Getting Your Boss to Love You
You hate your boss or youre afraid he hates
you. Or youre just starting out with a new
boss and want to get off to a good start. This plan
maximizes the chances of you and your boss loving
(platonically) each other.
Step 1: First, understand your boss. What
does she care about? How does she communicate?
Whats her interaction style? Youve
completed this step when you can write a paragraph
about your boss at least as descriptive as this
paragraph about me as a boss:
Time is a valuable commodity to Marty. That
means he doesnt like much chit-chat
andunless he specifies otherwise-- prefers
tasks done well and quickly rather than perfectly
but slowly. And when presenting an idea, give him a
distillation. If he wants more detail, hell
ask. He welcomes new ideas but not so many that
they take up lots of his time.
Having trouble coming up with such a paragraph?
Ask yourself where, on each of these continua, your
boss falls:
1. Big picture vs. details
2. Direct versus indirect
3. Social versus not-social
4. Perfectionist versus good-enough is good
enough.
5. Intellectual versus emotional
6. Results-oriented versus process-oriented
Step 2: Fully accept that your boss is
your boss. Many of us resist authority, but fully
accepting your role as your bosss follower is
key. Sure, some bosses are less worthy than their
supervisees, but on average, theyre smarter,
harder working, or more knowledgeable than their
supervisees or they wouldnt have been
promoted over their peers.
Step 3: Focus on changing yourself, not
your boss. Its tough to change others; and
its risky. The workplace battlefield is
littered with employees who tried to change their
micromanaging, lazy, disorganized, unavailable,
haughty, and/or poor-communicating bosses. Focus on
changing your attitude and the way you interact
with your boss and youll reap better results
with no risk.
Step 4: Solicit direction. Frequently ask
your boss such questions as, What would you
like done? Anything of particularly high priority?
What sorts of progress reports would you like?
If youd like less (or more) supervision,
ask for a trial period, for example, As an
experiment, could I tackle this project on my own?
If you dont like the result, you can
supervise me more closely.
Step 5: Present ideas wisely. Most bosses
like employees who give occasional suggestions.
Give too many and your boss may consider you too
time-consuming or a know-it-all. Give too few and
youll be viewed as not contributing much to
the organization.
Present the ideas your boss is most likely to
accept. Does he seem to appreciate technology
fixes? People-managing tips? Profit builders?
Ethical concerns? Ideas to boost his career? Of
course, present your ideas in the way your boss
will most likely prefer it: phone, e-mail, or
in-person? Brief or detailed? Fact- or
feeling-based? And phrase ideas in a way that
preserves his self-esteem, for example,
Im wondering if this might be a good
idea. (Insert idea.) What do you think?
Step 6: Solicit feedback. Frequently ask,
How am I doing? So often, bosses,
afraid of criticizing, withhold criticismand
then they terminate you. When criticized, of
course, its tempting to lash back. Work hard
to listen, really listen to the criticism. Do not,
on-the-spot, disagree. Ask questions to better
understand the criticism. Then, say thank you. Go
away and, in private, think about it. If a day
later, you still think the criticism was misguided,
gently respond, for example, Ive given
a lot of thought to what you said. Im
wondering if you had all the information. (Insert
absolving information.) What do you
think?
Step 7: Suck up. Everyone likes praise,
including your boss. When deserved, give it, and
when in doubt, err on the side of flattery. Ronald
Deluga of Bryant College studied 152 sets of
supervisors and employees and found that employees
who flattered their bosses got better
evaluations.
Alas, sometimes, you can manage your boss
perfectly and your life is still miserable. Often
that occurs, frankly, because youre not a
good employee. To find out, be brave and get a
360-degree evaluation: ask boss, co-workers,
supervisees, and perhaps customers for a candid
appraisal. But if your boss is disliked by most
employees, its probably not you. It may be
time to start looking for a boss you can love.
© 2007, Marty
Nemko
* * *

Marty
Nemko holds a PhD from the University of
California, Berkeley, and subsequently taught in
Berkeleys Graduate School of Education. He is
the worklife columnist in the Sunday San Francisco
Chronicle and is the producer and host of Work With
Marty Nemko, heard Sundays at 11 on 91.7 FM in
(NPR, San Francisco), and worldwide on
www.martynemko.com
.
400+ of his published writings are available free
on that website and is a co-editor of
Cool
Careers for Dummies.
and author of The All-in-One College Guide.
E-Mail.

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