How Texting Killed the Dating Beast
I'm 35 and started dating after a year-long
hiatus earlier this year. I've gone out with a
couple of guys so far, all of them younger. I've
noticed that they LOVE texting, but rarely ask me
The latest guy is 29, and we went on our first
date last Friday. We had a great time (mini golf
and dinner - and he was funny and sweet). Since
then we have not talked, but we text almost every
day. It's usually stuff like "Have a great day,"
or "how's it going?" We've also had some
conversations via text (like "what is on your
bucket list?"). He works in phone sales, and says
he isn't big on talking on the phone. That is
fine, but I am old fashioned and like to get to
know someone in person.
How do I get him to go out on date #2 with me?
Should I just ask him? How do I do it? What
should I say the next time he texts? I might need
to date older men, but I've heard from my friends,
that they are just as fond of texting as the young
There's nothing "old fashioned" about not
wanting to hold your dates via text. In fact,
texting KILLS OFF relationships! I see it literally
every single day. If you want things to die a slow,
painful death between you and this (or any) guy,
just keep up the texting. You'll see what I mean
Here's the problem:
1) Texting is lazy. It takes absolutely no
effort to create a 140-character message to
2) Second, it's way, way too safe. You take
absolutely no risks by texting.
3) It has no particular connotation and thus,
you get to "play date" with it while nobody exposes
4) While not exposing your hand, you're also not
moving anything anywhere!
5) Relationships are based on emotional
connection. Texting strips away any emotional
context and just keeps things on a fact-basis.
Thus, instead of connection and getting closer, the
6) Its artificial and your subconscious mind
knows it. Thus, you begin to develop a sense of
everything about him being artificial. I've seen
people treat others in ways that they'd never
imagine themselves doing! After all, this isn't a
"real person" anyway!
..and on and on and on...
You've got to get off this texting thing! If
this guy doesn't know any better (and trust me, he
doesn't!) you've got to "help" him. Do that by
telling him that you no longer want to communicate
via texts. If he's going to be 10 minutes late,
that's one thing. If he's going to try to set up a
date or express his feelings to you that's entirely
You can certainly ask him out yourself - as long
as you don't do it via texts. It's ok that he
doesn't want to talk on the phone. That helps to
keep things short and to the point. You can call
him and just say, "Ok, it's time we get off the
mobile network and back into real life. I'm
available on Saturday..."
Frankly, you're right! If he's so caught up in
technology and can't connect in real life on a
solid, emotional plane, he's not old enough for
Hold your dates in person - not via technology!