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March
Men and Grief
Men have a difficult time with grief; this is an
understatement. Anger is much easier for men to
access. Moreover, boys and adolescents have this
problem as well. Where do they learn these
unfortunate habits? Why from men of course. The old
John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Bruce Willis, Arnold
Schwarzenegger stereotyped behaviors die hard.
Therefore, young men even today struggle with
impressing the girls and women they date and/ or
marry. Unfortunately, they stuff feelings, rarely
cry in public or private and get angry more than
grieve the natural losses that we all face. Death,
loneliness, defeat on the playing field or on the
job--being fired, quitting , being humiliated by
bosses or colleagues, all are sources of grief and
sadness and ought to be given the privilege of
expressing grief safely. However, no where in our
society are there rituals for everyday losses which
may be far worse than physical deaths in boy's and
men's lives.
My job as a Psychotherapist of 30 years is to
help young men and middle age men to grieve these
losses in a safe and secure environment. There are
rituals that I use to help my clients or patients
to deal with these earth shattering losses in very
meaningful ways. Virtually none of my male clients
have ever felt shame or embarrassment by the
processes that I employ which have been used by
countless other therapists as well. There are
national and international men's organizations that
have successfully used the same therapy methods
that I use. Many of these organizations emphasize
"rites of passage" for boys and men which have been
around for thousands of years. Cultures the world
over have used these methods to facilitate the
processing of male grief and loss for
centuries.
If boys and men can grieve successfully, they
are less likely to abuse substances, turn to
violence with other men and women as well. There is
a correlation between being able to express anger,
rage and grief successfully and a recidivism in
prisons and other institutions. Male mental health
improves and a greater sense of connection to one's
fellow man and woman increase.
Allow me to help you learn ways to open your
heart and mind and free yourself from harmful
habits like unresolved loss and grief.
©2010, Michael
Shaffran
* * *
Mike
Shaffran is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and
Psychotherapist with over 30 years experience in
the mental health profession. He's worked most of
his time in outpatient Psychiatric clinics where he
has provided individual, couples/marital, family
and group therapy. He is trained in multiple
therapies, including: Psycho-dynamic,
Gestalt,Structural-Strategic Family, Solution
focused, Brief Therapy, and other methods. He is
trained in EMDR ( a type of therapy for PTSD),
hypnosis, meditation and guided imagery also. Mike
is committed to ongoing seminars, workshops and
trainings to keep current with the latest therapy
to provide the best services possible to his
clients. www.sanluisobispotherapy.com
or E-Mail
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