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Why Men Make Better Housewives Part 5
The fifth advantage men have over women is probably
the greatest one. We can’t get pregnant (which
is yet another benefit of just being a man). Since
we will never have to carry a developing child
inside our bodies, we never have to do that at the
same time we are taking care of that child’s
older brothers and sisters. When a Stay-At-Home-Mom
gets pregnant, she has to carry her new
job—that of baby factory—along with her
on her current job—that of mother and
homemaker.
Imagine doing everything you have to do every
day—feeding, bathing, and changing the baby;
potty training and driving the toddler to
preschool; driving the school-aged kid to school,
then soccer practice, then piano lessons, then to
her friend’s house; cleaning the house, doing
the dishes, doing the laundry, making dinner,
fixing the car, mowing the lawn, recalculating the
angle on the satellite dish. Now, imagine doing all
of those things while a growing organism steals all
of your nutrition.
A fetus has been called a “perfect
parasite”. That means that the baby gets fed
first. Anything mom eats gets divided into two
servings: whatever the baby wants and whatever is
left over. If the mom doesn’t “eat for
two”, she doesn’t eat. The baby is fat
and fine. Most likely, after the meal, he is
floating around in the womb with his hand in his
pants, burping and settling in front of the T.V.
Mom is left to fend for herself.
If mom does consume enough for herself and the
child, chances are pretty good that her share
won’t sit very well.
“Mom, can you drive me to soccer
practice?” the ten-year old son asks.
“You’re going to be a little late,
Sweetie,” Mommy groans. “Mommy’s got
her head in the toilet.”
“Again?”
Dad, on the other hand, has no ill effects when
the old Gestation Ball begins. Aside from a little
“sympathy weight gain”, we don’t
change at all. At one month or nine, we can handle
all of our responsibilities with the same acumen
that we had when there was one child in play and
none on deck.
We do get additional duties when our wife gets
pregnant. We have to take care of her, along with
her children. A pregnancy is a tough thing, and it
is our job to treat our wife, the mother of our
children, as if she were a queen. Why? Two reasons:
First, think of what she is going through. It is a
terribly difficult strain and she needs all the
support she can get. Second, if we carry her
through pregnancy, she cannot turn around after the
delivery and say, “Hey, I carried this child
for nine months. Now it’s your turn.”
©2008, Mark
Phillips
* * *
Women, it's true, make human beings, but
only men can make men. - Margaret Mead
Mark
Phillips is a Stay-At-Home-Dad and freelance
writer. Along with raising his four children, he is
developing a franchise called “The Vacuum IS a
Power Tool.” It is designed to help SAHDs
maintain that which makes us men, instead of hairy
Mom-substitutes. He earned a B.S. in
Communication/Theatre Arts and teaching
certificates in English, public speaking, and
psychology from Eastern Michigan University. After
six years as a high school English teacher and
Director of Dramatic Arts at Powers Catholic High
School in Flint, Michigan, he changed careers and
became a Stay-At-Home-Dad. www.TheVacuumIsAPowerTool.com
or E-Mail
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