|
September
The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children
The psychological effects on children of divorce
can be devastating and many divorcing couples are
completely obvious to how their private “War
of the Roses” has lasting effects on their
children. It is said: “Children are always the
losers in divorce.” Unfortunately, parents do
not think about the consequences of how they treat
their soon to be ex-spouse and how they continue to
malign them in front of their children who often
feel loyalty to both parents. These children or
adolescents are often manipulated by their parents
for personal, social or financial reasons. The
stress that this causes the children can lead to
anxiety, depression, substance abuse, delinquent
behavior and teen pregnancy by the girls.
Sometimes, the children even make suicide attempts.
It has been noted by Clinicians and Therapists that
the children caught in the middle of the
parents’ animosity during separation or
divorce proceedings have attention and
concentration problems; academic problems; anger
problems and sleep disorders. Some even have
bedwetting and bowel problems. Therefore, it
behooves the parents to find ways to mediate and
minimize the destructive effects on their children.
Working with mediators getting the entire family
into family therapy; getting the divorcing couple
to go to couples therapy to do
“un-coupling” therapy and/or sending the
children or adolescents for individual therapy are
all great ways to assure good mental and physical
health for the children. Sometimes, medication or
alternative medicine could also benefit the
children of divorce.
One of the major problems for the children of
divorce is that they blame themselves often and
think: “It’s my fault that my parents are
divorcing.” There must be something wrong with
me.” “If I do X,Y or Z, I can get my
parents back together again.” These children
need psychological services to understand that
their guilt feelings have nothing to do with the
conflicts of their parents. A good Therapist can
help them work through their guilt, restore their
self-esteem and help them resolve anxiety,
depression, substance abuse and any harmful
thoughts or behaviors that they might have as a
result of the devastating effects that separation
and/or divorce have on them and their family
unit.
That being said, there are times when a divorce
is necessary and even beneficial, even for
children. Generally speaking, it is when one or
both parent are violent and refuse any type of
therapy or treatment (alcohol or drugs, for
example). Even the expert on divorce Judith
Wallerstein has admitted that divorce is necessary
when children are being exposed to violence, or
receiving physical , emotional or sexual abuse that
cannot be resolved by individual or family therapy.
In these instances, the children survive and even
thrive in time, having been saved from a harmful
environment. Obviously, a parent has got to use
wisdom and common sense when a marital and familial
situation is untenable or destructive.
As stated, the benefits of counseling or
psychotherapy are immense for children from
divorced homes. Psychologists, Social Workers and
Marriage and Family Therapists can provide enormous
benefits for children and adolescents suffering
from low self-esteen, anxiety and depression to
name a few difficulties. Seasoned and sophisticated
attorneys understand the benefits of addressing
these issues with a trained professional. They
appreciate how a Therapist can alleviate the
suffering caused by all too often "warring parties"
who are often insensitive to the needs of their
offspring. Their children did not ask to be brought
into the world and they certainly did not ask to be
neglected or pushed aside due to the separation or
divorce of their parents.
Individual, group or family therapy are the
methods most often used by Counselors or Therapists
to help the children. Play therapy or art therapy
are great adjuncts to more traditional therapy,
especially with younger children who are not very
verbal or simply too young to express themselves as
older adolescents are more skilled to do.
Another salient point is that parents can
benefit a great deal from their own therapy,
whether individual, group, couples or family
therapy. All of these types of therapy have been
benefits and it's up to the skilled Therapist to
make that determination. Some men, for example,
need a men's group as they had poor relationships
with their own fathers and have few skills in
parenting their children, especially boys. Some
women were abused sexually and may need special
attention from a female Therapist, either
individually or also in a group setting. Then
benefits of family therapy are substantial when it
comes to helping a divorcing family address issues
of grief, sadness, anger,etc. Several sessions can
have a ripple effect that last months or years
afterwards if the Family Therapist is able to guide
the family through choppy waters to dry land, so to
speak. Helping all concerned to assuage their
consciences and accept that for whatever reason not
all marriages are meant to last and that the family
members are good people and that life goes on;that
their is life after divorce can benefit all. Again,
the children, who are especailly vulnerable, need
to get the message loud and clear that they did not
cause their parents to separate or divorce and that
they are lovable beings in spite of the
irreconciliable differences of their parents.
Finally, the good news is that children can
survive and thrive if there are loving adults and
role models in their lives post-divorce families.
If their parents are mature enough to nurture them
and love them in spite of divorce, their children
will do well. If the children are fortunate enough
to see their parents go on to chose other partners
and have loving relationships with them with
minimum strife and conflict, then this pattern will
be a helpful model in how to select a mate someday
for themselves. In closing then, Family Attorneys
can be very beneficial in guiding their clients in
seeking and obtaining the help they need; they can
make all the difference in the world facilitating
health and wholeness post-divorce.
©2009, Michael
Shaffran
* * *
Mike
Shaffran is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and
Psychotherapist with over 30 years experience in
the mental health profession. He's worked most of
his time in outpatient Psychiatric clinics where he
has provided individual, couples/marital, family
and group therapy. He is trained in multiple
therapies, including: Psycho-dynamic,
Gestalt,Structural-Strategic Family, Solution
focused, Brief Therapy, and other methods. He is
trained in EMDR ( a type of therapy for PTSD),
hypnosis, meditation and guided imagery also. Mike
is committed to ongoing seminars, workshops and
trainings to keep current with the latest therapy
to provide the best services possible to his
clients. www.sanluisobispotherapy.com
or E-Mail
Contact
Us |
Disclaimer
| Privacy
Statement
Menstuff®
Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
Clay
©1996-2023, Gordon Clay
|
