Cavemen in
the Kitchen

Things that go 'Moo' - Veal Piccata

The ultimate section; the meat, the beef, the prize! Once we learned to cook this, there was no going back. What the world needs now, is meat, sweet meat. It’s the only thing that there’s just, too little of. There is really nothing more to say about this topic, as meat is king. What helps the meat in many cases is being sure that it is cooked correctly. The chart of inside temperatures below is a life saver.

Rare 130º
Medium 145º
Well 160º
Freakin’ Cinder 170º


Now, this is one of those ‘Eye-tal-yun’ dishes. What makes it groovy is the subtlety of the flavors and subtle they have to be. Veal is the key. If you get meat from a cow that was over 5 months of age, well hell, you might as well get a steak and read the directions on how to cook that piece of meat. No, this is a dish whose value comes from how you can accent its flavor without overpowering it. For a meal, this should be the last thing that you prepare, so have your side of pasta done as well as whatever salad you are going to serve. If you can get the pronunciation of this dish down, you already have it made halfway to the bedroom, or the couch, or the counter, or the floor or the.... I have found that Italian accents work really well on all women except Italian ones.


1. ½ lb of veal that is about ¼” thick
2. ½ cup of Chardonnay
3. 3 Tbsp of butter or margarine
4. 2 Tbsp of capers
5. 1 ½ teaspoons of lemon juice
6. ½ cup of sliced mushroom buttons. Okay, just chill, these things come in a can that is labeled, ‘Sliced Mushroom Button Pieces.’


Get the saucepan out, drain the mushrooms and toss in everything but the veal. Turn the heat up to medium and keep an eye on it and stir it periodically. While the stuff is heating, cut the veal into pieces that are, oh heck, 4” by 4”. As soon as the butter is completely melted, stir the stuff around. Now here comes the tough part. Toss the veal in there and you really have to watch it. Give it about a minute and then turn it over. When you put the veal in, it is pink. Your goal is to get it cooked just beyond that pink color. The sooner you get the meat out of the pan after it loses that pink color, the bigger hero you are as the more tender the meat is. So, flip it a lot.


In serving, put two slices of the veal per person on the plate. Then, put a lot of the sauce on top. Be sure that you include a lot in the way of the mushrooms and capers there. Whip it on out to her and ‘Buono Appetito!’ I think this means, “You da man.”

©2009, by Ron DesMarais

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Ron DesMarais started life in Charlottesville, VA and has lived in several parts of the United States. When people hear the number of times he has moved, the question invariably arises as to whether or not he was an ‘Army Brat.’ There is only a half-truth there and that is found by dropping ‘Army’; unless, you consider ‘Army of Darkness.’ After moving with his parents for several years, Ron continued his nomadic ways, which were spurred by his mother’s finding out where he currently lived. In the process of changing dwellings and never getting rental deposits back (which he claims were never his fault), Ron’s financial status required that he start cooking for himself, as he could not afford eating out. This resulted in his quickly getting bored with Top Ramen and deciding to get creative in the kitchen. Soon, a list of recipes with a limited number of inexpensive ingredients started coming together. What really bolstered the creation of his book Cavemen in the Kitchen, and the writing of it as not just a cookbook but a ‘dating aid’ as well was when Ron ended up at a date’s house after a financially draining evening out. As both were hungry but Ron too broke and both too tired to go out somewhere, Ron dug through her cabinets, found some items to work with and based on a recipe he had created earlier, he created a meal for both. She loved it and the results of the meal were amazing in ways those under 18 should not hear about. From that point, dates for Ron consisted of cooking dinner, either at his house or the date’s house, and afterwards, either watching a video or doing something else. Click here to order a copy of the book (Contains adult content.)

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