Which Guys are Marriage
What are some signs that a man is "marriage
material" and that a woman should definitely
consider pursuing him seriously?
One of the best signs is to check the ring
finger of his left hand (at least here in the
States); if there's a wedding band there, he's
Unfortunately, your question is based on a false
belief: that there are guys that you can marry and
guys you can't. While that may be true for
individuals; for instance, you and some guy aren't
a good match, in fact, any guy can be marriage
material depending on the girl.
Here's the reality: Marriage (along with being
the wrong focus in the first place) is very
different for men and women. For you as a woman;
marriage means security, love, family, future,
status and many other positive things. That's why
you are (wrongly) focusing on it as your goal.
(By the way: I say "wrongly" because marriage
isn't what you should be focusing on anyway -
marriage is a FORMAT of a relationship - not the
relationship itself. What you really want is a
happy, healthy relationship in whatever format it
takes; but I digress...)
To men however, marriage means loss of freedom,
loss of choice, stress, responsibility, having a
business partner to make all the decisions with,
and many other negative things.
So, here's your key: ANY MAN (and yes, I mean
ANY MAN) is "marriage material" PROVIDED you
discover exactly what he needs in order to give up
his freedom, choice, take on stress and
responsibility, etc.; and then BECOME THAT WOMAN TO
Do you get this? If you become this woman to
any guy, he'll have you standing before a minister
so fast it'll make your head spin.
So, why do so many men seem to avoid marriage?
Obviously for the reasons I've already given you,
but it goes deeper. The real reason is that women
(especially today) are very much "me-focused". They
think "What will *I* get out of this?" Since they
want to be married, they focus exclusively on their
own wants, wishes, dreams, desires, etc., and just
assume that their guys want the same thing.
When they realize this isn't the case, they get
angry - at the guy! They claim they were "led on"
or that the rules changed; when in fact, the guy
simply opened the door for her to try to become
this woman to him. She (selfishly) never bothered
and then was surprised, hurt and angry when he
never pulled the trigger! Frankly, this is just
pure arrogance on the part of the woman!
So, to get back to your question: EVERY GUY is
"marriage material". It depends far, far more on
the woman than the man. The real question becomes
then, are YOU "marriage material" for the guy?
© 2009, Dr. Dennis W.
Other Relationship Issues,
* * *
Relationship is a pervading and changing
mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for
people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run
to. - Euroda Welty
Dr. Dennis W.
Neder is the author of Being
a Man in a Woman's World
I and Being
a Man in a Woman's World
II. Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can
write to him by going to: beingaman.com/ask_question.asp
for answers. Check out the discussion group at:
Stay tuned for our new Internet TV Show - BAM TV -
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
©1996-2017, Gordon Clay