Giving it the Old College Try
I'm a 19 year old guy studying at college in the UK
and there is a girl who I've seen around, mainly in
the library. I would like to approach her but have
no clue what to say and I'm afraid she might laugh
at me for trying to speak to her. I have no
confidence and I'm afraid the girl has noticed my
interest because she's caught me looking a few
How do I approach her and what do I say?
First of all, this girl isn't going to laugh at
you for talking to her. That's just your own fears
getting in the way. Trust me, she's going to be far
more worried about whether she has something stuck
in her teeth or if her hair is a mess than the fact
that you're taking to her!
I teach a large number of approach systems - all
for different situations and based on particulars
between the two people. However, one of the easiest
to explain is called the "context approach". Let's
use that here.
To begin, all you have to do is ask yourself
this question: "What do she and I have in common at
this very place, at this very instant in time, in
this very situation?" Your answer to that question
is your "context" for the approach. It's that
simple. You already have tons of context available
to you: you both go to the same school, you
probably have a few classes (even if they aren't at
the same time), etc. Any of these are great context
foundations to approach her!
Keep in mind that you're not going to make the
terrible mistake so many guys make: thinking that
you're going to make this girl fall in love with
you from the way you approach her. That simply
doesn't work. That's why pick-up lines always fail
and guys that try to hard fall flat on their
Your goal is to just break the ice (using your
context) and then to build rapport and connection
using communication skills. If you're not sure how
to do this, I strongly encourage you to read my
books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II".
These are the textbooks on exactly this - along
with how to build things all along the way.