In our culture, the quintessential story of male coming of age is slaying the dragon. To have the maiden (to know an adult relationship with a women – not simply a sexual one but a full adult relationship) a man must slay his mother (the dragon) who keeps him a child. The male initiation of every culture involves releasing mother-ties to be one’s own, independent force in the world. An outward or material accomplishment is its symbol as a hero (or adult male) is one who overcomes. But what is overcome is as much internal as external. Only by this “conquest” does one become one’s own man. Now it is your life and a man can give it to his own, chosen woman. The quintessential tale of female maturation is Beauty and the Beast. Beauty leaves ugly Beast with his pretense of civility that thinly veils a frightening, untamed nature (the wild, independent force of masculinity). She returns to her father (safety) and forgets her promise to go back to Beast. But a vision or inner voice tells her that Beast is dying from that unkept promise. Though free, she feels compelled to return, and when she kisses Beast (when she embraces all the repulsive things that are Man with acceptance and compassion), he suddenly appears to her as a Handsome Prince. Beast didn’t change. Beauty did. Embracing Beast takes putting aside prissiness and being “so good,” as though you only become a princess when you stop pretending you were one. Only when you embrace reality for yourself can you see its magnificence instead of only its threat. The female step into adulthood is characterized by inner awakening. It is the classic kissing of the toad which produces the same “turns into” a Handsome Prince (adulthood and adult relationship). Inner awakenings are many to womanhood, analogous to first menstruation when one becomes aware of an inner potential that transcends one’s life. Its symbolism is internal, not external accomplishment. Of course, these are ideals. These stories last because they describe instinctive truths as both genders have their own path to the same thing. But real life introduces distortions to each individual until realizing our potential is crippled. Few reach the happy ending of maturity, and the social signs of such failure continue. In 1943, a disgruntled Philip Wylie called his a Generation of Vipers. He derided women’s Cinderella Syndrom: Anxious to be swept away by Prince Charming, then quickly disenchanted when they discovered their husband was not, so left the marriage still seeking a fantasy. You could say they failed to kiss the toad. (Know and accept reality before its latent rewards could appear) Men take no quarters here. Robertson Davies wrote effectively in The Manticore of the effect of a man who projected his Animus (idealized woman) onto a woman he then married. Both were crushed by the same false expectations and inevitable disappointment. Today’s women express it differently but it is the same. Consider those who deride men, or call all sex rape and marriage, slavery. Consider the cynicism toward the kiss-the-toad motif itself: how stupid does anyone think woman are? Many men have not slain their dragon and sheepishly go along. They take no pride in their masculinity having little idea what it is. Neither have surrendered to the same reality but cling to images of a child’s longings. Women, yes, see men as horrid and brutal, even stupid and uncivilized. Then embrace that and love it for its immense creative force which will sustain you. Women still must kiss the toad; men must slay their dragon. ©2007 KC Wilson To nourish children and raise them against odds is in any time, any place, more valuable than to fix bolts in cars or design nuclear weapons. - Marilyn French
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