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August
Technique #15: Keep Beginning Forever
We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better.
Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have
asked the same question: “How can I get women
to love me?”
Last month, we explored Technique #14: End
Cleanly. Here is Technique #15:
Keep Beginning Forever
What does it mean to “Keep beginning
forever?” My friend Saniel Bonder, a spiritual
teacher and author of “Waking Down” and
“Healing the Spirit/Matter Split,” points
out that there is a mysterious newness that
underlies all relationships, all the time, whether
they are just starting or are decades old.
Relationships are a reflection of the Great
Mystery, which at one time was One Being, One
Totality, without beginning or end. This One
decided one fateful day that It was bored (of
course, since It was Everything it had no one to
play with). Since It was already All, there was
only one thing It could do to make Being more
interesting: to split into Two – the original
division into Yin and Yang, Masculine and Feminine,
Positive and Negative. The symbol of the Tao, the
Yin/Yang, reflects this Two-ness that is One-ness.
It continued to split and divide and differentiate
until there was All That Is, an infinitude of parts
and wholes and selves and others. So now we
can’t ever get bored (although we can become
boring!). We’re a part of that infinitely
divided One, so every relationship between two
entities is endlessly interesting, and always
changing.
What we call masculine and feminine is a minor
reflection of these universal opposites, about
which the French say it best: Vive la
différence! When we choose a path of
self-growth, every day presents a new challenge of
discovery. When there are two people committed to
their own exploration of “Know Thyself”
both on their own and together, this is an
unbeatable combination. Relationships present us
with challenge after challenge, testing us in every
way possible, stretching our limits and
strengthening our character. We are honed on the
anvil of our experiences. We grow if this honing is
done with self-awareness. We get sharper every day,
more polished and smooth, more effective for the
job we’re here to do.
In your relationship, your partner is guaranteed
to push your buttons and piss you off sooner or
later, or most likely both sooner and later. This
is not in question. The only thing that is in
question is “How will you respond?” This
is our growth edge, our learning edge. Every day is
a new beginning and a chance to respond
differently. Every moment is an opportunity to
awaken even more.
You have learned through these 15 Techniques
that getting women to love you is not a goal, but
is actually the result of developing your best
self. The path of “Know Thyself,” the
path of self development, self-growth, and
self-discovery, is an endless and endlessly
interesting road when traveled consciously. The
people we love, and those we’re in
relationship with, are our greatest teachers on
this road. Once you start down this path, your life
will never be the same. It will keep beginning
forever.
When you find a woman with whom you can share
this exploration, a woman who will walk by your
side and love you while you move along this road of
growth, grab her and marry her. Dive deeply into
the most exciting adventure of a lifetime. Your
relationship will really begin, and keep beginning,
forever. Women look for men who are willing to make
a commitment. Many men are commitment-phobes,
afraid of making any kind of commitment or getting
caught in a trap. Some men consider commitment a
death knell, and run from it – fast – as
soon as it’s mentioned. In the past, I, too,
feared commitments. I learned, however, that
commitment doesn’t have to be to
“Forever.” It is perfectly reasonable to
make a commitment to a specific, reasonable period
of time as a test. When you take the initiative to
discuss commitment, it can be on your terms, rather
than hers. Here’s an example:
“Well, we’ve been seeing each other
for three months, and it feels great, and neither
of us are dating other people at the moment. I
think it’s time we had the “commitment
discussion.” Since I’m not ready to make
a big, long-term commitment, I’d like to
experiment with a short-term commitment. I’d
like us to commit to an exclusive relationship,
where neither of us are hunting or dating other
people, for three months. Then we can re-evaluate
and re-commit at that time. How does that
sound?”
This will sound like sweet music to her, and it
will protect you from the feeling that you’re
about to be chained at the neck and ankles.
Commitment allows you to turn off the hunting
instinct. When you do this, you allow yourself to
enter into a different quality of relationship
that’s impossible to achieve when you’ve
always got one eye out for Ms. Perfect.
Since everyone – and I mean everyone –
has flaws, your job is to find out whether her
flaws are ones you can live with, or not. And since
every two people have some incompatibilities, your
job is to determine whether the incompatibilities
you have with her are manageable (through
compromise, acceptance, or changing yourself) or
not.
If the trial commitment works well, re-up for a
longer one – six months or a year. If the
relationship works for a year, and you are both
continuing to grow and stay interested in each
other, the relationship has a good chance of
becoming a long-term committed relationship instead
of just another short-term play relationship.
Once you make the long-term commitment, whether
it’s “Until death do us part,” or
“Until we feel like there’s nothing more
to learn,” or “Until we just can’t
stand each other any more,” you deepen your
possibilities for growth and development even
further. There are places you grow in long-term
relationships that you just can’t touch in
short-term ones.
And when you do turn your girlfriend into a
life-mate and partner (yes, it’s something you
do, not something that happens to you), you will
discover the spontaneous unstoppable gratitude that
springs up when you wake up in the morning and find
her beside you. A fountain of joy awaits you. All
it takes is for you to do what is necessary to get
women to love you. Become the kind of man that
women love. Make the world a better place to
live.
When you implement these 15 techniques into your
life, you will be transformed into the kind of man
that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of
internal work, for example changing some of your
old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a
different point of view. Let me know of your
successes and your struggles, your thoughts,
suggestions and additions. I welcome your
emails.
You have my best wishes and my full support on
your path.
In Strength,
Lion Goodman
©2010 Lion
Goodman
* * *
Lion Goodman
is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps
individuals create extraordinary success, happiness
and results in their lives. He is a
widely-published author, workshop leader, public
speaker, and a successful businessman. He has
studied and explored the realms of psychology,
spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35
years. He brings these decades of learning and
growth to others through his workshop,
“Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for
Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder
of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California
which offers men an initiation into principle-based
living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area
with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea
Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from
his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love
You,” which is available on his website:
www.everydayawakening.com
or lion@everydayawakening.com
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