How to get Women
to Love You

Technique #13: Then What?

We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better. Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have asked the same question: “How can I get women to love me?”

Last month, we explored Technique #12: Show Up. Here is Technique #13:

Then What?

On a recent date with a woman I was interested in, I said, “Someday I would like to make love to you.” She smiled, obviously enjoying the comment and my penetrating gaze. She looked at me, and asked seriously, “Then what?”

I was stumped for a moment – stopped cold. I didn't understand the question.

I thought to myself “What do you mean, ‘Then what?’” In the next moment, an amazing revelation flashed through my brain. I said to her, “That's the difference between men and women! Men are accomplishment oriented. Making love to you was the endpoint of my plans – it was as far as my thoughts had taken me! You, as a woman, are relationship oriented. So you immediately wonder what will happen AFTER we make love!” It was a clear and true example of our vast differences as a man and a woman, and we laughed heartily.

Women want to know what will happen next. They love looking forward to events in the future. They spend huge amounts of time thinking about the future and getting ready for it. They will talk to their girlfriends about what might happen, and imagine what they will wear when something does happen, and how they’re going to feel when what might happen happens. They can’t help it. Imagining the future is one of the things they do. It is an expression of the beauty that women bring into the world, and one of the reasons that men love to make things happen.

If you want a woman to love you, give her a lot to look forward to. Plan a vacation or a trip or an overnight stay at a bed & breakfast inn in the next town. Don't tell her everything. Keep her in suspense. Women love to wonder, and love to be delighted by pleasant surprises. Tell her, “I'm taking you somewhere next Friday night. Pack two kinds of clothes – casual and fancy, and make sure you have your hiking shoes and a bathing suit. We're leaving at 4:00 pm sharp.” When she begs to know more, don't tell her. You don't need to plan everything in detail - just figure out your options, and decide when you get there. Pretend that you planned it all out from the beginning. She’ll be in so much bliss that she won’t notice.

Women feel secure when they can see a future with a man, and they feel insecure when they can't. Women leave men who won’t make a commitment to the future. For that reason, talk to your woman about future events. This can include anything – from where you are going to take her out to dinner (if it’s not a surprise, find out what would please her) to what movies she would like to be taken to see (not the ones you’d like to see and drag her along). Ask her what foreign countries she would like to visit, and what she would do there. Talk to her about her desires for her life, her work, her family, her health, and her future.

Don't be dishonest about this, and don’t make promises you won't keep. Be curious. Think and plan as far forward as you can, and talk to her about it - even if it's only to your next date. When she knows that you’re thinking about a future with her, she will feel more secure. When she can trust you more she can open up more. When she opens, her femininity blossoms, her beauty flows, and you will receive the gift of her love.

Women get turned on at a speed about one-tenth as fast as men. In other words, if it takes you five minutes to feel hot and ready for sex, it takes her almost an hour. Here’s how you can use this to your advantage: Begin to talk to her about what you want to do in bed with her at least one hour, and preferably many hours before you make love to her. Drop little hints at first, and gradually get more graphic. “I don’t know if I can wait until tonight, because I keep thinking about how your breasts feel in my hands.” “I remember how you screamed the last time we made love. I want you to really let it out tonight.” “I’m going to suck on your toes tonight, and if you’re good, I’ll work my way all the way up your body.”

By the time you get to bed, your woman will be juicy and turned on, hardly able to wait until your clothes are off. Great lovers practice this technique, raising her temperature as slowly as possible until she nearly explodes when she’s touched. To see this technique in action, rent the movie “Don Juan de Marco” starring Johnny Depp. Later, watch it again with her, and watch her reactions. Then act like Don Juan de Marco. Let her know “then what.” Then you’ll find out “what then.” It will surprise and delight you.

When you implement these 15 techniques into your life, you will be transformed into the kind of man that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of internal work, for example changing some of your old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a different point of view. Let me know of your successes and your struggles, your thoughts, suggestions and additions. I welcome your emails.

Next month: End Cleanly.

©2010 Lion Goodman

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Lion Goodman is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps individuals create extraordinary success, happiness and results in their lives. He is a widely-published author, workshop leader, public speaker, and a successful businessman. He has studied and explored the realms of psychology, spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35 years. He brings these decades of learning and growth to others through his workshop, “Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California which offers men an initiation into principle-based living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love You,” which is available on his website: or

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