On Friday, February 13, 2004, my partner Stanley
and I were married at City Hall in San Francisco.
Our dear friends Barbara and Richard were our
witnesses. I am writing this brief email to explain
why I decided to get married.
From before I knew I was gay I was attacked by
the other boys in school for being a "Fag". This
attacked included name calling and physical attack
and has lasted to this day. For me the denial of my
desire to be married to my partner of over four
years and receive the benefits that heterosexual
couples receive is a continuation of this
It is so often said that homosexuals are
attacking the foundation of a civilized society by
our desires to have the same rights and freedoms
that heterosexuals enjoy. Yet I do not see the same
hatred and bigotry shown towards heterosexuals that
heterosexuals show towards us. How is it that those
who hate condemn those who love?
I married because I am in love. Because I wanted
to have a judge pronounce us "spouses for life".
Because I want the same inheritance, health, and
tax benefits that heterosexuals have. Because I am
tired of being attacked and letting those who
attack me say I am evil and do not deserve better
than what they would choose to give me.
In a world full of hate and killing and poverty,
isn't there something better we could do with our
energy than worry about those who love?
I am happy that I got married and if they take
the piece of paper and the inherent rights that
come with being married away today, it will not
change my love or my desire to be free to love. A
love I cherish and will defend in the glare of the
dark hate-filled eyes of those boys who have grown
into men and have never grown up. The same men who
would rather war with each other than love each
This is political and this is personal and I
will not stop until I see that we receive the
"equal protection of the laws" that are promised us
in the U.S. Constitution. As my father said, "I am
a lover not a fighter". But at some point you have
to say enough. No more. Stop. And last Friday,
Stanley and I said, "Stop". And I urge you to join
us and the 4,540 other people who were married this
weekend to say no to the hatred and to the denial
of the freedom to love and be secure in our
society. It is our right.
Charles H. Trapolin
Related Topics: Marriage,
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