Bullies and
Youth Violence
 

August
What can We to do about "Bus Bullies!"


There are many different things that could be tried in this situation.Ideas for what your kids can do include three options: *confront *ignore *avoid

They should be used in that order except if the bullies are physically violent, then "avoid" is the safest choice.

There are many things your child could say back to the bullies:

"Name calling isn't cool"

"I don't want to fight. Can't we be friends instead?"

"Why are you mad at me? I never hurt you."

Bullies usually like the effect they get when they shock or hurt someone. Maybe if your child just laughed it off, like they are joking, they would get tired of calling him/her names and it wouldn't seem fun (or effective) anymore.

If it keeps up, and nothing your child says helps, and ignoring and avoiding don't work AND the school won't get involved, then you will have to contact the parents of the "name callers."

Bullies don't always have a reason for who they pick on or why, but when they *do* have a reason, it usually results in them singling out a smaller person. This would include kids who are not as tall, and most definitely would include younger kids, who obviously would be smaller. This makes you easier to control. And today there are a lot of cases of older kids picking on younger kids on the school buses.

In those cases, I recommend sitting far away from the bully. If the seats are assigned, ask to have them changed. If they are not assigned, ask to have them assigned. If that doesn't work, inform the school and ask the bus driver to get involved. Some bus drivers are asked by the school to intervene. They do this by having the trouble kids sit up front where they can keep a good eye on them in the mirror. However, the bus driver has a job to do which requires the safety of many lives, so if the bullying gets so bad that he/she has to keep turning around or yelling at kids all the time, the perpetrators should be suspended from the bus for the safety of all.

For Teachers & Parents of Bullies - Some useful Questions to Ask

  • What did you do?
  • Why was that a bad thing to do?
  • Who did you hurt?
  • What were you trying to accomplish?
  • Next time you have that goal, how will you meet it without hurting anybody?
  • How will you help the person you hurt?

These questions will help them to: Acknowledge their own actions and the consequences they have on themselves and others, develop shame and guilt ("I don't want to go through that again" & "I hurt someone"), change their actions to stay out of trouble, and learn to trust and form relationships with helping adults.

©2012 Kathy Noll

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In violence, we forget who we are. - Mary McCarthy

Kathy Noll is the co-author of Taking the Bully by the Horns. She has had her short stories/articles published in magazines along with interviews, helped NBC news monitor a classroom in Philadelphia for bullying behavior, and also helped many people with their own bully problems through her book, educational and family related Internet chats, message board hosting, and e-mail. She has also spoken on radio and television shows discussing the topics of school violence and self-esteem. Most recently she appeared with co-author Dr. Carter on the Montel Williams show where they talked to kids about bullies, and promoted their book, "Taking the Bully by the Horns." She also works as a consultant for various TV News & Talk Shows. Her second book, Encounters with Every-Day Angels, is a workbook on bullying and character development that can be used in the classroom. www.kathynoll.com or Email.



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