Three Years of Tears
Dear Dr. Neder
I am hopelessly in love with a girl I met 3
years ago at a concert. She means the world to me!
Id give up the rest of my life to spend one
night with her on a more than friend level.
She has a Boyfriend but I truly care for her.
I've tried to move on to different girls but I
always end up talking to her after the end of the
last relationship. She knows how I feel because
Ive told her.
Weve kissed and made-out and it was magic.
She tells me if anything would happen between her
and her boyfriend that she would come to me. I feel
second best but I dont care. I only wish she
could feel how i feel. Every time i see a picture
of them or see them together it hurts.
Is there anything i can do to help make her
feelings for me stronger?
There might be, but I fear you've done far too
much damage here to fix things.
Think about this: 3 years. It's been 3 years and
you never bothered to even learn any of the skills
you needed to turn this around. You're sitting
there with an unhealthy addiction to this girl
rather than having lifted a finger to learn
anything. Only now - 3 years later - are you
Don't you think this girl sees this? Of course
she does! You've just spent the last 3 years
proving to her that you're NOT the guy she wants!
How are you ever going to turn that around? If you
had, she'd have dumped her loser boyfriend for you
in a heartbeat. To be honest, she's probably
clinging to him even harder now out of fear she'd
HAVE to be with you.
I'm not trying to undermine your confidence
here; I'm trying to get you to wake the hell up
already! Women need very clear, specific things in
order to feel attraction for someone. Instead of
giving her these things (or even knowing what they
are!) you've sat back and waited...and waited and
waited for something out side to change rather than
being a man and changing them yourself.
Well, here it is 3 years later and NOTHING has
changed other than the fact that your addiction for
her has grown beyond what is reasonable and is now
into cartoon-land. It's pathetic - but for you AND
for this poor girl! I feel more sorry for her than
I do for you because you seem like a nice guy and
she'd probably be very happy being with you, if you
could only show her that by doing just about
everything you've done so far exactly
In effect, any feelings she's had for you have
probably been destroyed! What it's going to take
now, you're very likely not going to do anyway!
After all, you've spent the last 3 years not doing
them, why should you change? This is going to be
far harder than you think it will be.
I know I'm not going to talk you out of this
ridiculous situation, but here's what you need to
do now: first start by going to my website
(http://BeingAMan.com) and clicking on "self help".
From there; read my FAQ's - in particular about how
to turn a friend into something more. Be sure to
read the articles. Also read about why boyfriends
aren't your problem (actually, for you it IS your
problem because you've made it one!)
I also strongly suggest you read my books,
"Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" and
start learning what this girl (and frankly, ALL
girls) need from men. Until you know these things
and are able to deliver, you simply have no chance
© 2010, Dr. Dennis W.
Other Relationship Issues,
* * *
Relationship is a pervading and changing
mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for
people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run
to. - Euroda Welty
Dr. Dennis W.
Neder is the author of Being
a Man in a Woman's World
I and Being
a Man in a Woman's World
II. Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can
write to him by going to: beingaman.com/ask_question.asp
for answers. Check out the discussion group at:
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