Sex Talk

My friend is going overboard? Should I Say Something

Q from a Female, Sophomore at from Utah State wants to know... I’m concerned about a friend of mine who is infatuated with this woman in our class. He has told her his feelings for her and she said she wants nothing more than a friendship. She’s a genuinely nice person who doesn’t want to lead him on or hurt his feelings. Despite this, he talks about her 24/7, calls her constantly, and stops by to see her. He is starting to make an ass out of himself—it’s embarrassing. As his friend, I feel I should do something, but I don’t want him to get mad at me.

Dr. Caron’s Response: Let me begin by saying that you are not responsible for your friend. It’s not your job to protect him from making an “ass” of himself. He is responsible for his own behavior. I do think there is something to be said for being honest, however. For example, the next time he mentions her, you may want to tell him that you are uncomfortable listening to him talk about someone who’s obviously not interested in him—and leave it at that. It sounds like this is really between him and the woman. You say this woman doesn’t want to hurt his feelings; yet maybe she needs to be more direct with him, even if it means hurting his feelings. It sounds like he didn’t take the gentle “hint” that she’s not interested—since he’s constantly calling her and stopping by to see her.

© 2008, Sandra L. Caron

*    *    *

It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover. - Marge Piercy

American teens have the worst of all worlds...Our children are bombarded and confronted with sexual messages, sexual exploitation, and all manner of sexual criticism. But our society is by and large sexually illiterate. Faye Westheimer

Dr. Sandra L. Caron is a professor of human sexuality at the University of Maine. To submit a question to Dr. Caron or chat with your peers visit Got a question for Dr. Caron? Visit and ask away! Get a guaranteed personal and confidential response to your question: or E-Mail

Contact Us | Disclaimer | Privacy Statement
Menstuff® Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon Clay
©1996-2019, Gordon Clay