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Hard is Good and Not So Hard is Good Too:
Discovering the Wisdom of the Penis
When we talk about what mid-life men really want,
sex is certainly a topic we cannot ignore. Now I
know it’s politically correct these days to
acknowledge that men’s most important sex
organ is the brain, but I’d like to put in a
vote for the penis. I always thought the penis had
a lot to say if we ever took the time to listen
properly. But we’ve lately fallen into the
habit of denigrating the penis, something
we’ve also been doing to their owners. For
instance,
Let’s talk about this phrase
“premature ejaculation,” a terrible term
that we often inflict on young male penises. If we
listened to the wisdom of the penis, what might he
be trying to tell us? I think we’d hear
something like this: “I want to get this over
with as quickly as possible.” Now why would
Mr. P want to get it over with as quickly as
possible? Well, I can think of a few reasons.
“I’m scared. I’m anxious. I’m
over-stimulated. I’m embarrassed. I come from
a long line of successful men who ejaculated
quickly before a wild animal could catch him with
his pants down and end his reproductive life
forever.” Listen to the wisdom of the penis.
“Premature ejaculation” is a derogatory
label that tells us nothing useful. “I want to
get this over with as quickly as possible” is
a neutral description and tells us a good deal
about what Mr. P might be wanting us to
understand.
Here’s another word that I
hate–“Impotence.” Oh, wait.
Let’s be medically correct. The current term
is “erectile dysfunction,” or
“ED” for short. Of course now that we
have Mr. P’s communication labeled as a
medical problem, we can offer a medical solution.
Viagra to the rescue! And let’s face it, Mr. P
and a lot of his compatriots have accepted the
medical definition of his communication. Viagra
sales declined 2 percent to only $1.6 billion in
2005. Of course Viagra had some stiff (OK, pun
intended) competition from other ED drugs like
Cialis and Levitra.
But what might we discover if we listened more
closely to what Mr. P is saying. Is he really
saying, “I’ve got a medical problem and
need a drug to give me (as one ad on Google
proclaimed) hard erections, quick?” Or could
he be saying, “I don’t want to have
intercourse with you just now.” Now, why in
the world wouldn’t Mr. P want to have
intercourse with you just now? Isn’t Mr. P
always ready to rock and roll? Doesn’t he want
to have intercourse whenever he can? Well, no.
No? Hell, no. “Let me tell you why I might
not want to have intercourse with you,” I
heard Mr. P shout to anyone who would listen.
“I’m tired. I’ve had a bit to drink
and I’d just like to sleep. I know I’m
supposed to see your inner beauty and all that, and
I’m not supposed to be so shallow as to be
fixated on your physical appearance, but (and I
know you don’t want to hear this) I’m not
turned on to you since you’ve gotten fat. And
another thing, while we’re on the subject,
I’m sick and tired of being the one who is
always asking for sex and being turned down. It
would be nice, if you initiated sex once in a
while. And, one more thing…”
Damn, I can see why some of us don’t want
to listen to Mr. P. He’s pissed off and
he’s not going to take it anymore. But, then
maybe that’s the problem. When we refuse to
listen, the pressure builds up, and when he gets
the chance, he explodes. Perhaps if we listened
more closely, more honestly, with more compassion
and respect, Mr. P would talk to us in a more
gentle tone of voice.
Now, I know there are a few of you out there,
who have some familiarity with Mr. P. What do you
think he’s trying to say to you? What does Mr.
P really want?
©2010 Jed
Diamond
See Books,
Issues
+ Suicide
* * *
Wealth can't buy health, but health can buy
wealth. - Henry David Thoreau
Jed Diamond
is the internationally best-selling author of seven
books including Male
Menopause, now
translated into 17 foreign languages and his
latest book, The
Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing. The 4 Key Causes
of Depression and
Aggression. For over
38 years he has been a leader in the field of men's
health. He is a member of the International
Scientific Board of the World Congress on
Men’s Health and has been on the Board of
Advisors of the Men’s Health Network since its
founding in 1992. His work has been featured in
major newspapers throughout the United States
including the New York Times, Boston Globe, Wall
Street Journal, The Los Angeles Times, and USA
Today. He has been featured on more than 1,000
radio and T.V. programs including The View with
Barbara Walters, Good Morning America, Inside
Edition, CBS, NBC, and Fox News, To Tell the Truth,
Extra, Leeza, Geraldo, and Joan Rivers. He also did
a nationally televised special on Male Menopause
for PBS. He looks forward to your feedback.
E-Mail.
You can visit his website at www.menalive.com
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