How to get Women
to Love You

End Cleanly

We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better. Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have asked the same question: “How can I get women to love me?”

Last month, we explored Technique #13: Then What? Here is Technique #14:

End Cleanly

It is as important to show up at the end of a relationship as it was at the beginning. In the realm of love and relationships, we need to tell the truth when the relationship isn’t going well, or when it has gone as far as it can go.

Unfortunately, most men just disappear at the end of a romance. I’ve done it myself. It’s easier to not call her than to tell her it’s over. “She’ll figure it out,” we think. “She’ll get it.”

The fact is: we are cowards. We don’t want to see her break down and cry. We don’t want to have to deal with a mass of messy emotions and tears, answering the “Why?” question, or feeling bad or guilty. We’d rather just move on and let her deal with it.

Don’t be a coward. Whether you really loved this woman or only had sex with her, she deserves to be honored for the time she spent with you. I once had a boss who couldn’t tell me that I was doing a lousy job. He couldn’t even tell me that he was firing me. He informed me one day, “There’s someone moving into your office, so can you move your personal things out of there?” I had to ask: “Are you firing me?” He sheepishly admitted it: “Yeah, I guess I am.” Do NOT be this kind of man, especially to a woman.

If something isn’t working for you in the relationship, discuss it truthfully. She might be willing to make an adjustment, if it’s an issue she can do something about. It’s also possible that it’s your issue, not hers, and has little to do with her. (If this issue keeps coming up with many different women, you can count on the fact that it’s your issue.) If it is, perhaps you might be willing to do something about it. Get into therapy. Read a self-help book. Go into couples counseling with her, with the goal of finding out whether its repairable or not.

If it is over, there are many ways of telling her that it’s over without being a jerk:

  • “I think you're a great woman, but I'm not feeling the chemistry I'm looking for, so I won't be calling you again.”
  • “I really like your sense of humor and how much you care about your dog, but I'm not feeling that spark I want to feel in a relationship. I wish you well in your search for the right guy.”
  • “I started dating another woman, and there is something there that I want to check out, so I won't be dating you again. I’ve had a great time getting to know you, though.”
  • Or the most truthful truth: “I’m just not that into you. But I do wish you well.”

Don't just go away and leave her hanging, or waiting for your call. Be a real man. Own your feelings, and tell the truth. You have a right to do so. Complete the relationship and move on. Your women will not like it at the moment she hears it, but if it’s your real truth, she will respect you for telling the truth and not stringing her along.

One of the worst things men do is stay in relationships to get sex while they’re looking for a relationship with another woman that is more satisfying. This is the “don’t give up one until you have another” strategy. This is disrespectful to the woman you’re with. Women take us into their bodies as well as their hearts, so it takes them more time to clear us out of their system. For a man, it usually takes as long as it takes to have sex with another woman. For women, it usually takes one month or more for every year she has been in relationship.

End one relationship before you get into a new one. It is so much cleaner. Don’t be afraid of being alone. If there’s another woman waiting in the wings, make her wait awhile while you clear your energy field. If you take time to be alone and single before you dive into another relationship (or start hunting for one), you will feel much more solid in yourself, and you will be more attractive to other women.

If you’re dating more than one woman, be honest about it. It is true that some women won’t be able to handle it, but your own integrity is more important than her feelings. You don’t have to go into detail, but you can say “I’m dating multiple people right now while I’m looking for the right relationship.” She will appreciate your honesty, and will hope that she becomes “Ms. Right.” And while it may be true that she is just “Ms. Right Now,” at least you won’t be pretending she’s the only one.

End your relationships cleanly, with honesty and integrity. Women talk to each other about men all the time, and you will be talked about – either as a jerk, or as an unusual man of integrity. You will either be known as “one to watch out for,” or “one to look for.”

When you implement these 15 techniques into your life, you will be transformed into the kind of man that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of internal work, for example changing some of your old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a different point of view. Let me know of your successes and your struggles, your thoughts, suggestions and additions. I welcome your emails.

Next month: Keep Beginning Forever

©2010 Lion Goodman

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Lion Goodman is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps individuals create extraordinary success, happiness and results in their lives. He is a widely-published author, workshop leader, public speaker, and a successful businessman. He has studied and explored the realms of psychology, spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35 years. He brings these decades of learning and growth to others through his workshop, “Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California which offers men an initiation into principle-based living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love You,” which is available on his website: or

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