Secrets

Menstuff® has compiled the following information on Secrets.

The 11 Secrets Most Women Keep
Shh...The Secrets That All Wives Keep
The 11 Secrets Most Men Keep
Secrets-Survey

The 11 Secrets Most Women Keep


You may think you know your wife better than anyone, but chances are she has at least one ''don't-tell-the-husband" secret! And she might have 11.

Men often think of women as being a profound mystery, something most women tend to cultivate. But understanding the woman you love may be a lot easier if you know her secrets. And, boy, does she have secrets. Redbook deputy editor Jeannie Kim writes in that magazine that all womankind has 11 near-universal secrets, some of which will shock men and some of which they'll realize they suspected all along.

The 11 secrets most women keep, including your wife:

1. Everything a woman buys for herself -- from shoes to skirts and even shampoo -- really costs 20 percent more than she tells you.

2. She actually thinks about sex -- with you -- a lot. (It's just that by the end of the day she's too tired to do anything about it.)

3. She is just as nervous about commitment as you are.

4. She may be modern and independent, but she still wants you to be "the man."

5. Her ex-boyfriends were not completely terrible in bed.

6. She is scared that she'll turn into her mother. (So the worst insult you can throw at the woman you love is, "You're acting just like your mother.")

7. She wants you to be jealous -- but just a little bit.

8. Yes, she fantasizes about hot celebrity guys, but that doesn't mean she wants you to be one of them.

9. She tells her girlfriends more than she will ever admit to you (but less than you fear).

10. She really does notice and appreciate all the chores you do.

11. She loves you with all her heart, but she still gets wistful about the fact that she'll never feel that falling-in-love sizzle and spark again.

Source: Redbook, personals.aol.com/love-dating/_a/the-latest-in-love-and-dating-news-the/20070911161609990001

The 11 Secrets Most Men Keep


You may think you know your husband better than anyone, but chances are he has at least one ''don't-tell-the-wife'' secret -- and he may have 11 of them!

Men get smarter as they age. While a younger man might think being honest is always the best policy, he quickly learns that some things are best kept secret the first time he confesses to his girlfriend that yes, he was watching that pretty young thing in the bikini wash her car.

Magazine writer and editor Ty Wenger revealed in Redbook what every woman wants to know: What secrets is her husband keeping from her?

Although men who tell too many lies and keep too many secrets risk souring a relationship from lack of trust, some of the more innocuous lies are told and secrets are kept to keep the peace. That is the kind of secret Wenger is revealing. And ladies, some of these secrets will melt your heart and make you so happy you married the man you did.

11 secrets most men keep, including your husband:

1. Yes, he falls in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean he wants to leave you.

2. He actually does play golf to get away from you.

3. He is unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after he has made one to you.

4. Earning money makes him feel important.

5. Though he often protests, he actually enjoys fixing things around the house.

6. He likes it when you mother him, but he's terrified that you'll become your mother.

7. Every year he loves you more.

8. He really doesn't understand what you're talking about when you discuss "issues" in your relationship. It makes no sense at all to him -- even though he will nod in agreement and apparent understanding.

9. He is terrified when you drive.

10. He'll always wish he was 25 again.

11. Give him an inch and he'll give you a lifetime. Translation: Let him be a dumb guy and play poker with his buddies or go on vacation alone, and he'll love you forever for that.

"And that's the truth," insists Wegner.

Source: Redbook, personals.aol.com/love-dating/_a/the-latest-in-love-and-dating-news-the/20070913132809990001

Shh...The Secrets That All Wives Keep


We asked 900+ married women what they conceal from and reveal to their husbands. Here's what they said. How do you compare?

Who is more honest: men or women?

72% of you said: "Women tell the truth more often."
28% of you said: "Men fess up more readily."

Are little white lies ever okay to tell your spouse?

71% of you said: "Yes."

"As long as it's not about the fundamentals of marriage. Men don't want to hear everything anyway."— Melissa, Pasadena, MD

29% of you said: "No, a lie is a lie."

"Even small lies can have big consequences. Complete honesty works." — Laurie, Philadelphia

When a girlfriend asks you not to tell anyone her secret, do you tell your husband?

57% of you said: "Yes, he is my ultimate confidant."

"I'd want to share that intimacy — but I'd kill him if he repeated it!" — Dawn, Chicago

43% of you said: "No, I wouldn't betray my friend's trust."

"Besides, if I told him intimate things about my girlfriend, he'd look at her differently." — Nicole, Bakersfield, CA

Have you given your husband a compliment that wasn't true?

65% of you said: "Nope. I call it as I see it."

"Insincerity benefits no one. If I tell him to change clothes, he can take it." — Tiffany, Columbus, GA

"I never do that because my husband already knows he looks good!"— Donna, Des Moines

35% of you said: "Yep. I boost his self-esteem."

"He has pants that make his butt look fat! I say he looks good to protect his ego. I bet he does the same for me." — Kristen, Mount Union, PA

Have you ever lied about how much you paid for a purchase?

66% of you said: "Of course."

"I told him a designer bag was a fake." — Joanne, Suffern, NY

"He's frugal. It's not fair to deny myself things we can afford. I told him our $500 DVD player cost $200. We're both happy." — Dawn, Chicago

34% of you said: "Never."

Is not telling your spouse something the same as lying?

70% of you said: "No way."

30% of you said: "Oh, yeah!"

Have you ever hid a purchase from your husband?

60.5% of you said: "Certainly."

"When I buy new shoes, which he thinks is frivolous, I just leave them in my car. Then I'll put them on in the car on days I want to wear them." —Kristen, Mount Union, PA

39.5% of you said: "Not a chance."

"If it's a purchase that I feel uneasy about making in the first place, because he would question it, then I shouldn't be buying it." — Melissa, Winsted, CT

Have you lied to your husband about the number of your premarital sex partners?

80.5% of you said: "No, I've been up-front about my past."

"I'm not embarrassed about the people who've been an important part of my life. They've contributed to who I am." — Mary, Danbury, CT

19.5% of you said: "Yes."

"I don't tell him everything. I'm sure he hasn't told me everything. There are things that are better left unsaid." — Nicole, Bakersfield, CA

Have you talked to an old boyfriend and not mentioned it to your husband?

68% of you said: "No big deal. I told him."

32% of you said: "I kept it quiet."

Have you ever invented an excuse to avoid having sex with your husband?

52% of you said: "Nope."

"I don't make up stories when I'm not in the mood. Why should I have sex when I don't want to — or be afraid to say so?" — Emily, Reno, NV

48% of you said: "It's happened."

"I make excuses all the time! My husband shouldn't wait until 10pm to put the moves on me when I'm really exhausted after a long day." — Nancy, Los Angeles

Have you ever faked an orgasm with your husband?

52% of you said: "Oh, yes!"

"My husband is one of those men who thinks that if a woman doesn't have an orgasm, then she's not having a good time. So I'll fake it to save his feelings." —Wendy, Chicago

"There's a point where you just think, 'Enough already.'"— Dawn, Chicago

48% of you said: "Oh, no!"

"Faking an orgasm is just denying yourself pleasure. Why should I remain unsatisfied?" —Laurie, Philadelphia

Do you have a fantasy you've never shared with your husband?

55.5% of you said: "He knows my erotic thoughts."

"Letting my husband in on my role-playing fantasies has made our marriage more fun and interesting." — Melinda, Pittsburgh, PA

44.5% of you said: "Yes!"

"I'm too shy to tell my husband that I often fantasize about us making love in public places — on a park bench or under a restaurant table. I'd never do these exhibitionist things. But if I told my husband, he'd want to follow through on them — then I'd really be in trouble!" --Susie, Santa Fe, NM

Honesty in Marriage: The Expert's Take

Are white lies okay in marriage? Or does deception of any kind lead to marital problems? John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and a Redbook Marriage Institute advisory board expert, weighs in.

Why it's okay to lie about crushes: "The number-one secret couples keep from each other is an attraction to another person. People have fantasies about other partners all the time that they never plan to act on. Men's fantasies tend to be sexual, while women's tend to be relationship-oriented. But most married couples keep quiet about this so as not to hurt their spouse's feelings, and that's okay. Most people couldn't handle having a spouse say to them, 'My fantasy is to make love with our neighbor.'"

Why you should tell the truth about shopping: "A big source of stress in marriage is money. So it's not uncommon for husbands and wives to deceive each other about their spending habits, because they fear that being forthcoming will garner them criticism and stress. But in the long run, when you hide this from your partner, you're not being open and don't trust that he'll support your decisions. This eventually builds up and gets in the way of communication and passion. You reach a point at which you can't honestly talk to the person you've chosen to share your life with!"

What about telling someone else's secrets? "Women view the telling of secrets as a way to increase intimacy and say, 'I'm sharing this because you're special.' If your husband is your best friend, then it's natural to want to confide in him. But you need to be certain he'll keep the info private."

Is there such a thing as a "harmless" white lie? "Nearly everyone tells one occasionally to avoid hurting their spouse's feelings. But your goal is to have more integrity, to not get into the habit of telling white lies. Honesty empowers you; it keeps how you feel and what you say in sync. That balance and openness gives you personal energy and, ultimately, gives your marriage more strength."
Source: www.redbookmag.com/love/secrets-wives-keep-ll?par=webmd_h%7crbk%7cemb%7c

Secrets

 

Trigger Warning

The content displayed on this web page may be sensitive to some viewers. Viewing is not advised if you may become easily triggered.

If you think you might be triggered and need support, click here before you start the first video and copy down the phone numbers, chat lines or text message numbers that you would feel most comfortable contacting. Remember, suicide is preventable. It is not chosen. It is momentary. It happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. You're not a bad, o crazy, or weak, or flawed person if you feel suicidal. It doesn't mean that you really want to die. Know that contacting someone isn't a sign of weakness. It shows real strength to ask for help.

 

Secrets is a process that one or more people can do together and, if a group, can be an ongoing time to gather in a private place to answer the question "R U OK?" and take an opportunity to
talk about what's going on in your life, difficulties, triumphs, ask for help, offer to help someone else.

A place to start is to print out this Survey Form.

When you can commit a minimum of a half an hour up to as much as three and a half hours, at your earliest convenience, that could possibly save a friends life, follow this process.

Find a place where you won't be interrupted by others, the phone, text messages, etc. Preferably a quiet place.

Take a few moments to breathe and relax before you start.

Get a stop watch.

Have a box of facial tissues handy.

The Process

Have you every seriously considered suicide? Have you ever actually attempted suicide? Have you lost someone important to you to suicide? Do you know someone who has attempted suicide? Can you think of anyone you know who might be considering suicide? Note on the Survey Form the feelings as they come up.

Each video is approximately five minutes long.

Start the stop watch when you start the first video.

Automatically click on the next video and continue the process.

Look at each person's face and read as much of the information about the person as you can.

Note on the survey form the time on the stop watch:

When you first teared

When you first whimpered

When you first cried out loud

When you first wailed

When you were moved to find out what you can do to help achieve Zero Suicide

Record the time when you stopped watching. Close your eyes and take some time to feel what's going on for you. Journal any particular feeling, memories, thoughts, as they come up.

If you didn't complete the series of videos and choose to continue after a break, start the stop watch and continue recording your process.

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Post Survey Process

We ask that you send a copy of your completed survey, with your age, gender, age that you may have seriously considered suicide, age if you actually attempted and by what means,

I would like to hear to your story. If you include your name and contact information, known that I am the only person who will ever see it.

Send the survey to Gordon Clay via email at gordonclay@aol.com or snail mail at PO Box 12, Brookings, OR 97415

Get Involved and help us achieve Zero Suicide.
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Dedicated To All Who Have Committed Suicide
Are you suicidal?
Suicide Effects Everyone Not Just U - PSA
I Jumped Off The Golden Gate Bridge
Never Alone
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Suicide Room
BarlowGirl
Suicide Room

CDC Podcasts
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Preventing Suicide in Young People

Traumatic Events and Suicide

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Alcohol and Risk of Suicide

Coping with Traumatic Events

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Toxicology Testing and Results for Suicide Victims
Coping With Depression and Thoughts of Suicide After a Disaster

National Strategy for Suicide Prevention 2012: How You Can Play a Role in Preventing Suicide

2012 National Strategy for Suicide Prevention: Goals and Objectives for Action (184 page pdf)

How You Can Play a Role in Preventing Suicide (3 page pdf]

Related Issues: Zero Suicide, Suicide, Teen Suicide, 741741

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