Cavemen in
the Kitchen

Pretty Salad

This salad gets its name from being ‘Pretty’ easy to make. Also, it looks ‘Pretty’ and that is ‘Pretty’ cool. The toughest part about making this salad is going to the store and being able to pronounce and find the proscuitto: the name of the fancy ham you will use. It is pronounced ‘Pro-shoe-toe,’ not ‘Proskie-utt-o.’ Before you make this salad though, be sure your date is not a leather shoe-wearing vegan. If you find out only after she arrives and you have made the salad, hell, she eats the spinach and you get all the ham. Not too shabby!


1. A handful of spinach leaves. Get these from the salad bar in the store. Otherwise you have to buy an entire bunch and that costs too much. When you get the handful, don’t squeeze it tightly; otherwise, the leaves will get crushed and look old when you serve the salad. Instead, grip it lightly like you are about to throw a Nerf football.
2. ¼ lb of proscuitto or about 12 slices. This can be found either in a deli section or at a deli counter. Getting freshly sliced proscuitto at a deli counter is best. Too often the pre-packaged stuff is laced with too much fat. Trying to cut, chew, and swallow that stuff is not easy. You can be chewing one end of it while the other has been swallowed and is tickling the top of your small intestine. If you can get it sliced, ask that your proscuitto is sliced almost paper thin and the slices are about 3” x 8”
3. 1 Tbsp of olive oil.


This can be prepared within 4 minutes. Before you do it though, be sure the spinach leaves are cool by keeping them in the fridge before you use them. This keeps them crisp and not wilty. You want your tongue and teeth to be able to tell the difference between the proscuitto and the leaves.

Take a plate or tray that is about 14” in diameter and cover it evenly with the spinach leaves. Next, arrange the proscuitto on top of the spinach leaves so it looks like the spokes of a wagon wheel radiating out from the center. You have 12 pieces so space them out like the hours of a clock. Finally, drizzle the olive oil all over the top of the dish. Boom, you are done!


This is the hard part. Take the serving plate with the stuff on it and put it on the table with a couple of serving utensils. Whew! Now for the good part, grab a beer and have a nice day.

©2008 by Ron DesMarais

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Ron DesMarais started life in Charlottesville, VA and has lived in several parts of the United States. When people hear the number of times he has moved, the question invariably arises as to whether or not he was an ‘Army Brat.’ There is only a half-truth there and that is found by dropping ‘Army’; unless, you consider ‘Army of Darkness.’ After moving with his parents for several years, Ron continued his nomadic ways, which were spurred by his mother’s finding out where he currently lived. In the process of changing dwellings and never getting rental deposits back (which he claims were never his fault), Ron’s financial status required that he start cooking for himself, as he could not afford eating out. This resulted in his quickly getting bored with Top Ramen and deciding to get creative in the kitchen. Soon, a list of recipes with a limited number of inexpensive ingredients started coming together. What really bolstered the creation of his book Cavemen in the Kitchen, and the writing of it as not just a cookbook but a ‘dating aid’ as well was when Ron ended up at a date’s house after a financially draining evening out. As both were hungry but Ron too broke and both too tired to go out somewhere, Ron dug through her cabinets, found some items to work with and based on a recipe he had created earlier, he created a meal for both. She loved it and the results of the meal were amazing in ways those under 18 should not hear about. From that point, dates for Ron consisted of cooking dinner, either at his house or the date’s house, and afterwards, either watching a video or doing something else. Click here to order a copy of the book (Contains adult content.)

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