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Maybe Manly Sports
There are sports that are obviously manly, like
hockey and boxing. There are sports that are
obviously wimpy, like golf and badminton. Then
there are sports that are hard to define either
way, some because they don’t follow the rules
of “Manly Sports” and some because their
rules are too hard to follow.
NASCAR. To be honest, I don’t understand
the appeal of NASCAR. The tracks are circles. The
cars, fast as they are, just drive around and
around and around. There is no athleticism to speak
of. (“But,” says my pal Billy Bob,
“it’s hard work keeping those cars in
control. Ya’ll ever see how much they’re
sweatin’ when they climb out?”) Until I
see all of the drivers needing to pump iron to beat
the competition, my opinion stays put
However, car racing has a very important aspect
of Manly Sports. It has cars. Men and cars go
together like…men and cars. Their sound, their
feel, their looks all connect with something deep
and powerful in the male psyche. Talking about
engines and horsepower and tires bonds men to each
other like nothing else. NASCAR definitely has its
place in a man’s world. I don’t enjoy
watching the spin cycle at the laundromat and I
don’t like watching car races, but I can see
how another man might use the sport to raise his
testosterone level.
A huge disadvantage of NASCAR is many men’s
inability to realize when they are not driving on a
race course. There should be a big difference in
your driving when you are on a highway with
crossroads, traffic lights, and people who are not
competing with you instead of on a track where
everyone is going the same direction. Lots of folks
fail to recognize that difference and imagine a big
number painted on their hood when they are driving
to work. Stock cars do not have blinkers or brake
lights. This type of driver doesn’t use
either. When we lived in Florida, my wife asked a
co-worker why no one seemed to used blinkers.
His response was, “Blinkers? This is NASCAR
country, Baby!”
How about the bumper sticker that says,
“I’m not tailgating. I’m
drafting.” Clever, but scary for the rest of
us.
Cricket, Rugby, Lacrosse and Curling. These fit
into the category of “Sports I don’t
Understand At All”. Cricket looks a lot like
baseball, so I guess the same rules apply. However,
it is a British sport, so it is probably too polite
to be very masculine.
Rugby, on the other hand, is anything but
polite. I have watched matches and tried to follow
the rules, but it looks like a game I played in
grade school called “Smear the Queer”.
(When I transferred to a Catholic school, they
called it “Kill the Guy.”). The rules
were simple: whoever had the ball got tackled. If
you didn’t want to be tackled, you threw the
ball away. Now that was a game. Rugby’s rules
are more complicated, but the level of carnage is
the same. No pads, lots of tackling and blood. Good
times. This ranks high on the list of Manly
Sports.
Add a stick and you have lacrosse. The rules in
lacrosse are easier to follow. It looks like hockey
with no ice and you keep the ball in a net at the
end of your stick instead of controlling it with
the blade. If your opponent gets in your way, hit
him with your stick. Lacrosse has a weapon and
checking, so it is a good sport to play or
watch.
I don’t know anyone who understands
curling. The one thing it has going for it is that
it is a Canadian sport. Canada invented hockey and
the Mounties, so there must be something there, but
I am having trouble seeing it. It’s very slow
and there is no trash talking at all, but you do
get to heave a rock down a length of ice. You also
get to pretend you’re a zamboni and scrub the
ice all the way down.
No, I still don’t see it.
©2008, Mark
Phillips
* * *
Women, it's true, make human beings, but
only men can make men. - Margaret Mead
Mark
Phillips is a Stay-At-Home-Dad and freelance
writer. Along with raising his four children, he is
developing a franchise called “The Vacuum IS a
Power Tool.” It is designed to help SAHDs
maintain that which makes us men, instead of hairy
Mom-substitutes. He earned a B.S. in
Communication/Theatre Arts and teaching
certificates in English, public speaking, and
psychology from Eastern Michigan University. After
six years as a high school English teacher and
Director of Dramatic Arts at Powers Catholic High
School in Flint, Michigan, he changed careers and
became a Stay-At-Home-Dad. www.TheVacuumIsAPowerTool.com
or E-Mail
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