a Man


Her Gay Friend

Ok Dr., here is the background for this question:

  • She and I are both in our early 20s.
  • We went to high school together.
  • We didn’t know each other well in high school, but were acquaintances with mutual friends.
  • I started talking to her about two months ago on a whim.
  • She lives far away now but makes frequent trips back here.
  • Keep in mind I have not seen her in person for 3 years
  • She came back once recently and we didn’t meet up, but she is coming back next month. She said she couldn’t wait to meet up next time.

I used your “blitzkrieg technique” and talked to her one day, waited a week, talked again, waited four days, talked again, a week off, etc. She replies and asks questions back every time, HOWEVER she NEVER makes first contact.

When she was drunk she kept telling me via text (and don’t worry, we don’t text often at all) that she is "the most fun I could ever have, especially drunk." She never says she can’t wait to see me outright, but that she can’t wait to come home, which is understandable. She also gets very offended when I made the jest "are you a boringish girl?" It was almost as though she was out to prove herself as fun. She even went as far as saying "Didn’t you see my club pictures?!!”

But, here’s the big issue: she is bringing her gay friend with her when she visits!

They are visiting and I will be the one calling her to hang when she is here. But keep in mind they are not coming to see me specifically. It was more of a "Oh, your coming up for a few days to visit family? Well lets meet up!” sort of thing. They are driving and he is not from around here, so she might (and I stress MIGHT) not have a place to dump him off. I have made it clear that we will be meeting up alone on several occasions, but how can I make sure that he isn’t there doing the old block the cock thing? She has pictures of him online of them kissing and just being close, typical girl thinks gay guy is cute/adorable type thing. I think you will have much to say on this topic, can you ease my mind at all?


Well, I'll say this: you've been paying attention in class!

By the way - you've been using the challenges very well to move this forward. Good job! Here's one more that you might want to try, "I've never met a [insert some attribute of her's here - "Philly", "Irish", "teacher", "Catholic", whatever] girls that knew how to kiss very well." Then, leave it at that. Challenge thrown!

Why would you be calling her to set things up only when she gets here? Why not have it all planned instead BEFORE she arrives? Get things set up so that you already have the date planned and organized.

You need to ask yourself just how "gay" this guy is! I'm getting the impression that it's not exactly 100% here. That could work against you. Here's what you have to keep in mind: HE has her full attention - not you. Thus, you need to win HIM over far more than you need to win HER over. If he's really gay and only a friend of hers, he can do far more to build you up in her mind than you could ever do!

Thus, plan on meeting him and becoming the close buddy! If you do that, he's going to help you out here. If not, he's going to block you. You should also have some place for him to go. Look around town and find a couple of gay clubs. This is a great place to take them both! He'll have lots of opportunities to meet some guys and you'll have the girl mostly to yourself.

Best regards...

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© 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Other Relationship Issues, Books

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Relationship is a pervading and changing mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run to. - Euroda Welty

Dr. Dennis W. Neder is the author of Being a Man in a Woman's World I and Being a Man in a Woman's World II. Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to him by going to: for answers. Check out the discussion group at: . Stay tuned for our new Internet TV Show - BAM TV - starting soon!

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