How to get Women
to Love You

Technique #4:
Integrity Rules

We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better. Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have asked the same question: “How can I get women to love me?”

Last month, we explored Technique #3: Be Mysterious. Here is Technique #4:

Integrity Rules

Integrity is defined as “Soundness of and adherence to moral principle and character; uprightness; honesty; the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished; an unimpaired condition.” For men, integrity means that all of your parts are aligned and integrated. It means speaking your truth and standing up for what is right and true. It includes honesty with yourself about yourself, honesty in your communication with others, and living your life based on principles that you’ve thought about and committed to.

Women open themselves to men they can trust. If a man is not trustworthy (and women know when this is true, regardless of what we say to them), she cannot open fully. When a woman opens fully, it is a sight to behold: beautiful, sexy, wild, and fully feminine. If your woman is not opening fully, if she is holding back her open, voluptuous, juicy self, it usually means that there is something going on with you that she can’t trust.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to look at yourself deeply, find out where you’ve been out of integrity. Then get it cleaned up. In the 12-step programs, this is called doing the “Ruthless Moral Inventory.” It means looking at every place in your life where you’ve been out of integrity, waking up to it, facing up to it, and cleaning it up. This doesn’t mean going into blame or shame, but taking responsibility for where you’ve been out of alignment with your own highest values, and doing what’s necessary. If you’ve committed a crime, or broken a promise, or withheld something you know is important to say or admit, buck up and be a man. Go back and admit that you made a mistake. Apologize for screwing up (or around). Make a new commitment to not do it again. Make amends wherever necessary. Then clean up your act going forward. If you make a promise, keep it. Be good for your word. Speak your truth about what you want and need, what is acceptable and isn’t acceptable. Live according to your highest principles, and your highest intuition about what’s right.

This is a lifetime practice, and it gets easier the more you practice it. Begin a list of “incomplete cycles,” – the promises you made but didn’t keep, the things you meant to say but never did, the projects you began but never finished, the agreements you broke, and the people you hurt that you never apologized to. Start with one each day and get it cleaned up. Take a gradient approach – start with the small ones where the stakes aren’t very high. Exercise this cleaning muscle, and build yourself up to handling bigger and bigger messes from the past. I guarantee that if you do this, by the end of one year you will have a new life, and you will be a man of integrity that women can trust and open to. In addition, you will be the kind of man that other men trust. You will be a man of integrity.

When you implement these 14 techniques into your life, you will be transformed into the kind of man that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of internal work, for example changing some of your old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a different point of view. Let me know of your successes and your struggles, your thoughts, suggestions and additions. I welcome your emails.

Next month: Speak Truth.

©2010 Lion Goodman

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Lion Goodman is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps individuals create extraordinary success, happiness and results in their lives. He is a widely-published author, workshop leader, public speaker, and a successful businessman. He has studied and explored the realms of psychology, spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35 years. He brings these decades of learning and growth to others through his workshop, “Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California which offers men an initiation into principle-based living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love You,” which is available on his website: or

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