a Man


Giving it the Old College Try

I'm a 19 year old guy studying at college in the UK and there is a girl who I've seen around, mainly in the library. I would like to approach her but have no clue what to say and I'm afraid she might laugh at me for trying to speak to her. I have no confidence and I'm afraid the girl has noticed my interest because she's caught me looking a few times.

How do I approach her and what do I say?


First of all, this girl isn't going to laugh at you for talking to her. That's just your own fears getting in the way. Trust me, she's going to be far more worried about whether she has something stuck in her teeth or if her hair is a mess than the fact that you're taking to her!

I teach a large number of approach systems - all for different situations and based on particulars between the two people. However, one of the easiest to explain is called the "context approach". Let's use that here

To begin, all you have to do is ask yourself this question: "What do she and I have in common at this very place, at this very instant in time, in this very situation?" Your answer to that question is your "context" for the approach. It's that simple. You already have tons of context available to you: you both go to the same school, you probably have a few classes (even if they aren't at the same time), etc. Any of these are great context foundations to approach her!

Keep in mind that you're not going to make the terrible mistake so many guys make: thinking that you're going to make this girl fall in love with you from the way you approach her. That simply doesn't work. That's why pick-up lines always fail and guys that try to hard fall flat on their faces.

Your goal is to just break the ice (using your context) and then to build rapport and connection using communication skills. If you're not sure how to do this, I strongly encourage you to read my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II". These are the textbooks on exactly this - along with how to build things all along the way.

Best regards...

© 2010, Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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Relationship is a pervading and changing mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run to. - Euroda Welty

Dr. Dennis W. Neder is the author of Being a Man in a Woman's World I and Being a Man in a Woman's World II. Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to him by going to: for answers. Check out the discussion group at: . Stay tuned for our new Internet TV Show - BAM TV - starting soon!

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