Shit Happens

Menstuff® has compiled the following information on Shit Happens.

How Shit Happens
Shit Happens in World Religions

How Shit Happens


1. In the beginning was the Plan.
2. And then came the Assumptions.
3. And the Assumptions were without form.
4. And the Plan was without Substance.
5. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.
6. And the Workers spoke among themselves saying, "It is a crock of shit, and it stinks."
7. And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a crock of dung, and we cannot live with the smell."
8. And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, "It is a container of organic waste, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."
9. And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
10. And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
11. And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."
12. And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "It has very powerful effects."
13. And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good.
14. And the Plan became Policy.
15. And that is how shit happens.

Shit Happens in Various World Religions (6/20/08)
  • Taoism: Shit happens or If you understand shit, it isn't shit.
  • Shintoism - You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
  • Jehovah's Witness: Let us in and we will tell you why shit happens or Knock Knock, "Shit Happens."
  • Confucianism: Confucius say "Shit happens."
  • Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit or Shit happens because of desire
  • Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
  • Hinduism: This shit happened before or There isn't anything like a good shit happening.
  • Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah
  • Nation of Islam - Don't take no shit.
  • Sikhism - Leave our shit alone
  • Hedonism - I love it when shit happens or there isn't anything like a good shit happening.
  • Satanism - Sneppah tihs
  • Capitalism - This is MY shit.
  • Mormonism: Shit happens again & again & again or Excrement happens (don't say shit)
  • Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough
  • Stoicism: This shit is good for me
  • Christian Science: Shit is only in your mind or Only good shit happens
  • Seventh Day Adventist: No shit on Saturdays
  • Scientology - If shit happens, see Dianetics. p. 137
  • Hare Krishna: Shit happens, shit happens, happens happens, shit happens or Shit happens rama rama ding ding
  • Taoism: Shit happens or If you understand shit, it isn't shit.
  • Shintoism - You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
  • Jehovah's Witness: Let us in and we will tell you why shit happens or Knock Knock, "Shit Happens."
  • Moonies: Only happy shit happens
  • Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit
  • Existentialism: What is shit, anyway?
  • Existential Nihilism: Shit happens and then you die
  • Quadrinity Process: Shit happens, recycle it
  • Unity: There is no shit
  • Atheism: Shit happens for no apparent reason or No shit or I don't believe this shit
  • Agnostic:  Farts happen or Can you prove that shit happens?
  • Mysticism - This is really weird shit
  • Voodoo - Shit doesn't just happen, we made it happen
  • Quakers: Let's have a meeting
  • Communism - Let's share the shit
  • Marxism - You have nothing to lose but your shit
  • Conspiracy Theorism - THEY shit on us!
  • Psychoanalysis - Tell me about your shit
  • Darwinism - Survival of the shittiest
  • Amish - Modern shit is useless
  • Suicidal - I've had enough of this shit
  • Optimism - Shit won't happen to me
  • Trekism - To boldly shit where no-one has shit before
  • Shakespearean - To shit or not to shit, that is the question
  • Descartes - I shit therefore I am
  • Freud - Shit is a phallic symbol
  • Lawyers - For enough money, I can get you out of shit
  • Acupuncturist - Hold still or this will hurt like shit
  • Einstein - Shit is relative
  • Disneyism - Bad shit doesn't happen here
  • Family gathering - Relatives are shit.
  • Materialism - Whoever dies with the most shit, wins
  • Vegetarianism - If it happens to shit, don't eat it.
  • Fatalism - Oh shit, it's going to happen.
  • Environmentalism - Shit is biodegradable
  • Statistician - Shit is 84.7% likely to happen
  • Tantrism - Fuck this shit
  • Cynicism - We are all full of shit.
  • Evangelist: Send me all your money or shit will happen to you
  • Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else
  • Baptism - We'll wash the shit right off you
  • Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it or It's all your fault
  • Judaism: Why does shit always happen to US?
  • Orthodox Judaism - So shit happens, already
  • New Agers: You needed to have this shit in your life, now visualize it away or Learn the lesson it has to teach. or Visualize shit happening
  • Goddess: You can make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times.
  • Feminism - Shit happens and it's all men's fault or Men are shit
  • Americanism - Who gives a shit
  • Politically correct - Internally processed, nutritionally-drained biological output happens
  • Surrealism - Fish happens

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