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How the Grinch Stole Marriage with apologies
to Dr. Seuss - Joe's Archived Articles by Mary
Ann Horton, Lisa and Bill Koontz
Every Gay down in Gayville liked Gay Marriage a
lot......
But the Grinch, who lived just east of Gayville,
did NOT!!
The Grinch hated happy Gays! The whole Marriage
season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the
reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just
right.
It could be, perhaps, his Florsheims were too
tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all was
His heart and brain were two sizes too small.
"And they're buying their tuxes!" he snarled
with a sneer,
"Tomorrow's the first Gay Wedding! It's practically
here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously
drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Gay Marriage from
coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew... All the Gay girls and
boys
would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their
vows!
And then! Oh, the Joys! Oh, the Joys!
And THEN they'd do something he liked least of
all!
Every Gay down in Gayville the tall and the
small,
would stand close together, all happy and
blissing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Gays would start
kissing!
"I MUST stop Gay Marriage from coming! ...But
HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his
throat.
And he went to his closet, grabbed his sheet and
his hood.
And he chuckled, and clucked, with a great Grinchy
word!
"With this beard and this cross, I look just like
our Lord!"
"All I need is a Scripture..." The Grinch looked
around.
But, true Scripture is scarce, there was none to be
found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...? No! The Grinch
simply said,
"With no Scripture on Marriage, I'll fake one
instead!"
"It's one man and one woman," the Grinch falsely
said.
Then he broke in the courthouse. A rather tight
pinch.
But, if Georgie could do it, then so could the
Grinch.
The little Gay benefits hung in a row.
"These bennies," he grinned, "are the first things
to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most
uncanny,
around the whole room, and he took every benny!
Health care for partners! Doctors for kiddies!
Tax rights! Adoptions! Pensions and Wills!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, with
a chill,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, in his
bill.
Then he slunk to the kitchen, and stole Wedding
Cake.
He cleaned out that icebox and made it look
straight.
He took the Gay-bar keys! He took the Gay Flag.
Why, that Grinch even took their last Gay birdseed
bag!
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will pocket
their Rings."
And the Grinch grabbed the Rings, and he started to
shove
when he heard a small sound like the coo of a
dove.
He turned around fast, and off flew his hood.
Little Lisa-Bi Gay behind him sadly stood.
The Grinch had been caught by small Lisa-Bi.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "My, oh, my,
why?"
"Why are you taking our Wedding Rings?
WHY?"
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and
so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up
quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Shepherd
sneered,
"The judges are evil, the other states weird."
"I'll fix the rings there and I'll bring them back
here."
It was quarter past dawn... All the Gays, still
a-bed,
all the Gays still a-snooze when he packed up and
fled.
"Pooh-Pooh to the Gays!" he was grinch-ish-ly
humming.
"They're finding out now no Gay Marriage is
coming!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
then the Gays down in Gayville will all cry
Boo-Hoo!"
He stared down at Gayville! The Grinch popped
his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking
surprise!
Every Gay down in Gayville, the tall and the
small,
was kissing! Without any bennies at all!
He HADN'T stopped Marriage from coming! IT
CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in
the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be
so?"
"It came without lawyers, no papers to sort!"
"It came without licenses, came without
courts!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was
sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't
before!
"Maybe Marriage," he thought, "doesn't come from
the court.
Maybe Marriage...perhaps... comes right from the
heart.
Maybe Marriage comes from all the words the Gays
say.
Words like Husband, like Wedding, and Spouse who is
Gay."\
And what happened then...? Well...in Gayville they
say
that the Grinch's small brain grew three sizes that
day!
And the Gays had their Weddings. They promised
for life.
They swore to be faithful, to Wife and her
Wife.
The Husbands were happy, to each other they
vowed
To be Out and be Honest, be Gay and be Proud.
They told all their neighbors and friends of their
Spouse,
They told of their Marriage and sharing their
house.
They said "We got Married." They shouted it
loud.
Their marital status was "Married and
Proud."
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so
tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning
light.
And he brought back the rings, cake and Gay
birdseed bags!
And he... ...HE HIMSELF... hung the Gay Rainbow
Flag!
The Lord looked down, at the proud and the
tall,
and said "These are my children, and I love them
all."
The moral of this story is that we don't need a
piece of paper and the approval of the state to get
married. We can just get married. Instead of having
a committment ceremony, we can have a wedding.
Instead of partners, we can have husbands and
wives. Instead of calling our relationship a
Domestic Partnership or a Civil Union, we can call
it a Marriage. Whether any government recognizes it
is separate from what we call it. It's a free
country and we can call ourselves what we like.
In 5 or 10 or 20 years, with plenty of visible
same-sex married couples, the world won't see us as
strange or scary, we're just the married couple
down the street that happens to be gay. Eventually,
the legal recognization of our marriages will
follow.
If we allow ourselves to voluntarily sit in the
back of the bus, we'll never make any progress.
Rosa Parks had to sit in the front of the bus to
make a difference. We must as well.
Copyright (c) 2004 by Mary Ann Horton.
Permission granted to copy in whole, with
attribution. This is a parody of "How the Grinch
Stole Christmas." Thanks to www.christiangays.com/humour/grinch.shtml
for this holiday story!
©2007 by Joe Kort
Related: Issues,
Books
Psychotherapist
Joe Kort, MA, MSW, has been in practice since 1985.
He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as
well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a
specific program involving communication exercises
designed for couples to enhance their relationship
and for singles to learn relationship skills. He
also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood
sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression
and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and
singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a
men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and
gay men who are struggling with specific sexual
issues. His therapy services are for gays and
lesbians as well as heterosexuals. His articles and
columns have appeared in The Detroit Free
Press, Between the Lines Newspaper for
Gays and Lesbians, The Detroit News, The
Oakland Press, The Royal Oak Mirror, and
other publications. Besides providing therapy for
individuals and couples, he conducts a number of
groups and workshops for gay men. Now an adjunct
professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne
State University's School of Social Work, he is
doing more writing and workshops on a national
level. He is the author of 10
Smart Things Gay Men can do to Improve Their
Lives.
www.joekort.com
or joekort@joekort.com
*
Gaydar
(gay'.dahr, n.): (1) The
ability that lets gays and lesbians identify one
other. (2) This column--where non-gay readers can
improve their gaydar, learning more about gay men's
psychology and social lives. Also, (3) a regular
feature where gay readers can discover the many
questions and hassles their straight
counterparts--and themselves--must face!
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