How to get Women
to Love You

Technique #9: Care

We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better. Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have asked the same question: “How can I get women to love me?”

Last month, we explored Technique #8: Love Women. Here is Technique #9: Care.

Caring is concern for another. Men are built for caring about things, actions, and accomplishments. Women are built for caring for people, babies, and places. A woman’s entire psyche is programmed for caring. While they care for others, they are hungry to be cared for in return.

The best place for a woman to get this kind of care-juice is from other women, but women expect and want men to care for them in the same way. The truth is: we can't. We're not women, and we’re not built for it. It’s like asking a Volkswagen to pull an 18-wheel trailer. You will strain the engine, get too much momentum going downhill, and be out of control in no time.

Our attention as men is easily focused on getting things accomplished. Here's a trick that works: Create the goal of making your woman feel cared for. If you accomplish that, you'll feel good about your own accomplishment, and she will feel filled up with your care for her. Then her love will overflow like a fountain – and you'll be the lucky recipient.

Caring for your woman means putting your attention on her and being really interested in what’s going on with her (not just pretending to be interested). Here are the simple instructions: Notice that she changes every moment, just like the ocean and the weather. Become very interested in who she is in this moment. Whenever you are with her, be very curious about what she's been doing, how she's been feeling, and how she's changed since you last saw her. Ask her. Be interested in what she needs and wants in this moment (yes, it's different than the last moment). Watch her change as you do this.

And keep doing it.

Most women are starving for this kind of attention. It doesn’t require a lot of your time or energy to give it to her. She gets filled up quite quickly by this attention when you genuinely care about her. When she feels filled up, she can then go off happily and leave you alone to do whatever you were doing before she showed up.

Here’s what usually happens (Thanks to David Deida for this accurate description. See You’re watching a football game on TV, and it’s one of those moments when all of your attention is fixed, waiting to see whether or not they’ll get a first down. You are in bliss. Your woman walks into the room. Your first response to her presence is, “Oh shit. There goes my bliss – right down the tubes.” She says to you, “Honey, where do you want to go to dinner tonight?”

You want to return to your blissful state, so your goal is to solve the problem (her) as quickly and efficiently as you can. You respond: “Anywhere you want to go is fine.” You then return your attention to the game, hoping that the problem is fixed.

Of course, it isn’t. She didn’t come in to check on dinner. She came in to get attention, to be in relationship, and to see if you care. You just told her “I don’t care,” so she has to re-engage in order to see if you care. She says, “Well how about that new place on Broadway? I heard the food is really good.” You, grumbling to yourself, just want her to go away. So you say “That’s fine.” And you return your attention to the TV.

What she hears and feels is, “I don’t care about where we go to dinner, and I don’t care about you.” This interaction will continue until you get angry and snap at her or she gets bitchy and yells at you. There goes your bliss, a nice dinner, and the sex you were hoping to get afterwards.

Here is the alternative scenario when you express your care: She walks in and asks about dinner plans. You recognize that what she is really saying (regardless of what words come out of her mouth) is: “Do you care about me? Do you love me?” Now that you are an enlightened male, you take a breath, stand up (knowing that you’ll get back to the game and your bliss momentarily), walk up to her, grab her, kiss her passionately, and say, “Lover, as soon as this game is over, I’m going to grab your ass, throw you down on the bed, and make love to you for an hour. After that, I’ll be ravenous, so go make some reservations and then take a nice, long bath and get all clean and sweet for me, because tonight dessert comes first.”

You know what happens next. She is dazed by your care and your strong masculine presence. She floats out of the room in ecstasy and leaves you alone with your football bliss for the rest of the hour. You now get to enjoy the game, have passionate sex, and you didn’t have to decide where to have dinner. That’s what caring gets you.

When you implement these 15 techniques into your life, you will be transformed into the kind of man that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of internal work, for example changing some of your old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a different point of view. Let me know of your successes and your struggles, your thoughts, suggestions and additions. I welcome your emails.

Next Month: Please Her

©2010 Lion Goodman

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Lion Goodman is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps individuals create extraordinary success, happiness and results in their lives. He is a widely-published author, workshop leader, public speaker, and a successful businessman. He has studied and explored the realms of psychology, spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35 years. He brings these decades of learning and growth to others through his workshop, “Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California which offers men an initiation into principle-based living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love You,” which is available on his website: or

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