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My ToddlerSpeak Dictionary
I was driving somewhere, I don’t remember
where, but I know I was alone. I remember that
because being alone in the car is a rarity and a
treat. My wife, Liz, called me on my cell
phone.
“The twins are asking for a blue fruit bar
like Noah and Clara. What does that mean?” she
asked.
“It’s a chocolate covered chewy bar.
I’ll explain when I get home.”
That’s when I decided to begin a
“ToddlerSpeak Dictionary”. This is a
short book of phrases that are nonsense to anyone
who doesn’t spend most of every day with my
children. This book will be invaluable to my wife
when she is home alone with the children as well as
babysitters.
Here are the definitions and histories of some
of the misunderstood phrases my children have used
(or still use):
- “Ow.”: A ponytail holder.
The name comes from the sound their older sister
makes whenever Daddy brushes her hair. Usage
example: “Can I have a ow?”
- “Ah”: Dental floss. The
name comes from the sound one makes when using
it.
- “Mmm”: Lip balm. From the
sound they make when it is being applied.
“I want some mmm, too.”
- “Yellow”: Urine. Example
use: “I made yellow in the
potty!”
- “Boo boo”: boogers. This
one is important to know because having a boo
boo on your hand can mean a totally different
thing.
- “Practice piano candy”:
Small peanut butter cups. These are rewards
given to the older kids after a certain amount
of rehearsal on the piano.
- “Clara’s Cream of
Wheat”: Oatmeal. We had to give their
older sister, Clara, ownership of the oatmeal
(“No, that’s Clara’s Cream of
Wheat”) because we discovered that the
twins were allergic to it. When they outgrew the
allergy, we used the new title to clarify what
they wanted for breakfast.
- “Natalie’s Cream of
Wheat”: Cream of Wheat. We don’t
know why it’s not Anna’s, but she eats
it, too.
- “Mommy’s Super Chocolate
Milk”: This began one morning when Noah
(now seven) was a toddler. He saw Mommy drinking
a Carnation Instant Breakfast. He would not
accept anything but his usual chocolate syrup
drink for breakfast until we gave it a new
improved name.
- “Chicken Fries”: chicken
nuggets.
- “Chicken Fry House”:
Wendy’s. For the first two years of
Clara’s life, she lived on a Navy base in
Iceland that only had Wendy’s for fast
food. We bought her chicken nuggets and French
fries the first time we visited and the name
stuck.
- “Bacon House”: Any sit down
restaurant that serves breakfast.
Is it important that you understand my
children’s unique idioms? Not unless you are
going to babysit them. The real reason I made this
list is so that Liz and I don’t forget their
wonderful jargon. My kids are going to grow up and
stop using them, instead asking to go to “Bob
Evans” or for “dental floss”.
Where’s the fun in that? I hope you sit down
with your spouse and create a ToddlerSpeak
Dictionary for your own memories, as well.
Oh, “a blue fruit bar like Noah and
Clara” is a Sunbelt brand chocolate
covered chewy granola bar. It comes in a blue box
and is kept in the pantry next to the
Nutrigrain bars (Fruit bars). Once, I
put one of these in each of the older kids’
lunches when the twins were watching. The name
stuck.
©2010, Mark
Phillips
* * *
Women, it's true, make human beings, but
only men can make men. - Margaret Mead
Mark
Phillips is a Stay-At-Home-Dad and freelance
writer. Along with raising his four children, he is
developing a franchise called “The Vacuum IS a
Power Tool.” It is designed to help SAHDs
maintain that which makes us men, instead of hairy
Mom-substitutes. He earned a B.S. in
Communication/Theatre Arts and teaching
certificates in English, public speaking, and
psychology from Eastern Michigan University. After
six years as a high school English teacher and
Director of Dramatic Arts at Powers Catholic High
School in Flint, Michigan, he changed careers and
became a Stay-At-Home-Dad. www.TheVacuumIsAPowerTool.com
or E-Mail
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