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The Legacy of Depression: My Father’s
Story Part II
In the preface to his book, Depression Decade,
author Broadus Mitchell describes the historical
period this way. “The years of our national
economic life here described were crowded with
emotion and event. They registered the crash from
1929 super-confidence and the descent into the
depression—at first dismaying, then
disheartening, then desperate.” These last
words would be an accurate description of my
father’s slide into the deep depression. Kay
Redfield Jamison, an expert on mood disorders, uses
an analogy from the animal kingdom to describe the
difference ways men and women react to the stresses
of life that leads to the Irritable Male Syndrome
(IMS) and depression. "Young male elephants go out
and they are quite solitary," she observed. "The
only times males get together is during the
breeding period in an adversarial role. They're not
talking about anything, they're competing.
“Conversely, the female elephants are drawn
together and are constantly communicating with each
other. Female elephants have a system set up if one
is in distress," she continues, "and they are more
likely to be there to serve and help one another.
Like male elephants in an adversarial role, human
men have an ‘irritability’ that is
‘part and parcel’ of depression,”
she says. “It's one of the diagnostic criteria
for depression and mania, more common than not,"
she explained. "Emotions get so ratcheted up, it's
often we see men with short-tempered fuses. It
makes depression difficult for others to be
around."
Here is a note from my father’s first
journal, written when he was his old self, full of
confidence and joy for life:
“A traveling troupe is putting on a show
not far from us. I know them from earlier times
when I first came to New York. They are gay and
exciting and have an enchanting flavor of holiday.
I look at Kath and marvel at her sweetness and
beauty. You often forget how lovely feminine youth
is. The cream-like texture of skin, a verve and a
buoyancy. Henry is a perfect type of company
manager. He has great big floppy ears, that
inevitable cigar, and a certain softness. Charm is
not the exclusive province of youth. Henry has it
as well as Kath.
“Kath has that wonderful spirit of newness
about her, that same wide-eyed wonder that a child
has when he is seeing the circus for the first
time. She sits at the feet of the elders who have
been around the block and have makeup rubbed into
their soles. She reminds me of my little boy [I
was five at the time]. He has a wonderful
impishness, a beautiful delightful growth about
him. He has a suppleness of mind and body, a rapt
attention as he looks for animals and calls to
them.
“I feel full of confidence in my writing
ability. I know for certain that someone will buy
one of my radio shows. I know for certain that I
will get a good part in a play. Last night I dreamt
about candy. There was more candy than I could eat.
Does it mean I’ll be rewarded for all my
efforts? Has it anything to do with sex?”
Journal number ten was written three years
later. The economic depression of the time and the
depression going on within his mind had come
together. His entries are more terse, staccato, and
disheartening. I still get tears when I feel how
much was lost in such a short time.
“June 4th:
Your flesh crawls, your scalp wrinkles when you
look around and see good writers, established
writers, writers with credits a block long, unable
to sell, unable to find work, Yes, it's enough to
make anyone, blanch, turn pale and sicken.
August 15th:
Faster, faster, faster, I walk. I plug away
looking for work, anything to support my family. I
try, try, try, try, try. I always try and never
stop.
November 8th:
A hundred failures, an endless number of
failures, until now, my confidence, my hope, my
belief in myself, has run completely out. Middle
aged, I stand and gaze ahead, numb, confused, and
desperately worried. All around me I see the young
in spirit, the young in heart, with ten times my
confidence, twice my youth, ten times my fervor,
twice my education.
I see them all, a whole army of them, battering
at the same doors I'm battering, trying in the same
field I'm trying. Yes, on a Sunday morning in early
November, my hope and my life stream are both
running desperately low, so low, so stagnant, that
I hold my breath in fear, believing that the dark,
blank curtain is about to descend.
Six days after his November 8th entry, my father
tried to kill himself. Though he survived
physically, emotionally he was never again the
same. For nearly 40 years I've treated more and
more men who are facing similar stresses to those
my father experienced. The economic conditions and
social dislocations that contributed to his
feelings of shame and hopelessness continue to
weigh heavily on men today.
©2010 Jed
Diamond
See Books,
Issues
+ Suicide
* * *
Wealth can't buy health, but health can buy
wealth. - Henry David Thoreau
Jed Diamond
is the internationally best-selling author of seven
books including Male
Menopause, now
translated into 17 foreign languages and his
latest book, The
Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing. The 4 Key Causes
of Depression and
Aggression. For over
38 years he has been a leader in the field of men's
health. He is a member of the International
Scientific Board of the World Congress on
Men’s Health and has been on the Board of
Advisors of the Men’s Health Network since its
founding in 1992. His work has been featured in
major newspapers throughout the United States
including the New York Times, Boston Globe, Wall
Street Journal, The Los Angeles Times, and USA
Today. He has been featured on more than 1,000
radio and T.V. programs including The View with
Barbara Walters, Good Morning America, Inside
Edition, CBS, NBC, and Fox News, To Tell the Truth,
Extra, Leeza, Geraldo, and Joan Rivers. He also did
a nationally televised special on Male Menopause
for PBS. He looks forward to your feedback.
E-Mail.
You can visit his website at www.menalive.com
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