Technique #9: Care
We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better.
Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have
asked the same question: How can I get women
to love me?
Last month, we explored Technique #8: Love
Women. Here is Technique #9: Care.
Caring is concern for another. Men are built for
caring about things, actions, and accomplishments.
Women are built for caring for people, babies, and
places. A womans entire psyche is programmed
for caring. While they care for others, they are
hungry to be cared for in return.
The best place for a woman to get this kind of
care-juice is from other women, but women expect
and want men to care for them in the same way. The
truth is: we can't. We're not women, and were
not built for it. Its like asking a
Volkswagen to pull an 18-wheel trailer. You will
strain the engine, get too much momentum going
downhill, and be out of control in no time.
Our attention as men is easily focused on
getting things accomplished. Here's a trick that
works: Create the goal of making your woman feel
cared for. If you accomplish that, you'll feel good
about your own accomplishment, and she will feel
filled up with your care for her. Then her love
will overflow like a fountain and you'll be
the lucky recipient.
Caring for your woman means putting your
attention on her and being really interested in
whats going on with her (not just pretending
to be interested). Here are the simple
instructions: Notice that she changes every moment,
just like the ocean and the weather. Become very
interested in who she is in this moment. Whenever
you are with her, be very curious about what she's
been doing, how she's been feeling, and how she's
changed since you last saw her. Ask her. Be
interested in what she needs and wants in this
moment (yes, it's different than the last moment).
Watch her change as you do this.
And keep doing it.
Most women are starving for this kind of
attention. It doesnt require a lot of your
time or energy to give it to her. She gets filled
up quite quickly by this attention when you
genuinely care about her. When she feels filled up,
she can then go off happily and leave you alone to
do whatever you were doing before she showed
Heres what usually happens (Thanks to
David Deida for this accurate description. See
www.deida.com.) Youre watching a football
game on TV, and its one of those moments when
all of your attention is fixed, waiting to see
whether or not theyll get a first down. You
are in bliss. Your woman walks into the room. Your
first response to her presence is, Oh shit.
There goes my bliss right down the
tubes. She says to you, Honey, where do
you want to go to dinner tonight?
You want to return to your blissful state, so
your goal is to solve the problem (her) as quickly
and efficiently as you can. You respond:
Anywhere you want to go is fine. You
then return your attention to the game, hoping that
the problem is fixed.
Of course, it isnt. She didnt come
in to check on dinner. She came in to get
attention, to be in relationship, and to see if you
care. You just told her I dont
care, so she has to re-engage in order to see
if you care. She says, Well how about that
new place on Broadway? I heard the food is really
good. You, grumbling to yourself, just want
her to go away. So you say Thats
fine. And you return your attention to the
What she hears and feels is, I dont
care about where we go to dinner, and I dont
care about you. This interaction will
continue until you get angry and snap at her or she
gets bitchy and yells at you. There goes your
bliss, a nice dinner, and the sex you were hoping
to get afterwards.
Here is the alternative scenario when you
express your care: She walks in and asks about
dinner plans. You recognize that what she is really
saying (regardless of what words come out of her
mouth) is: Do you care about me? Do you love
me? Now that you are an enlightened male, you
take a breath, stand up (knowing that youll
get back to the game and your bliss momentarily),
walk up to her, grab her, kiss her passionately,
and say, Lover, as soon as this game is over,
Im going to grab your ass, throw you down on
the bed, and make love to you for an hour. After
that, Ill be ravenous, so go make some
reservations and then take a nice, long bath and
get all clean and sweet for me, because tonight
dessert comes first.
You know what happens next. She is dazed by your
care and your strong masculine presence. She floats
out of the room in ecstasy and leaves you alone
with your football bliss for the rest of the hour.
You now get to enjoy the game, have passionate sex,
and you didnt have to decide where to have
dinner. Thats what caring gets you.
When you implement these 15 techniques into your
life, you will be transformed into the kind of man
that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of
internal work, for example changing some of your
old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a
different point of view. Let me know of your
successes and your struggles, your thoughts,
suggestions and additions. I welcome your
Next Month: Please Her
* * *
is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps
individuals create extraordinary success, happiness
and results in their lives. He is a
widely-published author, workshop leader, public
speaker, and a successful businessman. He has
studied and explored the realms of psychology,
spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35
years. He brings these decades of learning and
growth to others through his workshop,
Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for
Waking Up Into Joy. He is also a co-founder
of The Mens Tribe in Northern California
which offers men an initiation into principle-based
living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area
with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea
Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from
his e-book, How To Get Women To Love
You, which is available on his website:
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
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