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NOT For Your Consideration
With the birth of a child, so much is gained, but
some is lost. Gained is the immeasurable joy that
comes from watching a little person grow and learn
and become something great. Lost is a certain
degree of freedom, a level of sanity (that
you’ll find you can live without), and the
ability to go to the bathroom without someone
watching.
When the child arrives, someone will have to
take care of it. Many couples make the choice to
have one of them be that caregiver all day. But
then, which one? This decision used to be easy. The
answer was Mom. Nowadays, there are more and more
Dads who take up the reins of Homemaking. It turns
out that some men are better at being the Primary
Parent than some women. Go figure.
There are lots of variables to consider when
approaching this momentous moment in a
family’s life. (See “What
the Primary Parent Needs” and
“Men Make
Better Housewives”.) There are also things
that do not need to be considered. If too much time
is spent dwelling on these areas, really important
stuff might be put off until the kid is out and
running and the decision is made on the fly. Bad
idea.
The single most important thing to ignore is
what anyone else thinks. If Mom and Dad decide that
Dad is the best Primary Parent for little Junior,
no one else’s opinion matters. “No
one” is a big word. It includes each person
you know, each person you don’t know, each
member of your immediate family and those you only
see at funerals and weddings. It comprises the
ladies at the grocery store who look at you like
you are a freak and the guys on the softball team
who call you a hen-pecked wus. It includes your
father, your big brother, and your wife’s
boss. It includes your pastor and the old biddies
who think it’s a sin that your poor child
doesn’t have a right proper mother, like he
should.
To put this into perspective, who better than
you who is better suited to be YOUR child’s
daily caregiver? Who more than you has to live with
your decision, good or bad? Who has taken on this
great responsibility to raise YOUR child? The
biddies? Nope. It’s you.
Someone might ask, “What does Dad know
about raising babies?”
An answer would be, “Mom’s pretty new
at it, too. I guess we’ll both have to read
the books.”
“But men aren’t made to be nurturing
and sensitive and patient.”
“I am. Oh, by the way. The library called,
You can pick up your “Neanderthal Man
Today” magazine any time.”
“When your little girl has her
first…you know…woman’s time, what
are you going to do?”
“There are lots of options: Call her aunt,
call her grandma, put her in the tub until Mom
comes home. Piece of cake.”
So, spend no time worrying—or even
considering—how the opinions of others will be
affected by your decision. If they want to stick
their noses into your family arrangement, give them
a clean diaper and a box of wipes and tell them to
make themselves useful.
©2008, Mark
Phillips
* * *
Women, it's true, make human beings, but
only men can make men. - Margaret Mead
Mark
Phillips is a Stay-At-Home-Dad and freelance
writer. Along with raising his four children, he is
developing a franchise called “The Vacuum IS a
Power Tool.” It is designed to help SAHDs
maintain that which makes us men, instead of hairy
Mom-substitutes. He earned a B.S. in
Communication/Theatre Arts and teaching
certificates in English, public speaking, and
psychology from Eastern Michigan University. After
six years as a high school English teacher and
Director of Dramatic Arts at Powers Catholic High
School in Flint, Michigan, he changed careers and
became a Stay-At-Home-Dad. www.TheVacuumIsAPowerTool.com
or E-Mail
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