Menstuff® has compiled the following information on bullies. Bullies Can Be Transformed Into Good Citizens: A Bullying Prevention Program

Sticks and Stones and School Yard Killings
Transforming School Culture for A Bully Free School
Bully Prevention
Upstanders not Bystanders
How can a School Culture that ends Bullying be Created?
Book: Bullies can be Transformed into Good Citizens
Should Parents of Bullies Pay?
Survivors of Teen Suicide Attempts on Prevention: It's Not Always About Bullying
Teen Labeled 'Freak' in Yearbook Amounts to Bullying, Says Mom
Gay Teens Get Bullied Less Over Time, New Study Finds
Bully Punished With Bad Clothing. Unusual Yes, But Cruel? (Editor: Shame doesn't work. That's called "retribution.")
Public Shaming is the New Spanking and It's Not OK

The Simple, Beautiful Gesture That Can Turn A Crowd To Love Instead Of Hate

This is a pretty fabulous PSA made in Ireland that, to me, underlines the basic idea that we can support our LGBT friends and family (or, really, anybody who is being bullied) in some very simple ways that have a ton of power.

Sticks and Stones and School Yard Killings

The front page of the April 21, 1999, San Francisco Chronicle read "Killing Rampage at School:  Suicide attack blamed on 2 students." Just two students? Or is it a wake-up call for all of us?

We can blame it on the availability of guns, or movies, television or war toys as innocent as GI Joe. We can even point, in this case, at Goth. But in doing that, I suggest we look where our other three fingers are pointing and take responsibility for the part we played in this scenario. Yes, all of us. For, you see, I think the problem goes much deeper that what the newspapers or "expert" psychologist are saying. The problem lies within virtually every home in America. While the solution may be more difficult, I think problem is very simple.

Name calling. Feeling insecure in our selves, or developing a dislike or even hate of people who are different from us (race, religion, sexual preference, and the hate list goes on), we start by passing on jokes that malign others, then name calling behind someone's back, then finally to their face. Names beyond the many raciest names we all know.

These killers in Littleton, Colorado weren't athletes, or pep squad leaders, or the popular kids at school. The "killers" at the previous school killings weren't either. But those are the people they targeted. And, I think, they just got tired of being called weirdo's, nerds, geeks, freaks, stupid, slobs, or whatever words the in-crowd uses to attack someone's self-esteem. After a while, these young men can't deal with it anymore and return the attack in the only way they can see that will stop the abuse.

The message they are sending is "Stop calling me names" and no one is listening. So, the name-calling and ridicule continue. And the communities involved start focusing on an action plan and gun control and fences around the schools and more security checks, more shakedowns, and the list goes on. While short-term those may be necessary, they are only short-term solutions.

We all must get actively involved with this problem. Really look at all the ways each of us becomes a perpetrator. Then, start teaching our children about the dangers of name calling and the importance of developing respect for everyone, especially those who are different in some way than we are. Outside the home by standing up and saying "Stop calling him (or her) names" or "I don't think that joke is funny" or "Stop sending me those emails." In school, send the name callers to the principles office.

As an adult, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." But as a kid who doesn't "fit in," or look the part, or isn't as popular as "Joe cool," names not only hurt, they kill.

Possible Solutions

It can get frustrating as a parent or non-parent knowing what to do. And, while there are a number of good books and how to work to reduce teen violence, cultural violence and the shadow violence that lurks without each of us, many of us won't go to the effort of getting one of these books to start the work now.

In the meantime, the following are some steps you can take to stop violence among young children, from Parenting for Peace & Justice:

Speak out to your family, friends, and co-workers to develop an awareness of the "accepted" violence among teens and children, including name calling, insults, pushing, shoving and kicking.

Support conflict-resolution programs in your home, school and community to help children (and adults) learn now to solve problems without resorting to violence (hitting, kicking, throwing something, slamming doors, phones, pencils, etc.).

Volunteer in parent education classes or as a "resource parent" for young teen and first-time parents to help participants parent without resorting to violence. Volunteer for the teen crisis line, if you really want to get a reality check about what's happening to the youth in your community! If you're man enough, that is.

Help your children select nonviolent toys, television programs and movies. DON'T BUY WAR TOYS!!! Read books to your children that promote peaceful conflict resolution.

Speak out against movies and television programs that glamorize violence or make it funny. TV Violence

Lead by example. Children learn more from our actions than our words. (Don't Laugh at Me.)

Transforming School Culture for A Bully Free School

Bullying is a problem in every school community. Ask students what they know about bullying, what they've seen and heard. Then, you will know that bullying is a problem in your community.

A bully or a bullying group seeks power over others by intimidation. Bullies seek power by teasing, name calling, hitting, extortion, exclusion and hazing. They use friends, chat rooms or bulletin boards on the internet as bullying tools.

Bullying causes students to fear for their safety, breeds new bullies out of a need for self-defense, causes absenteeism, depresses student achievement, and even causes some students to commit suicide.

Youth must not be permitted to acquire an unhealthy power over others.

Bullying prevention can work and have lasting results if :

No student should be permitted training for good citizenship and then prey on fellow students and the community. When the causes of bullying are addressed, bullies are transformed into good citizens.

Students concerned about bullying should go to: groups.yahoo.com/group/ReportABully for help and advice or StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov where they can learn more about bullying. If you have questions, mail E-Mail

How can a School Culture that ends Bullying be Created?

School culture is the collection of behaviors which characterize

School culture need not be determined by the attitudes which individual students bring to school. School culture may be designed.

The need for a school culture which makes bullying virtually impossible is the purpose of this site. How to design that culture is described in detail in the book Bullies Can Be Transformed Into Good Citizens.

Bullying can be Virtually Eliminated in a School Culture where students know

Bullies can be Transformed into good Citizens. This explains how to create a school culture which will :

Why must Schools Correct and Prevent Bullying? Schools are responsible for :

Bullying behaviors are a distraction, disrupt learning and interfere with the attainment of school goals.

Where bullying exists, even teachers may become targets as bullies seek to gain control of their classroom.

A school culture which addresses these issues produces a peaceful and productive environment for learning.

Bullies can be Transformed into Good Citizens describes bullying prevention which

In Bullies Can Be Transformed Into Good Citizens . . .You will learn why

You will learn how:

Bully Prevention

What is named as the top school trouble of kids 8-15? Homework? Cafeteria food? Neither; it's bullying. The National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC) reports that more than half of America's teens and children witness bullying several times a week.

This campaign, launched in September 2004, features NCPC's beloved crime, and now bullying-fighter, McGruff. It is designed to counteract bullying at a young age by encouraging victims, witnesses and parents to take action to prevent the problem.

The latest work targets boys and girls age 7-10 and teaches children that they can help a victim without confronting the bully. The PSA demonstrates the most effective action for witnesses is to invite the victim to walk away with him or her. Then McGruff sums up the solution, "Friendship beats bullies every time!"

Kids are encouraged to visit www.mcgruff.org to find more tips on dealing with bullies and other troubles. An interactive, online "webisode" was also created for this campaign. Play Stop the Bully now!
Sponsor Organization: National Crime Prevention Council, U.S. Department of Justice; Campaign Website: www.mcgruff.org ; Source: www.adcouncil.org/default.aspx?id=42

Should Parents of Bullies Pay?

The Wisconsin town of Monona has taken a big step in the effort to fight bullying with an unusual new law, threatening to fine both the bully and his or her parents upward of $114.

“We don’t have a bullying problem any more than anywhere else, but it’s been escalating nationally, we just want to try to take an extra step to fight it,” Monona Police Sgt. Ryan Losby told Yahoo! Shine. “It’s for the parents out there who either won’t do anything to try and stop their kids from bullying, or for those who encourage it.”

Losby, who drafted the law after being inspired by a similar, 2010 law in nearby Milton, said the new ordinance is meant only as a last resort when dealing with parents of bullies who refuse to cooperate with the school and police. The part that targets moms and dads, called the “parental responsibility” piece of the law, can fine the parents of a bully $114 for a first offense and $177 for subsequent ones, but only after sufficient warning, in writing.

More on Yahoo!: Kids Exposed to Poor Parenting Likelier to Get Bullied

Other parts of the broad ordinance prohibit retaliation for reporting bullies, as well as general harassment between adults, subjecting all scofflaws—including a child bully, as long as he or she is over the age of 12—to those same fines.

“Technically, both the bully and the parent could be cited at the same time,” Losby said. “But it would be very rare.”

While all states except Montana currently have anti-bullying laws in place, local ordinances are not as across-the-board. New York City’s Department of Education, though, proposed a law just this week that would require staff members who witness bullying to report it to authorities within 10 days. (Similarly, a Wisconsin state law proposed in March would fine teachers $200 for not reporting bullying incidents.)

And in Milton, the law that inspired Losby levies fines of $100 to $500 against proven bullies.

Monona’s law is unique, though, because of how it targets parents. "This is the first time that we have heard of issuing a citation to parents because their child is bullying," Julie Hertzog, director of PACER's National Bullying Prevention Center, told Shine. "Communities are clearly looking for new ways to deal with the issue."

And, though their reviews are mixed, most experts agree it’s at least step in the right direction.

“I think it sends a message that is positive, which is we take bullying seriously and, as a parent, you have to take it seriously, too,” national anti-bully expert, speaker and author Joel Haber told Shine. He added that the law takes the important step of informing parents about what their kids are up to, and that it’s “healthy” just having discussion around the law. “Whether it will work or not,” he said, “we don’t know.”

Ross Ellis, CEO of the STOMP Out Bullying advocacy organization, told Shine she thought the law could be a good tool when dealing with uncooperative parents. “I think it’s really important, because the parents need to step up,” she said. “Still, you can fine the parents, but the kids need to get help. There should be a part of the law that says if you’re fined, you should have to get your kid help, as well.” Because, she wondered, is a parent going to be so upset about getting fined that they’ll then take it out on the kid who was bullying in the first place? “So it’s good,” she said, “but I think it needs more.”

Shawn Gaylord, director of public policy at the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, which advocates nationally for anti-bullying law and policies, was not sold on the law. “Although we believe that educators, parents, and community members should be engaged collectively around school climate and issues related to bullying, a fine on families, however well-intentioned, is not a productive contribution to the conversation and would disproportionately impact those with limited incomes,” he told Shine, adding that it was troubling that people get fined at the discretion of the police. All in all, he added, the approach gets parents involved too late, and emphasis should instead be on teaching empathy and compassion early on.

Finally, Brenda High, whose son Jared took his own life at 13 after being bullied at school, and who now runs the watchdog Bully Police USA, said she felt the law would help make the schools more accountable, as well as parents, which was encouraging. But despite the loss of her son, she added that it’s the rare parent who wouldn’t try to help out after learning about a child who was bullying. “I’d say in 75 percent of bullying cases, the parents have no clue, and are shocked when they hear about it,” she said.

And she agrees with Ellis that the solution should go deeper than a fine. “If the bullying doesn’t stop after that, I think they ought to require that the kid be taken out of the school, because you’ve got to wonder what is going on in the mind of a child who thinks it’s okay to hurt another child,” she said. “There’s something emotionally wrong with that child, and they need help.” (Editor: We've got a whole culture that teaches bullying. Jerry Spring Show was one of the early manifestations. Bring someone on the show thinking he or she is going to be acknowledged for something and then shame them on national TV. Then there's Reality TV, making sport of shaming each other on Bachelor/et shows, on the High School football field, parents in the stands of their kid's baseball or football game. Watching their parents argue and/or fight. That's where it starts. Kids emulating adults, since that's how adults communicate and so it must be okay. Put the parents in therapy, first, so the kid has a healthy place to come home to and that we reinforce a more positive behavior. Trying to get her/him to change and send them home to the same shaming situation will backfire.)


Survivors of Teen Suicide Attempts on Prevention: It's Not Always About Bullying
Teen Labeled 'Freak' in Yearbook Amounts to Bullying, Says Mom
Gay Teens Get Bullied Less Over Time, New Study Finds
Bully Punished With Bad Clothing. Unusual Yes, But Cruel? (Editor: Shame doesn't work. That's called "retribution.")
Public Shaming is the New Spanking and It's Not OK

Source: shine.yahoo.com/parenting/should-parents-of-bullies-pay-for-their-kid-s-actions--wisconsin-town-thinks-so--192525499.html

Bullies can be Transformed into Good Citizens is currently available as a Velo Bound Manuscript on 8 1/2" X 11" paper. Individual Copy, including U.S. Postage $ 30.00 USD. Individual Copy, including Postage to Canada $ 32.00 USD Please mail your request to: Steve Bell/Bullies/CBT, P.O. Box 3529,Culver City, Ca. 90231-3529. Make Check or Money Order payable to Steve Bell/BulliesCBT. For additional information about the author's workshops E-Mail or bulliescanbetransformed.com

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In violence, we forget who we are. - Mary McCarthy


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