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The Scientifically Best Way To Kiss

8 Health Benefits of Kissing
“How I want to be kissed”
How to be a better kisser
13 Kinds Of Kisses That Will Leave Women Breathless
Does he need a kissing makeover?
Would You Kiss This Mouth?
Kissing Health

8 Health Benefits of Kissing

Story at-a-glance

Kissing has been shown to boost your immune system and reduce allergic responses in people with skin or nasal allergies

Kissing may also reduce blood pressure, relieve headache pain, increase feelings of well-being and self-esteem, and strengthen your relationship

People who kissed more often reported significant decreases in their levels of stress and greater relationship satisfaction

Whether sex, kissing, or even hugging, these forms of affection have primal, biological roots that impact our bodies, typically beneficially, even in the modern-day

By Dr. Mercola

Kissing is a uniquely human trait that’s said to have emerged as a way to pass germs from one person to another, ultimately building immunity. But that’s rather unromantic, isn’t it? While it seems plausible that kissing would have an underlying biological function, there’s also no denying its role in bonding… or overall health.

8 Health Benefits of Kissing

Kissing not only feels good, it’s good for you. It relieves stress and releases epinephrine into your blood, making it pump faster, which may result in a reduction of LDL cholesterol. Kissing may even be a novel way to receive certain hormones, like testosterone:

“'Mucous membranes inside the mouth are permeable to hormones such as testosterone. Through open-mouth kissing, men introduced testosterone into a woman’s mouth,' which 'is absorbed through the mucous membranes… and increases arousal and the likelihood that she will engage in reproductive behavior.”1

Interestingly, Andréa Demirjian, author of Kissing: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about One of Life's Sweetest Pleasures, believes “a kiss a day really can keep the doctor away.” And she recently shared eight reasons why with CNN:2

1. Reduce Your Blood Pressure

Kissing helps to dilate your blood vessels, which may help lower your blood pressure.

2. Relieve Cramps and Headaches

The blood-vessel-dilation effect described above also helps to relieve pain, particularly from headache or menstrual cramps.

3. Fight Cavities

When you kiss, saliva production increases in your mouth, and this helps to wash away plaque on your teeth that may lead to cavities. That said, cavity-causing bacteria can also be transmitted via a kiss, especially if the person you’re kissing has poor oral habits. It’s even been shown that cavity-causing bacteria can spread from a mother’s kiss to her baby.3

4. Release Your Happy Hormones

Kissing prompts your brain to release a happy elixir of feel-good chemicals like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. This isn’t only important for your happiness, it also may also help to strengthen your relationship. As MSN reported:4

“’This [oxytocin] is the hormone of love, and the better the oxytocin levels, the more capacity for love,’ explains psychotherapist Arthur Janov, Ph.D., author of ‘The Biology of Love’ and the director of the Primal Center in Santa Monica, Calif. ‘We have found that those who cannot commit in a love relationship are low in oxytocin.’”

Interestingly, kissing activates the same areas in your brain linked to reward and addiction.5 According to the researchers who revealed this finding:6

“Kissing may have evolved as a way to stimulate brain systems associated with sex drive, romantic love, and attachment so that humans are triggered to seek a variety of potential mates, then focus attention on one for mating, and finally be able to tolerate that mate long enough to raise a child as a team.”

Your lips are also densely packed with sensory neurons, which are stimulated by the touch of another’s lips. This prompts the release of sebum, which is thought to play a role in bonding.7

5. Burn Calories

It’s not going to replace your workout session… but a vigorous kiss may burn 8-16 calories. Not too shabby for a kiss.

6. Boost Your Self-Esteem

One study found that men who received a passionate kiss before they left for work earned more money.8 This suggests the kiss (and perhaps the happy home-life it suggests) makes people happier, boosts self-esteem and, ultimately, more productive at work.

7. Tone Your Facial Muscles

A vigorous kiss helps you shape up your neck and jawline by working out a number of facial muscles.

8. Check Out Your Partner’s Compatibility

A kiss can be a powerful measure of your initial attraction to a person, so much so that the majority of men and women surveyed reporting that a first kiss could be a turn-off. Women, in particular, place more importance on kissing as a “mate assessment device” and as a means of “initiating, maintaining, and monitoring the current status of their relationship with a long-term partner.”9

Kissing May Even Boost Your Immune System and Provide Significant Stress Relief

The average person spends more than 20,000 minutes of their life kissing,10 and for very good reason. In addition to the benefits above, kissing has been shown to boost your immune system and reduce allergic responses in people with skin or nasal allergies.11

Separate research also revealed that people who spent six weeks making kissing a priority with their partners reported significant decreases in their levels of stress. In addition to improvements in stress, the kissing participants also reported greater relationship satisfaction and improvements in total cholesterol.12

There may actually be an even more primal reason for why “kissing” developed, however. Because some cultures don’t include kissing in their mating rituals, it’s possible the first kiss was given by a mother to her child rather than being shared between a couple.

Psychologists conjecture that kiss-feeding – exchanging pre-masticated food from one mouth to another -- was how babies received the nutrients needed to grow up strong and healthy either in addition to, or after, breastfeeding. This jump starts the digestion process and makes vitamins like B-12 more easily absorbable while also promoting attachment and bonding.

Taking Kissing to the Next Level: Sex Is Healthful, Too

Kissing can be a prelude to sex, which has many of the same health benefits of kissing magnified. Men and women tend to regard kissing in this realm differently, with men being more likely to initiate kissing before sex and women more likely to do so afterward. As reported by Psychology Today:13

“Women use the intensity and frequency of kissing to evaluate a man’s suitability for short-term relationships as well as judging the potential of a short-term relationship evolving into a long-term relationship. Men use kissing, especially in short-term relationships, to increase the likelihood of having sex.”

I recently featured an entire article on the 11 health benefits of sex, so you can review that for all of the details. For starters, here are the top five:

1. Improved Immunity

People who have sex frequently (one or two times a week) have significantly higher levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA).14 Your IgA immune system is your body's first line of defense. Its job is to fight off invading organisms at their entry points, reducing or even eliminating the need for activation of your body's immune system. This may explain why people who have sex frequently also take fewer sick days.15

2. Heart Health

Men who made love regularly (at least twice a week) were 45 percent less likely to develop heart disease than those who did so once a month or less, according to one study.16 Sexual activity not only provides many of the same benefits to your heart as exercise, but also keeps levels of estrogen and testosterone in balance, which is important for heart health.

3. Lower Blood Pressure

Sexual activity, and specifically intercourse, is linked to better stress response and lower blood pressure.17

4. It’s a Form of Exercise

Sex helps to boost your heart rate, burn calories, and strengthen muscles, just like exercise. In fact, research revealed that sex burns about four calories a minute for men and three for women, making it (at times) a “significant” form of exercise.18 It can even help you to maintain your flexibility and balance.

5. Pain Relief

Sexual activity releases pain-reducing hormones and has been found to help reduce or block back and leg pain, as well as pain from menstrual cramps, arthritis and headaches. One study even found that sexual activity can lead to partial or complete relief of headache in some migraine and cluster-headache patients.19

Whether sex, kissing, or even hugging, these forms of affection have primal, biological roots that impact our bodies, typically in a beneficial way, even in the modern-day. So grab your partner today, give him or her a smooch, and embrace this fact: kissing can provide for a longer, healthier and, most would agree, more enjoyable life.

Sources and References

CNN January 14, 2014

1 Psychology Today December 28, 2012
2 CNN January 14, 2014
3 Pediatr Dent. 2008 Sep-Oct;30(5):375-87.
4 MSN Healthy Living
5 J Comp Neurol. 2005 Dec 5;493(1):58-62.
6 MSN Healthy Living
7 MSN Healthy Living
8 CNN January 14, 2014
9 Evolutionary Psychology 5(3): 612-631
10 Psychology Today December 28, 2012
11 Western Journal of Communication 2009, Volume 73, Issue 2, 2009
12 Western Journal of Communication 2009, Volume 73, Issue 2, 2009
13 Psychology Today December 28, 2012
14 Psychol Rep. 2004 Jun;94(3 Pt 1):839-44.
15 American Journal of Cardiology January 15, 2010, Volume 105, Issue 2, Pages 192-197
16 Biol Psychol. 2006 Feb;71(2):214-22.
17 PLoS ONE 8(10): e79342.
18 Clinical Neurology February 19, 2013
19 JAMA. 2004;291(13):1578-1586.


13 Kinds Of Kisses That Will Leave Women Breathless

Women love to kiss and hug, so part of satisfying her and being a good lover is to know how to be a good kisser. And believe it or not, long sessions of kissing, lasting at least twenty minutes, can actually have some women come to an orgasm. Kissing for her is very sensuous for them.

But, nearly all men think that kissing means she wants sex. It doesn’t! There’s a time for just kissing, and, a time for kissing and sex. Don’t mix the two up. Most women like to just kiss and kiss and kiss, so don’t spoil it for her by grabbing her breasts. She will let you know, or you both will know just by the look in each other’s eyes when it’s time. Until then, hands off! Give her your trust so she knows that the both of you can kiss without the sex being involved. She may have had bad experiences with guys in the past who went too fast, too soon.

Also, on those first dates, don’t French kiss her, opening the mouth and/or sticking your tongue in her mouth, unless she initiates it, since this is more sexual.

Men dive right into it. Show her that you are different by starting with simple kisses only. The following are tips to make you more appealing and to get her hormones going before you lend her your lips:

1. Always have fresh breath. Floss and brush your teeth at least twice a day. Brush your tongue because that’s the main area you want to keep clean. Use A LOT of breath mints. Nothing can spoil the mood faster than bad breath!

2. Use a flavored lipgloss if you have chapped lips. Better yet, use it even if you don’t have chapped lips. She’ll love the taste. Don’t use some bad-tasting Vaseline or anything she may not like. Now if you don’t like her lipstick, don’t be afraid to tell her so. Maybe she has a flavored brand you may enjoy.

3. Have a clean-shaven face. Most, not all, women prefer this. They like to kiss a face that’s baby soft. Some women like stubble, but most don’t.

4. Don’t forget to wear one of the women’s favorite colognes. It’s much better when you smell great for her while you are kissing her.

Now you are ready for some kissing and gentle biting that she probably very rarely receives from a man. Just remember, just like making love to her, you have to be slow and passionate. That is one of the things most (NOT ALL) women think makes a man a good lover.

Shy Kiss

This is the kind of kiss you should start off with, whether it’s a first date or not. Start off by giving her that look. You know, the kind of look a person gives when they want to kiss you. Look kind of sexy towards her, looking at her lips and deep into her eyes. Give her a devilish, child-like smile. Move your face towards hers slowly, still looking at her lips and eyes. Look for any reaction from her while doing this. Does she want you to kiss her or is it a definite no? Move in closer until you are about two inches from her lips. Now stop for a brief moment and look into her eyes, and then at her lips. Then give her a light kiss on her lips. Move away a couple of inches, no more, and see how she reacts to this? Of course this is the best on those first dates.

Passionate Kiss

Start off slowly by giving her small, little kisses at the corner of the mouth, and then switching to the other side of the corner, going back and forth, all the while moving closer to the center of her lips. Move slowly and passionately until you are at the center of her lips. Then run your fingertip across her lips and then pucker up and lay one on her, holding her face with both of your hands on the last kiss. The kiss on the center of her lips should last at least thirty seconds. Use your lips to tug on hers and slightly bite on her lips at the same time.

Two other variations to this is to hold the back of the head with just one hand, while using your other hand to hold her cheek. The second variation is to hold her head with both hands so you can massage and scratch her head gently, and to gently pull on her hair, while kissing her. Women love this last variation. Massaging, slow scratching, and especially gently pulling her hair as you are kissing her is something women don’t get from men. Also, rub your cheek up against hers a few times, while still holding her other cheek or the back of her head. This is a must! Try it!

Static Kiss

Without touching one another, stand face to face on a rug, and start rubbing your feet across the carpet. Then lean forward and kiss her. I read one lame book on this subject that stated you should do it in the dark, because that way you can see the spark. You can’t see it because of the position your face is in. Pass on that not-thought-out idea.

Open-Mouth Kiss

This is a combination of French kissing and opening both of your mouths, pressing them together, and then closing them and puckering at the same time. It’s sort of like closing your mouth around an ice-cream cone and then puckering your lips as you are completing the sucking of the ice cream. But, let her initiate it first, because she may not want to go that far.

Combination Bite And Kiss

Bite her neck, jawbone and ears, while kissing at the same time. Use your teeth to gently pinch her skin, breathing softly on her skin and ears at the same time, especially her ears. Biting can be very sensuous for her, so make sure you do a lot of this.

Tease-Her Kiss

Start by using the tip of your index finger and slightly run it across her lips and cheeks. Then put your face a couple of inches from hers and just stare into her eyes, gazing around her hair and face for about 10 seconds. Talk with your eyes. Then slightly kiss her on the lips. Repeat the step. This time give her two small kisses. Then grab her face, cup it in your hands and lay a big one on her for about 30 seconds, without moving your lips. Just remain motionless.

Eye Kiss

Give her a kiss on her eye, and then slowly kiss the other. This will give her a warm feeling. Yet another kiss men don’t do. So she will love this also.

Eskimo Kiss

Kiss like an Eskimo by kissing with a lot of small pecks all over her face, at the same time rubbing your nose up against hers, going side to side and up and down.

Ear Kiss

Kiss and slightly nibble her ears, breathing on them slightly at the same time. Use your tongue to trace around her ear. Suck on her ear lobes, because she especially loves that! Tell her that you love her ears. Make sure your breath hits her ear as you are saying this. As for the tongue in her ear...well, since most women don’t like it, it’s best to stay away from doing that one.

Body Kiss

This is where you use a combination of biting, kissing and licking all the way down her body to her toes. Have her just lay there, naked, with her eyes closed.

Swoon Kiss

Tilt her head slightly to the side and cradle her face in one of your hands, while you hold the back of her head with the other.

The Rocking Kiss

As both you and your partner’s lips are still touching, rock your heads from side to side, letting your noses rub against each other. You rock your head to the left, as she rocks hers to the right, going from side to side.

Upside-Down Kiss

This is a totally different kind of kiss because it confuses our brain. Our brain isn’t use to the position our heads are in when kissing. Try it, and you will see what I mean. It’s something totally new, and something she may not have experienced before.

French Kiss

According to some women, many of their past dates/boyfriends didn’t know how to properly French kiss. Never mind the kissing. French kissing is not supposed to be sloppy, done fast or putting your whole tongue in her mouth. It should give that person a feeling of ecstasy and excitement. Women, over men love to French kiss, so be prepared to do it properly.

1. Start off by giving her all the other kinds of kisses just discussed before doing the French kiss. Don’t jump right into it. Move slowly to it.

2. Gently slide your tongue across her upper lip. She should take the hint and open her mouth. Now gently slide just the tip of your tongue into her mouth. Just the tip of your tongue should pass beyond her teeth, and that’s it! She should meet you halfway. From there you will begin this kiss.

3. Use your tongue to explore her mouth, as she does the same to you. Move your tongue along her teeth, wrestle with her tongue, twist yours around hers and gently suck on her tongue.

4. Don’t let it be just about French kissing. Add a variety of different kinds of kisses also.

5. To give more pleasure, suck on a mouthful of candy mints before you start kissing her. Give her that taste to enhance the kissing. Mmmm, a candy flavored mouth! But, make sure she doesn’t mind the taste of mint, or any candy you will be using. Know this beforehand.

6. And finally, a lot of women have commented on how guys tend to think that this kind of kissing means she is ready for sex. So, he starts to grope her and tries to undress her. You should never, never do this. This is where the communication breaks down. She wants to kiss for a while and he wants to...well, you know. Keep in mind that many women love to kiss and hug, and that’s it. She may not even want to go that far.

Don’t be afraid to talk a little while kissing her. Tell her how good she tastes and how good she feels in your arms. If she thinks you are funny, by all means joke around with her at the same time. But don’t joke too much! Brush her hair with your fingers, trace her ear with your fingertips and run them lightly across her cheeks every once in a while. Cup her face in your hands while you are kissing her. Caress the back of her neck and stroke her arms and hands... Touch her, touch her and touch her some more. This can never be said enough! A kiss doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s all on how you look into her eyes and how you use your hands.

How to be a better kisser

As with driving, cooking, and cage fighting, kissing is a skill that requires practice. Most women like to think they’ve come a long way since locking braces with their high-school sweetheart. And they have! But still, there’s plenty more they could learn. Follow along with some tales of woe, and some tales of woah, and take notes on the dos and don’ts of kissing a man.

Lean to the right

“Lean to the right. I thought that was common knowledge, but I’ve been with at least three girls who went left when we went in for a kiss. It was adorably awkward, I guess, but I would’ve much rather avoided the conspicuous bruise that showed up on my forehead. I had to explain that it wasn’t a hickey, but a battle wound caused by make-out misdirection. To any woman who reads this, remember, go right.”—Sam, cameraman

Take charge

“Don’t be afraid to take the lead. I was at a bar on New Year’s Eve and, when the ball dropped, some of my female friends and I exchanged quick smooches. Then I locked eyes with a cute friend of a friend, who I’d never really met before. The mood took over, and we started to kiss. Next thing I knew, my back was against the bar and we were deeply making out. Her kissing style wasn’t overly aggressive, just firm, confident, and sexy. She took charge, and I was powerless to resist.” —Steve, writer

Close your eyes

“I had one girlfriend who, for some reason, always kept her eyes open when we kissed. I’d get this strange feeling that I was being watched while we made out, only to open my eyes briefly to find her staring back at me. Not only was it disconcerting as hell, but it made me self-conscious. Was she picking apart my moves? Did I make some kind of funny face I wasn’t aware of? I’d be completely thrown for the rest of the night.” —Jon, editor

Get your hands in on the action

“Run them through my hair, or, if you really want to get me going, stroke my neck. Yeah, it’s a bit effeminate of me, but it makes me feel as if she’s enjoying it so much that she can’t control herself. Just lip-to-lip contact is the missionary position of making out.”—Timothy, writer

Pause before you pucker

“A well-timed pause can really add to a passionate kiss. I love it when a girl leans in but doesn’t lock lips right away. She’ll go right to the point where we’re about to close our eyes, and then smirk or giggle or do something that lets me know she wants to savor the moment. And so do I.”—Chris, certified financial planner

Chuck the gum

“Is it really too much to ask that you not chew gum when we kiss? It’s funny in the movies when a girl kisses a guy and he magically ends up with her gum in his mouth, but real life is a different story. I’m all for a little tongue-on-tongue action but, please, ditch the Trident before we get there.”—Chandler, 34, club promoter

No brushstrokes

“I went on a semi-blind date and the conversation was natural, we both laughed a lot, and I think we both knew the date was going to end with a first kiss. Unfortunately, her technique can best be described as ‘lip painting.’ She literally painted my lips with her tongue, in a circular motion. I recoiled as politely as I could, and retreated to some pecks. Then I escaped in a cab and never called her back.”—John, radio host

Source: Matt Christensen has written for Maxim and WWE Magazine. His first kiss sucked. At least, that’s what the girl told him.

“How I want to be kissed”

I’ve had my fair share of kisses over the years. Some, I admit, were horrible, and included things like braces, corn-chip breath, and games of tonsil hockey. But there have been some pretty sweep-me-off-my-feet kisses too, like: kissing under a sky illuminated with fireworks, a grown-up-game of spin-the-bottle (please land on green eyes—yes!), and scandalous kisses that never should have happened but felt so good. It’s no wonder, of course, that my girlfriends and I want more of the latter than the former. So listen up, guys, for some advice. Here, eight women kiss and tell…

Make sure she’s willing

“First off, does the date merit a kiss? Am I engaged in conversation with you? Am I smiling? If things seem like a go, a first kiss should be very soft. Please, no tongue! Just kiss my lips with yours. Nip at my bottom lip—just slightly tug it. Don’t be like my last first date, who licked my teeth and got my hair caught in his college ring (come to think of it—never wear a college ring on a date).”—Alexis Derano, editorial assistant

Brush up

“I think hygiene is key. Before you attempt to kiss me ask yourself: Does your breath smell like pepperoni pizza? I don’t care if we just dined in garlic heaven—a pack of gum or tin of Altoids cost around a buck. Both fit in your pocket. Puh-lease, have fresh breath. I keep Tic-Tacs on me at all times (hint, hint)! If we go back to your place to cuddle and watch a DVD, there is nothing sexier than a guy that excuses himself to the bathroom and emerges smelling like Crest. I once kissed a guy that tasted like tuna fish. We did not go on another date.”—Donna Tice, accessories buyer

Ration the love

“A little goes a long way, boys! A little lip, a little tongue, a little caressing of my cheekbone. For starters, give me a quick, sexy sweep. Then retreat—do not shove your tongue into my mouth. What I want now are your lips. I want long, solid smooches. Next, pull away and hold the back of my head in your palm. Look into my eyes. I’ll reciprocate—trust me.”—Kristina Katsulous, account executive

Sneak a peck

“When just getting to know a guy, I like it when he goes in but doesn’t make it to my lips and rather dots my cheek and lip with a long, sweet, I-know-I-like-you peck. Then he pulls away and I likely blush, which is a good sign. On our next formal date, I expect full lip-on-lip contact.”—Tina Jackson, student

Kiss me in the theater

“Take me to the movies and kiss me (just sweet pecks) at really touching moments, like when the main guy and gal realize they’re meant to be or the puppy gets saved from a burning building. It shows me you’re sensitive and totally tuned into my girly feelings. I’ll kiss you when your team scores a basket—promise.”—Rachelle King, sales associate

Watch the hands

“Do not take my hands and put them in inappropriate places on your body while we are sharing a kiss. If I like you, my hands will be caressing your brow or tucked under your collar. And I love it if your hands are resting on my hips, holding the back of my head, sweeping my cheek with a soft, open palm, or holding my hands (personal favorite). It ruins a kiss if you take your hands and go rushing to different places. If I like you… we’ll get there. —Willow Roberts, photographer

Sweep her off her feet—literally

“This is a little cheesy, but I love Hollywood kisses. Completely, over-the-top, theatrical kisses. Hold me, dip me, kiss me. It shows me you love to have fun (like me), and it’s so romantic. Hollywood kisses are also a great distraction from petty arguments, by the way.”—Laura Gowzen, personal trainer

Just do it!

“My best advice is so simple: Go for it. If you get that urge, and I don’t seem that into it, who cares? Maybe I’m just zoned out for some reason, or maybe I am into you and you just aren’t picking up on my very subtle vibes. I’ve been sneak-attacked a lot with a kiss, and nine times out of ten, it turns me on!”—Jaz Valte, publicist

Source: Christine M. Coppa has written for Glamour, Boston Home & Garden, In Touch, etc. She has to stand on her tip-toes to kiss her boyfriend…but isn’t complaining.

Does he need a kissing makeover?

According to Paul Joannides' "Guide to Getting It On," French kissing got its name from being the only activity the French could find to stop each other from talking so much. At least that's the tongue-in-cheek history of it. So to speak. Unfortunately, when some people start this lovely activity they don't seem able to do anything else -- they're all French and no kiss. A date like this can be labeled a Pez dispenser with his head back and candy down your choking throat. With his lips unreachable, making out is disappointingly reduced to sucking on your partner's dripping muscle, and no amount of tongue-twisting can dislodge the mouthful. What's a connoisseur of oral communication to do?

Assuming this irritation is quickly discovered after lips are first locked, there's always the option of cutting your losses and moving on. However, if you've got a real catch with a lot of potential, there are a few simple maneuvers that will quickly turn your uvula snake into a lip-smackin' artiste. Might as well get used to sensitively asking for what you want and how you want it -- right off the bat. That's what sexual connecting is all about.

To begin with, no one sets out to be a bad kisser. So whatever you do, don't call him one. Despite the humorous slang in this column, I highly discourage using any of these names when face-to-face. A sarcastic approach, no matter how honest, would be a clear example of negative reinforcement not helping a situation. Your goal is not to be witty, but to be kissed.

Sometimes, the nonverbal approach is all it takes to make your partner aware of his one-track tongue. This has successfully worked for me a time or two. Simply imitate exactly what he is doing. If his tongue is sitting out front shielding access to his lips, your tongue should do the same. If he continually forces his tongue down your throat, by golly, you force yours down his. Sometimes this kind of quick communication has been all I needed for my partner to get it. It's even been something we could chuckle about after the fact. What I don't like about this approach is that it's a bit passive-aggressive, as if something would be wrong with just talking about it. This is not a sword fight, but affection. So if your partner doesn't get this approach right away, move on to a more fun, sexy and overt approach.

Here's what you do: Pause and empty your mouth. Put your lips right next to your partner's ear, and whisper with your sexy voice, "Can we try something? I want to show you how I like to kiss." In the book "Ask Me Anything," sex therapist Marty Klein writes, "Kiss him the way you want to be kissed. Show him how to move his tongue, how to use his teeth, how to have a relaxed jaw, and how to stroke your leg at the same time (might as well ask for everything)." A time or two I've suggested that "I'd like to focus on our lips for while," still using my soft voice.

Chances are the tongue-wagging is accompanied by lots of enthusiasm. This is a good thing, and you can work with it. Besides, being overwhelmed by passion can initially put our tongues on autopilot while other body parts are kicking into high gear. All this to say that your tongue-pusher is eager to please, and into you big time! This is a compliment, not a problem. So don't lip-gloss over it. Be sure your strategy uses his fervor rather than discourages it. He will probably be overly self-conscious about it simply because you've drawn attention to it. Therefore, don't forget to give lots of sexy feedback. "That feels great!" "Oh, yeah, more o' dat!" Your reactions should give him the arousing clues of "hot, hotter and flaming hottest," without actually saying these words. I have found when people are given the opportunity to try a variety of kissing styles, they often add what they discover to their repertoire.

Finally, never underestimate the sheer pleasure of mindful enjoyment. By this I mean kissing with panache, as if it's the last set of lips you'll ever come across. It's like what some of the most proficient sex workers have told me in regard to quality blow-job technique, "Enjoy his cock like it was the best one you ever had." This works just as well for kissing, too!

If your partner still interfaces using only the tongue, you could try something really covert, like leaving this column on your computer monitor for him to read. Otherwise, you can always put that tongue to a variety of uses. There are several other orifices that such an active tongue can be utilized with stimulating results!

Dr. Jallen Rix holds a doctorate of education in sexology from The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, as well as degrees in theology and creative arts. He maintains a private practice in San Francisco as well as personal phone consultations and sex coaching. He specializes in maximizing sexual pleasure for singles and couples, "ex-gay" recovery, religious abuse, and creative approaches to sex education. You can learn more about Dr. Rix at his website.

Do you have a question about sex you'd like Dr. Rix to answer? Or send an E-mail

This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to serve as medical advice. The information provided should not be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or disease. It is not a substitute for professional care. If you have or suspect you may have a health problem, you should consult your health care provider.
Source: Dr. Jallen Rix,

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A one-minute kiss burns 26 calories. - Snapple "Real Fact" # 102

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