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Cheating.
Her cheatin' heart
What Does A Woman Consider
Cheating?
What Does A Woman Consider Cheating?
So when it comes to what women consider cheating, I wondered, do women and men differ all that much when it comes to what we perceive as cheating? Apparently so.
cheating is different
I always told my guy friends that to figure out whether or not they're crossing the line with another girl while in a relationship, they need only picture their girlfriend doing the same thing and admit whether or not that would upset them. Unfortunately, what women consider being unfaithful goes far beyond poking another woman with your penis.
How would you feel if your girl was confiding in another guy about her sexual likes and dislikes? What about if she was dirty dancing in a nightclub with a guy? Would you consider that cheating? Believe it or not, a lot of women do.
Most guys -- 74%, according to an AskMen.com Dating survey -- think that cheating starts with a kiss; that is, sexual contact constitutes cheating. For women, however, a kiss doesn't even have to be part of the equation.
I talked to 100 women and here's what some of them consider cheating:
Confiding in other women
Apparently, connecting with another woman on an emotional level is worse that connecting with her on a sexual level. "If he allows himself to connect with another woman, if he talks to her comfortably about the things that we should be sharing with each other, if he makes that kind of connection," says Tina, 34, a chartered accountant, "that's more hurtful to me than if he has one night of torrid sex with an anonymous woman he meets."
How many women think it's cheating: 36%
Dancing closely
If you're at a nightclub and start rubbing your crotch against another woman's ass, your girl might consider that being unfaithful. "When I dance with my guy, it's like we're virtually having sex," confesses Alicia, 27, an administrative assistant, "so if he does that with someone else, he obviously desires her the way he desires me, and that's unacceptable."
How many women think it's cheating: 41%
Flirting provocatively
If you joke around with the receptionist at your office, that's one thing; if you have an ongoing sexual conversation with the barrista at Starbucks, in which you describe what you want to do to her in private, then chances are you haven't told your girl about it because she might consider that a form of betrayal. "I don't mind innocent flirting, I do it all the time," admits Jennifer, 39, a dentist, "but if he's flirting with the intent of eventually getting a piece of ass, then it's over."
How many women think it's cheating: 35%..
Getting private dances at strip joints
There are some women who think that going to a strip joint in and of itself constitutes cheating, but not every woman in this survey did. The problem, however, surfaces when a guy pays to touch a stripper. "Logically speaking, he might as well go to a whore, because at least then he can get his rocks off. But I digress," says Helen, 23, a student. "I think that if a guy has to go to a strip joint to touch a pair of [breasts], then there's a problem within the relationship. It's cheating, no doubt."
How many women think it's cheating: 79%
Engaging in cyber sex
Getting on the Net and talking sex to other women ranks high on the "cheating" scale. Masturbating while doing so is even worse. "If I discovered that my guy was yanking away to other chicks on the Internet, I'd be so hurt," says Tammy, 34, a housewife. "I pride myself on making sure my husband is sexually satisfied, so first, I'd ask him why, and if the answer is complete crap, I'd leave him."
How many women think it's cheating: 80%
Engaging in any sort of sexual contact
I'm pretty sure you expected to see this here, and, well, here it is. If you kiss, caress, lick, suck, or have sex with another woman while you're in a monogamous relationship, you're cheating. "A boyfriend once tried to convince me that receiving oral sex was not cheating," says Rita, 46, a real estate agent, "so I told him that I was glad he didn't think so because I let a colleague go down on me the week before. Let's just say, his tune changed a little bit."
How many women think it's cheating: 100%
are you or aren't you?
In the grand scheme of things, you'd think that if you couldn't accept your girl doing something with another man, then you probably shouldn't do it with another woman. The difference lies in what each gender considers cheating, however.
So now you know what many women think; now it's up to you to figure out what your girl would consider cheating.
And hey, if you're not happy with your sex life for any reason, rather than find another girl to give it to, focus instead on trying to fix what you have. If your girl still won't give you any play, then perhaps you should move along and give your goods to a woman who's worthy.
The bottom line is that we all want to feel safe in a relationship and having to worry about whether or not our significant other is going to cheat does not equate that feeling. Then again, if women consider being friendly with other women cheating, what's to say we'll ever feel safe?
Source: By Vanessa Burton vanessaburton@askmen.com
or www.askmen.com/love/vanessa_100/113_love_secrets.html
I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for two years now. I love her and I believe she loves me, but last night, she dropped a bombshell: She told me that she’d cheated on me that morning with a co-worker. She said she was extremely sorry and cried all night, saying she was stupid and that she didn’t want to lose me. I tried to calm her down when she told me (I really thought she was going to do something to hurt herself if I broke up with her), and then I told her I needed a week to think things over. I didn’t say much after that, and she asked me why I was so quiet and I told her I was so mad I didn’t want to say something I might regret.
She has never done anything like this before and she confessed right away, and if you saw how she was crying and shaking you would know that she is sincere. The problem is, I don’t know how I will see her in the future, or if I can trust her again. I do know I still have strong feelings for her and seeing her the way she was last night was almost as upsetting as what she did in the first place. So should I leave her, or should I give her another chance?
-Pained in Pennsylvania
Yo, P.P.-
Regular readers know I usually start off my weekly columns with a glib little joke, but you’re raised a serious issue, P.P., so there’ll be no silliness this week.
One of the primary keys to any relationship – be it lovers, or friends, or spouses – is trust. You have to believe in the person the same way you’d want them to believe in you. If you’re afraid they won’t do what they say they’re going to do, you’ll question their every word, and dissatisfaction and/or anger will inevitably creep in and sour things. It might a slow souring, but a loss of trust is the surest way to put the kibosh on any bond, regardless of how solid that bond may be.
Now your girlfriend betrayed your trust big-time, but on the plus
side, she owned up to her grievous error immediately, so there’s
hope for her. Her confession doesn’t mitigate her cheating, but
at least it demonstrates she wants to try and repair what she broke.
Yeah, it might be a case of too little, too late, but at least the
thought was there. Bottom line, if you think you two can fix it,
don’t do it halfway. Put your hearts 100% into it and rebuild
that foundation as best you can, and if you need to go to a couples
therapist for help, I’m all for it. Bear in mind that if you
stay with her, do it because you want to and because you love her,
not because of any desire to protect her. In this situation,
it’s not the least bit selfish to put your feelings way ahead of
hers.
Source: Alan Goldsher, msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=3187&menuid=6&TrackingID=516163&BannerID=558930
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