Being Too Smart for Girl
Hey Dr. Neder!
I've been reading through some of your answers
and one common piece of advice you give women is to
not play stupid games. Girls do it all the time and
9 times out of 10, it completely screws everything
up for them and she ends up not getting what she
wants out of the relationship. This all makes
complete sense! After all who wants to be involved
with someone that is unpredictable and rude?
That being said, we still feel the need to do it
all the time! Even though I know better, I still
sometimes catch myself not picking up the phone
when guys call, avoiding him, etc., etc. I realize
from everything that you have written, that I'm
just being stupid, but I'm wondering, why in the
world do we do this in the first place?
It doesnt seem particularly logical when
you stand back and think about it, but that doesn't
seem to change the fact that girls do it all the
time. Why do you think that is? Fear? Ignorance?
Thanks for the insight!
What an incredibly great question this is! Thank
you for asking! More important, this is an
incredibly smart question to ask - the answer will
lead you right to where you want to go - happy,
healthy, fulfilling relationships with high-quality
people. Isn't that reward worth just about any
Let's start with this: by playing these "girl
games", you're not being "stupid"; although these
actions lead directly away from what you really
want. In fact, it's like you said - you feel
compelled to play them. I get it. It's very tough
for women to NOT do these things because it's wired
into you. I won't bore you with all the science
behind this, but trust me, it's there.
This is true of guys too - there are many things
that we want to do naturally that work against us.
Becoming the friend first and not being the strong
masculine energy in our relationships are two of
many examples that you know I deal with every day
We have to fight these natural tendencies in
order to have something better - and to be better
partners for the women we love. It's that
realization that makes us want to seek out better
ways - and many guys do.
Likewise, women have to come to the realization
that these games work entirely against your own
goals. It's easy to play them because technology
makes it so. Just because something is easy however
doesn't make it a good choice. Often, the things
that are harder offer greater rewards and this is
certainly an example of that fact!
In reality, both fear and ignorance play big
rolls in why women do these things, but so does
laziness. It's difficult to do all the right things
in relationship. Trust me, my guys know this! You
girls are far less tolerant of these mistakes we
make than we are of yours.
On the flip side however, playing these games
puts you in with guys that will tolerate them
because they usually have no other choice! That's a
huge pool to draw from (a good thing for you women)
but it's full of "also-rans". In other words, the
guys that either don't understand these games or
are simply willing to play them to get what they
want aren't exactly the types of guys that will
make your toes curl if you know what I mean.
"Picky" or "selective" aren't words I'd use to
describe them. "Desperate" and "pussy" are more
If you want a better type of guy, YOU have to
become more worthy of him and the very best place
to start is by demanding of yourself a higher plane
of existence. Don't settle for "common" or
"average" or "like everybody else". Demand of
yourself to NOT play these games and you'll
instantly rise above all your sisters that don't
know the difference or simply don't care to
© 2009, Dr. Dennis W.
Other Relationship Issues,
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Relationship is a pervading and changing
mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for
people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run
to. - Euroda Welty
Dr. Dennis W.
Neder is the author of Being
a Man in a Woman's World
I and Being
a Man in a Woman's World
II. Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can
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