Understanding the Other Sex
Q from a Male, Sophomore student at the
University of Maine: Why do most girls say they
want to have relationships with nice guys but go
out with jerks (and keep going back to them when
they treat them like dirt)?
Dr. Caron's Answer: Often, our past
experience - even as children - preconditions us to
feel more comfortable, more at home, in destructive
relationships. People who have grown up with
damaging experiences often can change the direction
of their lives with the help of counseling. Of
course, not every woman seeks this type of
relationship; but for those who do, counseling and
psychotherapy are often helpful.
Q from a Female, Sophomore student at
Syracuse University: Why do men use women for
sex and how can a woman tell if a guy is using her
for sex before she sleeps with him?
A: Not all men use women in this way.
Many guys want to have sex only within the
parameters of a meaningful relationship. A
meaningful relationship is not an instant
achievement; one doesn't develop a meaningful
relationship at a single party, in a casual
conversation, or because you bumped into each other
in a bar. Friendships take a while to build, and
develop best on a basis of shared interest and
experiences. If there is no meaningful relationship
and no friendship, there may be no way for you to
tell why another person wants to share a sexual
relationship with you.
© 2008, Sandra L.
* * *
It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the
lover. - Marge Piercy
American teens have the worst of all
worlds...Our children are bombarded and confronted
with sexual messages, sexual exploitation, and all
manner of sexual criticism. But our society is by
and large sexually illiterate. Faye Westheimer
Dr. Sandra L.
Caron is a professor of human sexuality at the
University of Maine. To submit a question to Dr.
Caron or chat with your peers visit
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