Becoming a Bachelor Parent
Thomas Hoerner


"Prior to gaining primary custody of my three sons in 1992, I led the single life of a divorced man and enjoyed a rewarding career. I traveled about 70% of the time, lived alone in a nice apartment, and accepted my role as a visiting parent. But when my ex-wife asked, "How would you feel about the boys coming to live with you?" I immediately said, "Yes!"

"The day I arrived home with my children was a Sunday, halfway through a two-week school break. My kids were out of school, and I had to work in less than 12 hours! What about my job? My career was in full bloom, and I was on my way up. What was I to do? I had a business trip starting in a week. Who was going to watch my children?"

The article goes on to tell the story and with it makes some suggestions like: "The first step to a positive outlook is cutting the strings from the ex-wife and accepting that the relationship is over. For many, letting go is difficult. Some men hold onto unrealistic expectations and at times act stupid. No doubt, breaking up is hard to do, but when ending a relationship is inevitable, make it as easy as possible for yourself." The author then goes on to give 30 suggested steps to accomplish this.

The author includes some statistics that most men in the men's movement know very well but don't seem to get much play in the press.

"The real winners in a father-child relationship are the children, for without a father, children face overwhelming odds against living a productive life. Imagine your child as part of these recent Census Bureau statistics of fatherless homes: They account for 63% of youth suicides, 90% of all homeless and runaway children, 85% of all children exhibit behavioral disorders, 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger, 71% of all high school dropouts, 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home, 70% of long term prison inmates, the majority of teen mothers."

Source: Divorce, Winter 01 from the author's book Bachelor Parents and Their Functional Families

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A fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them. - Bertran Russell

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