Waiting in Line to be 100% Sure
Theres this girl that Ive liked
since for 2 years. I've always made small talk with
her but Ive been too afraid to have a serious
conversation with her.
We recently did a group project together with
me, her, and two other guys and she seemed to talk
to me a lot more than she did either of them and
one of them is fairly good friends with her. I
think she may be attracted to me but Im not
100% sure and I dont want to do or say
something stupid to make her dislike me.
I need help!
Shes in a relationship but hes
joined the air force and is being shipped out this
week and Im fairly positive theyre
breaking up. If they do I want to be the first one
to ask her out because shes extraordinarily
beautiful and I dont think Ill have
this chance for very long.
Please help me ASAP - PLEASE!
Ok, so let's analyze this a little deeper:
You've been interested in this girl for about 2
years and you are too scared to pull the trigger
with her until you're 100% sure that you're safe
and won't get rejected if you approach her.
Further, you've been waiting in line to tap her and
hope that there's nobody in front of you. Also, you
think because she's pretty that she's out of your
league and you want me to help fix all of this for
you so that you don't take any risks.
Have I about summed it all up pretty well?
What the hell??? You want life to give you
different rules than all the rest of us have to
deal with. Sorry, it's not going to happen. Yes, I
can teach you how to approach this girl - or any
girl - and get what you want, but it's not going to
happen through these messages. If you really want
that sort of guarantee you have a lot of work and
study ahead of you.
Here's what's going to happen if you continue on
this course: some other guy with enough balls to
see her as a real person is going to just walk up
and sweep her off her feet and you're going to go
back to the end of the line. At least you won't be
alone - I'm sure there'll be lots of other guys
there with you - all cowards that weren't able to
pull the trigger either.
If you want different options for your life,
you're going to have to make different choices for
yourself. You're going to have to get past the
belief that you have to have 100% assurances in
anything. You never get that. You're going to have
to be willing to take some measured risks in order
to get what you really want.
So, STOP giving this girl all this power over
you! She's pretty, ok, I get it. Big deal! There
are TONS and TONS of pretty girls out there. She's
just one of many. "But wait Doc, she's DIFFERENT!"
Yeah, I know. She's different - just like every
Until you see this clearly, you're always going
to have less power than she does. The sad news
about that however is that she WANTS you to have
MORE power than she does! Important lesson here:
women date "up", not "down".
So, most ignorant guys then go rushing off to
try to impress girls. When you do that, you simply
prove that you're not as powerful as she is -
otherwise, why would you be working so hard? Girls
see right through that one as well.
So, here's what you need to do: just go tell her
that you want to get to know her better and ask her
which day is better: Thursday or Friday of next
week (or whenever). Be bold and direct. Don't worry
about the conversation skills; you're going to
learn how to solve that next.
Don't say, "Hey, er, um, do you want to go out
with me?" That gives her the chance to say "no".
You already have some rapport with her and she's
showing you some important signs of attraction, so
just assume she WANTS to go out with you and give
her the choice of days. While youre at it,
get her digits too by saying, "Here, write your
number down here." Don't ask her, tell her.
Next, go to my website (http://BeingAMan.com)
and click on self help, then read my FAQ's. There,
you'll find some important information on
Stop waiting for the perfect times or the
perfect situations or to be 100% sure of anything.
That's what losers do - and these never, ever come.
Instead, go MAKE your dreams come true.
© 2010, Dr. Dennis W.
Other Relationship Issues,
* * *
Relationship is a pervading and changing
mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for
people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run
to. - Euroda Welty
Dr. Dennis W.
Neder is the author of Being
a Man in a Woman's World
I and Being
a Man in a Woman's World
II. Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can
write to him by going to: beingaman.com/ask_question.asp
for answers. Check out the discussion group at:
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