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December
Is Love Real?
If I have committed myself to the Creator, I am
free to commit myself to another person in a way
that creates the deepest kind of love between two
human beings. Because my happiness is not dependent
on you, I am free to love and serve you in the most
joyous, exciting and most rewarding way. I am free
to give you all my love because, through my
foundation in my relationship with my Creator, I
know that the more love I give, the more I receive
and have to give. author unknown
After a divorce and a couple of failed
relationships I was forced to ask myself the
question. Is love real? For the first time in my
life I had to admit that I really did not know what
true love was. During the course of my six year
marriage I thought I was in love. But the problem
was in “thinking” I was in love rather
than “feeling” in love. After weeks of
self- introspection, I decided that I wanted to
have the true experience of “feeling” in
love. This decision took me on one of the most
difficult yet rewarding journeys of my life. I came
to a fork in the road and I decided to walk the
road less traveled. This road would challenge me to
look at all the beliefs and perceptions that I had
about love. It would confront my views on
masculinity and even confront my feelings of
"blackness". Although it was a bit frightening to
begin with, intuitively I knew that the keys to my
happiness would be found along this lonesome
road.
The journey began with me identifying my own
emotional fears and concerns. As I traveled down
the road of discovery I found that I had a deep
fear of intimacy due to my lack of trust. This fear
was the primary reason I had not been able to
experience real love. It originated from earlier
childhood experiences, which I had suppressed and
was completely unconscious of. After recognizing
that the fear was there, I chose to remove it. This
is where my journey led me to my “emotional
excavation process”. This process of emotional
healing helped me reconnect to my feelings, which
opened the door to finding real love. Without this
process it would be virtually impossible for me to
intimately connect with someone on an emotional
level.
This is where my masculinity and my cultural
identity was challenged. First of all, men are not
supposed to talk about “feelings”. I
experienced a deep sense of alienation and being
alone because most men would not speak openly about
what was truly going on inside of them. As I shared
my journey with some men I noticed that the
overwhelming majority of them were not only
uncomfortable speaking about this topic, they were
also unfamiliar with the language of emotions.
Another challenge along the road of discovery
for me was addressing my ethnicity. During this
process I found very few blacks (if any) that were
willing to discuss emotional issues. I was
constantly accused of trying to be white and being
caught up in the “white folks mentality”
for being willing to address these emotional and
psychological issues. I sometimes questioned my own
cultural identity. Was I denying my blackness by
being willing to go to therapy? Does this mean that
I’m a sell-out because I want to experience
deep levels of love and intimacy in relationships?
Why aren’t more black people reading books
about childhood trauma and personal development?
There were so many questions yet so few
answers.
As I pondered these questions I ran across a
poem that would give me the courage and the
strength to proceed on my journey. The poem was
called The Invitation. In the poem the writer asks,
“Are you willing to disappoint another in
order to be true to yourself?” I knew this was
the answer I was looking for. That one sentence
challenged me to trust my own inner voice and
proceed with my journey. I had to be true to myself
despite what anyone else said or believed. I knew
that I was completely responsible for my own
happiness and I had to be willing to trust my gut
feelings to find the peace that I was searching
for. It had nothing to do with my ethnicity but it
had everything to do with my humanity.
My journey helped me realize that I had always
focused my attention on things outside of myself. I
expended an incredible amount of energy on my
career, my relationships, sex, my children, my
money and my material possessions and even my
physical body. It wasn’t until I looked within
myself and addressed my heart and soul that I was
able to experience real love and authentic
happiness. I accomplished this by doing four
things.
1. I made a commitment to healing my heart by
going to therapy and participating in numerous
workshops and seminars.
2. I read literally hundreds of books dealing with
healing childhood trauma and personal
development.
3. I learned how to meditate and developed a
consistent meditation practice, which I still
practice to this day.
4. I developed a spiritual connection that nurtures
my soul and spirit.
I cannot put into words the joy and serenity I
feel on a daily basis as a result of this journey.
Now that I have healed my heart and spirit I am
able to experience love on a deep emotional level.
The key was in learning to love myself and letting
go of any hurt and resentments that were buried
deep in my psyche. By learning to love myself I am
now open and able to receive love from others. I
now know that love is real. It has nothing to do
with age, ethnicity, gender or religious
orientation. It has everything to do with opening
your heart and being able to “feel” the
love that has always been there. It sort of reminds
me of the story of the Wizard of Oz. All of the
characters in the movie thought the wizard could
give them the things they were looking for, but it
turned out that they already had those things
inside of them. I had been looking for love outside
of me but when I looked inside there it was all
along.
It has been a beautiful journey so far and I
look forward to continuing my quest for
authenticity. I have come to the conclusion that
love is definitely real, you just have to know
where to look to find it. You will never find it
outside of yourself until you find it within. So
remember, “Seek and ye shall find, ask and it
shall be given to you, knock and the door will be
opened to you"”
I hope you choose to go on your own personal
journey. I can assure you that you are never alone.
If you look closely enough you might even see me
along the way. Good luck. I’ll meet you along
the road less traveled.
In the meantime, know that love is real. You
will not find it in someone else until you find it
within yourself. Look deep within and there you
will find what your heart has in store for you. If
you do not go within to find love you will always
go without having it.
Go within!
©2009, Michael
Taylor
* * *
Michael
Taylor is a dreamer, revolutionary, an
entrepreneur, author (A New
Conversatoin with
Men), personal
development coach and motivational speaker who has
dedicated his life to empowering men (and women) to
reach their full potential. He does not consider
himself to be an expert or guru. He does consider
himself to be extremely knowledgeable in the field
of personal growth and development. The fact is, he
is an ordinary guy that made a commitment to live
an extraordinary life and he wants to challenge you
to do the same. E-Mail
or www.anewconversationwithmen.com
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