How to get Women
to Love You

Technique #11: Enjoy Her

We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better. Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have asked the same question: “How can I get women to love me?”

Last month, we explored Technique #10: Please Her. Here is Technique #11:

Enjoy Her.

What is it about her that you really like? Is it the same as when you were first attracted to her? What is it that attracts you now? What pleases you about her? What is it about her that gets you excited? Make a list, and write it down.

You get to decide where to focus your attention. If you focus your attention on what you enjoy about her, she will feel your enjoyment. She will feel beautiful. She will feel filled up, and she will love you more. If you focus your attention on what doesn't please you, or what bugs you, she will feel demeaned, diminished, unfulfilled and bad about herself. Love will stop flowing, and the relationship juice will dry up. Ugh.

Men hate it when women complain. This is usually because complaining reminds us of our mother. A woman complains when she doesn’t feel filled up with the love she needs, with the love she feels she deserves. If you show her that you enjoy who she is, you will fill your woman up with attention and love, and she will bring that juicy energy to you.

Put your attention on exactly what you enjoy about her, and let her know.

• “I just can't stop looking at your breasts. I think they are the most perfect shape I've ever seen.”
• “When you smile like that, I get a warm feeling inside my heart.”
• “I really like how excited you get when you talk about that. It makes you look very attractive.”
• “The light on your face makes you look beautiful, like you’re glowing from within.”

We have been taught that women like compliments, so we tend to throw them out mechanically: “You look great.” These automatic compliments sound empty because they are empty. Women know when you are using a line. They may appreciate the effort, but it won’t touch them where they want to be touched.

Women appreciate congruence in men. This is when your words are in alignment with your feelings and your body language. Saying “That dress looks great on you,” while you’re reading a magazine won’t do it for her. Instead, look her up and down slowly. Feel what attracts you. Then tell her.

Here’s an example: “Wow. I love how that dress emphasizes your waist. It makes me want to just grab you and ravish you!” That will fill her up for the whole day.

Men and women enjoy different kinds of things. If your woman enjoys watching sports with you, you’re a lucky man. If you want to please her, do something with her that she enjoys doing and just decide to enjoy it (not put up with it while pretending to like it but really feeling resentful and waiting for it to be over).

Here is a great suggestion: Learn to enjoy shopping with her, especially shopping for clothes. When I was married, I hated shopping with my wife because she did it as a task to get done, rather than enjoying it as a process. Things changed when my post-divorce girlfriend took me shopping. It was a revelation! She invited me to go into the changing room with her while she was trying on lingerie! She liked showing off for me, and I got very turned on. From that moment on, I became a “dream date” for women. I love shopping. I hunt for clothes that I think will look sexy on her, and I tell her my honest opinion about each outfit she tried on.

Women actually prefer to hear the truth (“That dress doesn’t look as good on you as the green one, which made me want to pull you down onto the floor and make love to you in front of all these other customers.”). Women like men who have and express an opinion. Stock compliments don’t work. (“That looks fine.”). If you don’t have an opinion, CREATE one. Enjoy the joy that this creates inside of her.

Focus on YOUR enjoyment of her, and let her know what pleases you. Do it often. Your reward will be a flow of love and support - the kind you've always wanted from a woman.

When you implement these 15 techniques into your life, you will be transformed into the kind of man that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of internal work, for example changing some of your old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a different point of view. Let me know of your successes and your struggles, your thoughts, suggestions and additions. I welcome your emails.

Next Month: Show Up.

©2010, Lion Goodman

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Lion Goodman is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps individuals create extraordinary success, happiness and results in their lives. He is a widely-published author, workshop leader, public speaker, and a successful businessman. He has studied and explored the realms of psychology, spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35 years. He brings these decades of learning and growth to others through his workshop, “Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California which offers men an initiation into principle-based living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love You,” which is available on his website: or

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