a Man


Maybe I Can Just Bore Her Into Liking Me?

Hey Doc!

First off, I'm 21 and I stay near a pretty small town that’s big enough for a WalMart but the only "mall" in town has maybe 8 stores in it. Yeah, it’s THAT small.

I got a girl's number a while back. We've only had maybe two real conversations during the last semester of college: one in person, and the other where we found out we have a lot of the same friends. Even with these few interactions, when I asked for her number over Facebook, she gave it to me.

Of course, I wanted to get hold of her and ask her to hang out or go eat or something, but as I've said, we haven't had too much time interacting with each other and I’m afraid of that sounding too much like a date and scaring her off. I hate that this sounds like a dumb thing to say, but I was wondering how should I approach this?

I mean, I haven't talked to this girl a lot, so I was figuring calling her and asking would put a large amount of pressure on the both of us and seem too much like I'm asking for a date instead of something casual. That being said, I've thought about texting her and asking instead to alleviate that whole dating, but naturally, this seems like the cowardly way of doing it and it also seems like she'd either think I was being scared or not valuing her that highly enough to call her, as far as a romantic interest is concerned. Another option I thought of was maybe waiting until college started back up in a couple of months and trying something very casual. But maybe that's acting too slow?

So what should I do? As lame as it may sound, it feels weird to ask her to eat or hang out or something similar? If not, should I call or text? Or better yet, should I just wait until we come back to school to try something a bit more casual?


Sure - plan to hang out instead, bore her to tears and have her go all lukewarm on you instead. What a great idea!

Where in the hell did you get the idea that setting up a real date with a girl would scare her off?? That's absolutely ridiculous! Buddies and cowards "hang out". Men take women on "dates" - and women damn-well know it.

Here's what you're about to do: you're about to try to hold all your "dates" via Facebook thinking that you'll somehow lure her in. That NEVER works! The internet; and in fact, all technology (texting, email, IM, etc.) is a filter. It strips potential relationships of exactly what they need to be in order to survive - connection and emotion.

Just the fact that you haven't gotten to know this women is a great reason to set up a date!

Get over all these dumb fears already! Why in the hell do you think she gave you her digits? Do you think it was because she didn't want you to call her??? Seriously, knock this crap off already.

Get on the phone and call this girl up (DO NOT text her!!!!)

Then, tell her you look forward to getting to know her better and ask which day is better - next Friday or next Saturday evening to go grab a bite and maybe a drink.

Seriously - how tough is that? It's only tough because you haven't done it before. When you've done it a few times, it's not only going to be easy, it's going to be a ton of fun too.

If you're really not sure about how to do all (any?) of this, check out "Being a Man in a Woman's World" as it goes into how to set up dates, what to do, etc.

Best regards...

© 2010, Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Other Relationship Issues, Books

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Relationship is a pervading and changing mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run to. - Euroda Welty

Dr. Dennis W. Neder is the author of Being a Man in a Woman's World I and Being a Man in a Woman's World II. Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to him by going to: for answers. Check out the discussion group at: . Stay tuned for our new Internet TV Show - BAM TV - starting soon!

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