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April
What is your relationship with YOU?
Do you like yourself? This is the very heart of
your ability to have a relationship with other
human beings. When you really look at it, why would
anyone want to be with you if you don’t even
like yourself? And then: Why should you like
you?
Liking yourself isn’t quite what you might
expect it to be. Perhaps you think that it is
possible to just decide to like yourself and it
will happen. But the decision to like yourself is
just part of it. Think of it this way. Why do you
like someone else? Usually, you like another person
for many reasons, but you don’t normally just
decide to like them for no reason.
You might like them because they make you laugh.
Maybe they have an attractive smile. Perhaps they
like to do things for you like take you to
interesting places or invite you over for a meal.
They may notice everything that you do and
compliment you often, making you feel important.
When you talk, they may be excellent listeners.
They may do interesting things that they like to
share with you when you meet. You may have similar
interests and passions.
This list could be endless. I went through a
time once when I was feeling depressed and
didn’t like myself very much. Life just
wasn’t very much fun. Eventually, I noticed
that my work vehicle was in disarray. I realized
that I had a hole in my shoe. I hadn’t
indulged myself in my favorite pastime, dancing,
for a long time. It struck me that I might be able
to help myself pull out of my depression by being
good to – me!
So I organized my vehicle and got it washed. I
had my shoes repaired. And then I went dancing and
had a great time. In no time I was myself again.
The message was clear: If you want to feel good
about yourself, you need to be good to yourself. If
you want someone to love you, love yourself
first.
Start with your health. Just giving your body
the right kinds of foods: whole grains, fruits,
vegetables, will be a mood elevator. Going to the
gym or riding a bike or walking is another great
way to be good to yourself and a great way to meet
people. And you you’ll look better too:
younger and healthier and more attractive to
everybody.
When was the last time you played with your
hobby and honored the little boy inside? When was
the last time you just went out and had fun,
without any agenda? One of the most important
things you can do for yourself is to bring men into
your life. Reconnect with your boyhood friends if
that’s possible. This will satisfy that little
boy better than almost anything else you can
do.
And here’s a little secret. Go do guy
things with other guys – force yourself if you
have to. There is nothing more attractive to women
than men having a good time with each other and not
needing them. There is something mysterious and
exhilarating for them there. And they just like to
be around a man that knows how to have fun.
Learn to set boundaries for your life.
Don’t try to be all things to everybody.
Don’t take on everything that people ask you
to do. Ask the hard questions before undertaking
any task: How much of my time will this take? What,
exactly, does it entail? Then let them know what
you are willing and not willing to do: which days
you can work and when you need time off for
personal things. Everybody is attracted to a man
who knows what he wants and what he doesn’t
want. Most of all, you will be giving yourself what
you need, and you loving yourself is the most
attractive thing of all.
©2009, Irv Engel
* * *
One's life has value so long as one attributes
values to the life of others, by means of love,
friendship, indignation and compassion., - Simone
de Beauvoir
Irv Engel is a
successful salesman, builder, husband, father,
grandfather and friend. He loves to sing, dance and
is currently taking an art class to learn water
color painting. He is the creator and coordinator
of the Relationship Training Course for Men. This
book, The
Real Deal: A Guide to Achieving Successful and Real
Relationships,
is the result of hundreds of hours spent writing
down the lessons learned in a lifetime of marriage,
divorce, re-marriage and raising four kids. He
hosts free telephone conference coaching sessions
in the evening or on weekends.The conference is a
good way to find out about relationship coaching
and to ask any personal questions around your own
relationships without risk to your money or your
privacy. E-mail
him for phone number, access
code and schedule. Irv and Monica live in Lake
Forest, Calif. They have eleven grandchildren. They
have celebrated their thirty-fifth wedding
anniversary. www.committedrelationships.com
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