability that lets gays and lesbians identify one
other. (2) This column--where non-gay readers can
improve their gaydar, learning more about gay men's
psychology and social lives. Also, (3) a regular
feature where gay readers can discover the many
questions and hassles their straight
counterparts--and themselves--must face!
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