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May
Defining misogyny
In a comment on a post, Jeff JP (who remains
convinced that I am sonehow filled with
self-loathing) does manage to ask a good question
that deserves a thoughtful response. I wrote:
It wasn't until I started to do men's work with
other pro-feminist men that I began to feel
sufficiently empowered to start calling guys on
their (sometimes) unintentional miosgyny.
Jeff JP replied:
Thanks for proving that "misogyny" is one of
those words--just like "patriarchy"--that feminists
have abused and misused so extensively that it's
nearly devoid of meaning. I just checked several
current dictionaries of Standard English, and they
define "misogyny" as "hatred of women." Please
explain how "hatred" can be unintentional.
On reflection, I should have used the word
"unthinking" instead of "unintentional"; a small
distinction that seems to capture my point a bit
better.
I'd suggest that the parallel to "misogyny" is
"bigotry." When it comes to racial issues, are
there not many different types of bigots? Not every
bigot wanders around in a white sheet, aware of and
proud of their race hatreds. Some bigots deny that
they are bigots: "Oh, some of my best friends are
black, but in general..." Hatred is a powerful
word, and it would be too simplistic to believe
that it always manifests itself in violent, obvious
ways.
To hate someone, feminists suggest, is to see
them as less than fully human. Hatred is far more
than an emotion of intense, conscious dislike.
Hatred is the absence of compassion, the absence of
imagination, the absence of a recognition of a
common humanity. Rape is a profound expression of
hatred, because it is misogyny expressed in brutal
physical terms. But just as misogyny has defining
actions (rape and assault), it also has defining
language. The language of misogyny can range from
vicious verbal abuse that reduces a woman to an
object (c*nt, the primary example in American
English) to blanket statements about women's
abilities (women can't drive as well as men.)
Much of the misogyny of the men's rights
movement is directed towards feminists. Just as
racists in the Old South divided blacks into "good
negroes" and "uppity troublemakers", so misogynists
create a dichotomy of "good women" (submissive,
eager to please, able to "take a joke", uncritical
of bad male behavior) and "feminazis" (women who
demand accountability from men and who ask to be
taken seriously as human beings.) To say one likes
individual women, therefore, is no defense against
the charge of misogyny. Plenty of racists like
individual members of other ethnic groups. To be
hostile to the movement that seeks to liberate
women is enough, in my book, to merit the charge of
misogyny.
Misogyny is also institutionalized in our
society. Perhaps it is my Christian faith informing
my feminism, but I am convinced that pornography is
the representative art form of a woman-hating
culture. In porn, women exist to fulfill men's
desires -- they have no real agency of their own.
To see anyone as existing only to serve you and to
fulfill you is, feminists have argued, a practical
form of hatred. Relatively few men who use porn are
conscious of hating women. But regular use of porn
inevitably desensitizes the viewer to the humanity
and dignity of all of the women with whom he
interacts. It defies all we know about human
psychology to say that a fellow can go from
masturbating to images on his TV or computer screen
into interactions with real women without
objectifiying them.
Let's be clear here. Most folks, if they are
really honest about it, go through periods of their
lives where they experience (with varying degrees
of intensity) authentic dislike for the other sex.
Many will go through periods where they also
dislike their own. ( Self-loathing among young
women is famous -- if I had a dollar for every
young woman I've worked with who's said "All my
good friends are guys" or "Girls are too
competitive, I don't like them" I'd have enough
money to pay for a sweet honeymoon!) Most of us
take our own personal negative experiences and, at
least for a while, allow them to make us
fundamentally suspicious of (and perhaps openly
hostile to) the other sex. This is one form of
genuine misogyny -- or, yes, misandry.
We are eager to evade personal responsibility.
An anti-Semite can comfort herself by saying, "Oh,
I don't hate Jews -- Hitler hated Jews. I just
think that they have too much influence in our
culture." A racist can say: "Oh, I don't agree with
the Klan. But if my daughter brought home a black
man, well, I'd be pretty unhappy about that."
Surely we'd all agree that these are examples of
bigotry? Similarly, a man can say "I don't hate
women. I love women. But I think that feminists are
out to control and manipulate us."
That's misogyny too, Jeff.
Source: The assorted musings of
Hugo Schwyzer: a progressive, consistent-life ethic
Anabaptist/Episcopalian Democrat (but with a sense
of humor), a community college history and gender
studies professor, an avid marathoner, aspiring
ultra-runner, die-hard political junkie, and proud
father of a small chinchilla. 
©2005, Hugo
Schwyzer
* * *
Women really must have equal pay for equal work,
equilaity in work at home, and reproductive
choices. Men must press for these things also. They
must cease to see them as "women's issues" and
learn that they are everyone's issues. - essential
to survival on planet Earth. - Erica Jong
The assorted
musings of Hugo Schwyzer: a progressive,
consistent-life ethic Anabaptist/Episcopalian
Democrat (but with a sense of humor), a community
college history and gender studies professor, an
avid marathoner, aspiring ultra-runner, die-hard
political junkie, and proud father of a small
chinchilla. hugoboy.typepad.com
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