Questions for Heterosexuals developed by
Martin Rochlin, Ph.D
The following is a tongue-in-cheek questionnaire
designed to illustrate the heterosexism implied in
these same questions asked of lesbians and gays.
Imagine as you read them if this were real and
straight people were asked these questions. Gays
and lesbians experience these questions in the same
way a heterosexual would.
When people say that living gay is an
"alternative" lifestyle I always tell them that for
me living straight is an alternative lifestyle.
What Gloria Steinem did wish sexism is said, "What
if we do to men what is done to woman?" She writes
that if men were given lower paying jobs than
women, lowered their chances of climbing the
corporate ladder, blocked from becoming president,
and if men had to endure other forms of sexist acts
they would be appalled and everyone would seen the
insanity of what we do to women. Imagining
heterosexist acts and questions directed at
straights illustrates the insanity done to gays and
Heterosexism is the belief that everyone is, or
should be, heterosexual. That rights and privileges
should only go to heterosexuals and that any other
sexual or romantic orientation either doesn't exist
and/or is inferior to heterosexuality.
1. What do you think caused your
2. When and how did you first decide you were a
3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a
phase you may grow out of?
4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems
from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good
6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in
Gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned
to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?
7. If you've never slept with a person of the
same sex, how do you know you wouldn't prefer
8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a
disproportionate number of mental patients
9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual
tendencies? How did they react?
10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as
long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you
people feel compelled to seduce others into your
11. If you choose to nurture children, would you
want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems
they would face?
12. The great majority of child molesters are
heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to
expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and
making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality?
Can't you just be what you are and keep it
14. How can you ever hope to become a whole
person if you limit yourself to a compulsive,
exclusive heterosexual object choice and remain
unwilling to explore and develop your normal,
natural, healthy, God-given homosexual
15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning
themselves and each other to narrowly restricted,
stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such
16. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis
17. With all the societal support marriage
receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are
there so few stable relationships among
18. How could the human race survive if everyone
were heterosexual, considering the menace of
19. There seem to be very few happy
heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with
which you might be able to change if you really
want to. Have you considered aversion therapy?
20. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others
of their own sex? Is that what makes them
Questions for Heterosexuals developed by Martin
Rochlin, Ph.D., 1977
©2009 by Joe Kort
Joe Kort, MA, MSW, has been in practice since 1985.
He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as
well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a
specific program involving communication exercises
designed for couples to enhance their relationship
and for singles to learn relationship skills. He
also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood
sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression
and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and
singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a
men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and
gay men who are struggling with specific sexual
issues. His therapy services are for gays and
lesbians as well as heterosexuals. His articles and
columns have appeared in The Detroit Free
Press, Between the Lines Newspaper for
Gays and Lesbians, The Detroit News, The
Oakland Press, The Royal Oak Mirror, and
other publications. Besides providing therapy for
individuals and couples, he conducts a number of
groups and workshops for gay men. Now an adjunct
professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne
State University's School of Social Work, he is
doing more writing and workshops on a national
level. He is the author of 10
Smart Things Gay Men can do to Improve Their
Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real
(gay'.dahr, n.): (1) The
ability that lets gays and lesbians identify one
other. (2) This column--where non-gay readers can
improve their gaydar, learning more about gay men's
psychology and social lives. Also, (3) a regular
feature where gay readers can discover the many
questions and hassles their straight
counterparts--and themselves--must face!
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