Maybe Hell be Mine If I Get
Here is my situation: I am dating a guy who I am
in love with. We started seeing each other in
November 2008 but in February he told me we should
break it off because he's not ready for anything
serious as he is going through a divorce. He said
he needs time to find himself.
After that the discussion, things didn't change
much. We still text each other and talked and hang
out like before but there was no sex. I did not
want to let it go, so I kept hanging out at his
place and recently we have started sleeping
He has made is very clear that he is not
committed to me or the relationship. In my mind I
feel like he is the man I want to marry and
thoughts of getting pregnant intentionally have
crossed my mind.
He always uses a condom during sex but last
night he did not which surprised me. I found myself
praying that I get pregnant.
I am 35 years old and in dire need of a family
or a child. I know I should cut off this
relationship but I also think that if I hang around
long enough he will change his mind and if I
accidentally get pregnant that may turn him around
and commit to a relationship.
Am I being selfish and what advise do you have
I'm so confused as am so in love with him and it
hurts because I know he is not in the same place
Wow! This situation is entirely toxic!
Would you really get pregnant; knowing damn well
that he's not interested in anything but sex with
you in order to try to land this guy? That's called
"fraudulent paternity" and frankly is pretty
despicable; not the least of which is for your own
unborn child. Is that all you think your children
Seriously, snap out of this right now. Wake the
hell up. This guy has told you that all you are to
him is a sex partner (I debated on whether to make
it bolder just to make the point, but decided
against it - you know what I mean however!)
Yes, you are being totally and completely
selfish here! You're not thinking of him and you're
sure as hell not thinking of your future child!
Here's what would happen if you got pregnant:
he'll bolt. You may be able to go after him for
child support payments - and you'd get it - even
thought he doesn't want you or your child; but the
reality is that you'll never have him. This is true
even if he agreed to stay around! He would be there
physically, but not emotionally, spiritually or
Please, PLEASE don't do this. Your own kids
deserve so much better than this - even if you
don't think you do. Kick this guy to the curb, get
yourself healed right away and go find someone you
can love that loves you back. Then, become the
woman of this new guy's dreams, get married and
have that family you want.
DO NOT try to entrap this guy by getting
pregnant - it's going to backfire, trust me. I see
it almost every single day!
© 2009, Dr. Dennis W.
Other Relationship Issues,
* * *
Relationship is a pervading and changing
mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for
people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run
to. - Euroda Welty
Dr. Dennis W.
Neder is the author of Being
a Man in a Woman's World
I and Being
a Man in a Woman's World
II. Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can
write to him by going to: beingaman.com/ask_question.asp
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